Numero Tokyo (2014-10)
 

I really liked this interview. I figured I'd translate it for you guys~ ;)

She talks about the difference between her current life and her life in her twenties, Premium Showcase and her husband.

I translated this quite quickly. I hope there aren't too many typos.

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Numéro Tokyo

Her first appearance in Numéro Tokyo since she tied the knot. What kind of life is she living now—? After finishing her Premium Showcase, which lasted from spring to summer, she took a short break in Hawaii.

With a slight tan and in casual wear, she walks through town normally. With a smile, she comments she hardly ever is recognized as "Ayumi Hamasaki" and is usually addressed in English when she walks with her cap low over her eyes and with her husband by her side.

"Ayu, where are you now?"

"Did you really get married?"

"Are you happy?"

The answers to those questions are clear to us when we see her walk through town with her husband and when we see her smile throughout the photo shoot.

"My close friends ask me those kind of questions too sometimes (laughs). I also wrote this in Trauma's lyrics, but, I've always wondered: "To who should I show today's happy face and today's sad face?" In other words, I'm not very good at explaining myself. That's why my friends often ask me "Why won't you tell me anything?" I don't say it or can't say it or don't know which points I should say. I'm not good with advice either. I always only tell people the outcome. Because I want to decide the process myself. My current partner is the same in that respect. We don't interfere with each other's work. We encourage and support each other to live up to our own standards of work. That's our approach. That's comfortable to us."

It might sound businesslike at first glance. But as a couple working in different professions and having to deal with cultural differences, this should sounds sensible to many.

"He's not a celebrity. I want him to cherish his identity and his way of life without interference of my work as "Ayumi Hamasaki". But we also have things in common and this allows us to live life together: While maintaining our different professions, we share the dream of living as if the entire world is our home. That's our lifestyle. There's happiness in taking root in one place, but living freely is most enjoyable to us right now. Of course I want to settle down somewhere in the distant future."

Not limited to LA and Japan, they reset their daily lives by changing scenery from time to time, such as now in Hawaii. She has been doing so since her twenties. From one person to two. What is happiness to her?

"As long as I am surrounded by lots of friends, as long as work goes smoothly, as long as I have a partner then everything will be OK – it's not like that, right? I am now balancing everything properly and I feel very happy. I'm not someone who wants to have everything herself. After all, that's impossible. And I don't wish for someone to easily know everything about me and understand me. I don't have the need to explain my work as Ayumi Hamasaki. I don't try to. I don't think I could anyway. But, he is my best friend. And I am his best friend. My boring side, my uncool side, my dumb side – he won't hate or ignore those sides, he won't pretend to not see them. He'll laugh about them together with me. I think having such a partner is beautiful."

This time, she only performed in big arena's in Tokyo and Nagoya which could handle the latest technologies and devices. Including countless new experiments, it was truly a stage befitting of the word "premium".

"I've been holding nationwide arena tours for 15 years. Even though I know I shouldn't consider anything as matter of course, somehow, touring through Japan all year became my routine. But this year I experienced new things and this allowed me to see and feel many new things. I think this will reflect in the music I'm making and in the stages I will create in the future. Of course I'm worried about how these changes will be received, but inside there's another me who encourages me by saying "Those who have fun win!"

Solid confidence wells up inside her when she achieves something. That's what she gained on that stage. The response she felt as she opened new doors in pursuit of entertainment, such as taking on a physically-challenging flying performance called tissue dance, back up her words.

"When I'm asked "Why do you go that far?", I can't find the right words. I tried to cover it by saying I want "new challenges". Maybe rather than giving my all or my best, I wanted to test my resolve of continuing to be "Ayumi Hamasaki" even after 15 years and to see what I could add to the stage myself—

Of course there are things I can't decide alone because this is business. But lately, concerning my music and performances, I've started only wanting to do things I agree with and like. Even if those around me really want me to do something, if I decide "No, this have no appeal" then I won't do it. In the past I would do everything. I didn't have the choice to not do something. That wasn't painful or anything like that. I was simply busy doing every thing I had to the best I could. But recently I took a new look at the balance between my private and work life, and I decided "This way is no good. I want to want to spend my private life more fully."

Her way of thinking about her health changed as well.

