Ayu in My Life
 

after knowing the fact that ayu's left ear can no longer function, i suddenly realised how much ayu have accompanied me since i became her fan in 2000.

in 2000 Sep. i was still 12 years old. i was shocked to see this Japanese female singer in a leopard outfit on her album cover. in my mind i was like "she is indeed daring and sacrificed a lot". and thats when i started liking ayu.

in 2001, ayu was in her peak. I remembered i was so proud telling everyone that my idol is ayu and telling everyone to watch the PV of evolution which was blasted on TV almost everyday that time.

in 2004, i finally saved enough money to buy ayu's 1st DVD. i was so happy that i finally owned a DVD of ayu and see her perform in a concert. it was A MUSEUM. i treasured it a lot.

in 2004 Dec, i went to Japan for a holiday. my parents bought for me the Japanese version of MY STORY the very day it was released, Dec 15. it meant so much to me to see ayu's MY STORY album everywhere in shopping centres, posters everywhere, songs being played almost every street. i listened to "About You" a lot while i was in Japan cos i simply loved that song. Now, listening to "About You" again still brings back fond memories.

in 2005, ayu released a song "Bold & Delicious". my friends and i will go crazy everywhere singing BOOOOOOOLD AND DELICIOOOOOOOOOOOOOOUS. the song pulled me and my friends closer as we spent some crazy time together.

in 2006 Nov - Dec, i just finished A levels and went partying all night. I went clubbing and stayed out. I catch the first train home. It was the time when album "Secret" was released. When i reach home, i will be sure to listen to the new songs i just downloaded. especially "until that Day...". this song meant so much to me as i remembered how i spent my happy days after my A levels.

a week later in 2006 Dec, i got enlisted into the army and i was shut down of all entertainment. Luckily, i was told that i was able to bring in CDs to camp and i blasted the song "Secret" till i sleep. the song "Secret" accompanied me thru my army days as a Recruit.

in 2007 Apr, i was still a trainee serving the nation. i begged my instructors to let me go to Hong Kong. i told them that i need to visit a relative. But i went to ayu's ASIA TOUR. i was so happy in the coliseum. I did not know how to react when i see my idol just 10+ metres away from me in the air singing "evolution". i totally enjoyed the concert and i didnt wanna leave. ASIA TOUR 2007 definitely is a significant event of my life. it's my highlight of the year.

in 2007 Dec, i was so happy that ayu is gonna hold another ASIA TOUR next yr in 2008. i swear that i gonna see ayu LIVE in action again!!

in 2008 Jan, i received the news that ayu is deaf on the left ear.

i sounded as if ayu is dead, but i cant help it but to feel emotional as ayu has accompanied me thru A HELL LOT OF significant events in my life. and now knowing that my idol is not in the pink of health, i duno how to react. i feel so bad seeing ayu struggle to perform when she cant hear on her left ear!! i feel ashamed commenting that ayu has bad vocals when she cant hear properly.

all i can do is to continue support ayu and hope that ayu takes good care of her right ear. Nothing else please.

Well, Ayumi Hamasaki.... she's been a part of my life since 2002. I remember how amazed I was when I saw CM with her on some kind of special CD. And I really liked the music in the background.

Since that time so many different things happend in my life... happy and very, very sad. And all I remember is that Ayu was always there... Her music was always near me...

I believe that Ayu is still going to be with me... till the end of my life becouse I can't imagine any other artist that could replace her in my life. Thank you for this topic.

As for me, she's been a part of me since her YOU single. I LOVED it so much and still is. But Depend on you was the song who made me made up my mind TO COLLECT all her stuff. I WAS proud to be her fans, I AM proud now that I AM her fans and I WILL still love her, WILL ALWAYS BE her loyal fans and WILL ALWAYS support her no matter what her sales is by CONTINUE BUYING her STUFF. I LOVE HER MUSIC, I LOVE HER LYRICS, I LOVE HER no matter what people say about her.

My love towards her is simply becoz she has an AMAZING CHARACTER.

I think us fans are being a little too tragic over this. I believe ayu was already aware of her situation, and we've had previous warnings that her hearing was impaired. She could have lost her vision (which in my opinion, would be much worse) or died, but she is alive. Diseases exist, and even the richest people might not be free from some of them. ayu doesn't need PITY or compassion. As a fan, I respect her and hope she'll be strong even with the hardships she's going to endure with that problem. We should take her example of being strong and be strong ourselves, instead of crying in corners and feeling pity. It could be one of us, there are fans who actually have health impairments, and maybe we might have one of a sort someday, so I hope it will help us to go through such hard situations with our heads lifted.

Your entry was really heartfelt and reminded of myself in many ways. It's quite amazing how she became part of our lives... Beyond just a singer, a celebrity, an idol...

Very soon there'll be lots of NSmen visiting relatives overseas!!

I agree with you

Good point ,I feel the same exact way :yes This is not the end for ayu or any of us !! Crying isnt going to solve anything ,I'm not saying that its stupid to express how you feel, but acting like its the end of her career wont help you or ayu !! Ayu is still planning to do what she does best , SING!! There are soo many other bad things that could have happaned to her that are worst ... and I know her moving on would be a inspiration for people who have the same problem she has.

Hey... I just wanted to share my thoughts on Ayumi. I did not pity her at all

I understand that fans are sad over her problem, but it's not the end of her career, she hasn't quit on you guys. Ayu's always had hearing problems, it's nothing new. I agree with Impact.

True true. In the end she's not the first or the last to suffer health problems. Andrea Bocelli, an Italian singer is blind but he performs in concerts and delivers excellent performances. Other artists like Delta Goodrem suffered from cancer but they still got back onto their musical career after they got better. I think Ayu will be just fine if she is more careful and doesn't strain herself too much.

u all dont understand..

wait till one of ur loved ones get deaf and i will be telling u that crying doesnt solve anything. It's nothing new. You are getting a little tragic here..

When