"It's frustrating when you can't do something because your body can't handle it. That's why I take good care of my mental and physical health. In the past I didn't even have the time to take care of myself at even the basic level. But now I enjoy learning how to do so. I think the way I train my body is different from how women in Japan do it nowadays (laughs). I think my partner influences me too. We often talk about what's healthy. Things like: if you do this, you will get these symptoms. He'll hand me the right supplements ("Here, drink this") when I'm missing certain nutrients (laughs). He's a muscle freak so he'll gripe about my workouts or diets being wrong (laughs). And, above all, you gain muscles differently as you grow older. I liked the body I had in my twenties, but I don't want to get that body back. I'd simply end up looking scrawny and won't look like I did back then. I have to do the right workouts for thirties body and I have to get the right muscles to fight back against gravity! (laughs)

In the past, I would force myself not to eat anything and I'd be hungry every day. That's how I lost weight. As "Ayumi Hamasaki" I wanted to look like that. By unspoken agreement, it was normal for me to be skinny. I felt I had to be skin and bones. That's why I ate as little as I could. I thought that was cool. I'd have conversations like, "Is that all you're eating?" "You're full with just that amount, huh~" "How nice~" It sounds scary to me now. If I'd do that now, my skin and hair would get ruined and I wouldn't feel happy. It's not good at all.

In order to become a true healthy beauty, I have to plan properly. People can choose different lifestyles: what to eat, how to spend your time, how to train your body. We can decide this ourselves. Deciding what you're living for will change your lifestyle and the way you spend your time. You'll be able to distribute things in a way suitable to you. Being able to clearly think "I want to do this" rather than thinking "I don't know what to do" is one road to happiness for me. In my twenties I was always running head over heels. Having gained experience, I've gained more options. I can choose with my eye on the end result but also enjoy the process. Now, I've become able to choose properly with who I want to spend my time, how I want to spend my time and what makes me feel fulfilled.

Right now, the sense of distance between my work and my partner and friends feels just right. In my twenties I'd think about work 24/7, I wouldn't eat what I want, I was always tired and irritated, and at the same time depend on my boyfriend too much. I'm like a completely different person now. I'm happy I became a proper adult."

She wore beautiful wedding dresses for this shoot, but surprisingly, she has never worn one in her private life.

"In the movies, women always know the right dress when they see it. Maybe I haven't seen it yet or maybe I've worn too many "right" dresses (laughs). I started wearing fancy custom made dresses in my twenties and received applause from thousands of people every year. I've experienced that once-in-a-lifetime time in the spotlight for 15 years. How could I surpass that happiness? What could beat that? Unless maybe everyone from TeamAyu came or my parent insisted I'd wear one, I don't think I'll wear one. I've been strange since I was little. I didn't want to be a princess, I'd wear boyish clothes, I didn't wear skirts because they embarrassed me, I always had short hair, I didn't dream about becoming someone's wife. I wanted to quickly become an adult and become someone great (laughs)."

Her success as Ayumi Hamasaki means she achieved her dream, doesn't it?

"It's difficult to measure what success is. I sang about it in one of my past songs: success disappears in a second. It's fantasy-like reality. There were times I felt I was in such a place. But, the current me feels truly alive and enjoys every day. Of course they are times when I fall but I don't run away. I laugh it off and move on. I think happiness is always just around the corner."

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thanks for translation <3
i've noticed that his smile has changed.... she's happy

Wow thank you is so interesting :)

I'm always so amazed by how insightful she really is whenever I read her interviews. Thanks for the translation :)

Thanks for the translation. It's indeed a very very very interesting interview

Thank you!

I love ayu's interviews so much =)

Wow great interview! Thank you so much for translating!

And, whoa, can't believe she said this! What a progression from her early lyrics! Maybe she'll write an inspirational about it?

Thank you so much!

Thanks for the translations!

Nice to see her transitioning into a new phase of her life: adulthood :laugh
But I like how some things never change: "I didn't want to be a princess"

monochrome
What I wanted to be?
Not a princess.
What I wanted to have?
Not glass slippers.

What I wanted to be?
I wanted to be with you.
What I wanted to have?
Was your smiling face.

Lovely and so much interesting interview. Thanks for translating and sharing. I'm so proud of her <3

Thanks for the translation!

she didn't want to be a princess nor someones wife...lol Ayu.... it's her second mariage and she's been wearing princess gowns for 15 years...lol BUT i see myself in those words which is kind of awesome! xD ♥ her!

Thanks for translation!

I took note of that quote too. She has had struggles or confusion/questions with what it means to be an adult, etc., in the past. It's strange to have read her making this statement - she truly has evolved.

I totally agree with what you guys talked about her early lyrics and this interview. It was so heartwarming reading those words, said by herself. Finding happiness is not easy, and I'm so glad ayu is on the right track for it.

Thanks a lot for translating it!

Quite a story. Thanks for translating.

This is quite interesting. I mean, I think what she's doing right now is almost truly a transition to becoming a proper adult...no wonder why we haven't been hearing from her very much recently (except for the a-nation that has been going on last weekend)!

Thanks for the translation.

beautiful piece! Thanks so much because it has really updated all of us on Ayu :D

Thank you so much!
Her interviews are always so interesting :heart

Well, I guess a healthy life means she doesn't drink or smoke anymore.

thx for sharing the translation.
very interesting interview..
so now ayu wants to be more relax..want to be the "normal" ayumi hamasaki that not many people recognize, therefore she chose to love in US.
if she's happy, then i'm happy :)

Beautiful.

Thanks for the translation~ :heart

Thank you for translating!
I'm so happy to see that she's doing so well. It's fascinating to see the early 2000's Ayu have grown this much.
And about the quote, it makes me wonder if she wants to make a reply song or an epilogue or something. If she does, that'd be great.
This interview was so interesting, again thank you for translating and sharing with us!

Wow!
This is the most interesting Ayu interview I've ever read! THANK YOU SO MUCH for translation!
I'm kinda shocked by how revealing this interview is, so much precious inside information.
And now we all have the answer about TV promotion.

STAFF: Can we please book some TV appearances for you, Ayu-san?
AYU: No, this have no appeal, I won't do it.

Thank you so much for translating!

thank you for the translation!

so her husband's a "muscle freak" :pervy

I'm also very shocked at how revealing this interview is as well. Funny to see how much she's changed.

A big thanks for the translation.
It was interessting to read this interview. I'm so happy that she seems to be really happy nowadays.

I'm happy because she's happy. Period.

Thanks a lot for the translation! Great interview <3

I was surprised at some of the stuff she said here -- not in a bad way, of course. Just surprised to see the drastic difference from the last interview I read which was probably... I dunno, gosh, years ago.

It really scared me too, to see her say how she treated herself in her 20s. That's straight up an eating disorder! And hearing her describe those years in general... no wonder her lyrics were usually so full of confusion and pain. But I'm just glad she's in a safe, healthy place now. That's all that matters. That's really all I can hope for, yeah?

Thank you for translating!

thank you. I really enjoyed this interview

I love this kind of interview, thanks a lot for the translation ! =)

thx ^^

I'm so surprised that she have matured into such a beauty. It only seemed like yesterday she was teeter totting between childhood and adulthood. It's also great that she's taking of herself now and is happy with her life.

Also thanks for the translation!

Thanks a lot for the translation. She seems happier now! I love her new mentality.

thank you so much for the translation! I'm just happy she's happy whatever she's doing now :)

Thanks for the translation.
I guess she did learn a lot from her past, and that makes her a mature adult now. I'm happy for her! :)

(Can't wait to see her in a-nation singapore!)

Woooow. What an interesting read.

I'm not shocked to learn she avoided eating when she was young - some of her lyrics point to her having body image issues and the difference between her neck at 17 and her neck at 21 is a REALLY stark one, the kind of thing that's obviously not just dropping baby fat. She clearly wasn't eating enough.

This is legitimately the best her body has ever looked IMHO and her interest in making healthy choices is more and more apparent all the time. She looks amazing.

It's also so very strange comparing this to her previous interviews & lyrics... she was so obsessed with being understood until very recently, thought of herself as not an adult until very recently... Seeing her call herself an adult here is about how it felt to see the "Bridge to the Sky" screen video & "NEXT LEVEL" performance at AT2009 - after years of talking about searching for her "ibasho," she basically told us on stage that she found it and I just cried lol. :)

It's really nice to see her happy.

I love Ayu's interviews so much♥

thanks for translation! this was beautiful to read, i can feel her happiness through this interview :love

I've always gotten the vibe that she's kind of a tomboy.

So glad to hear she's happy now. I always love hearing what goes on in her head. Very cool.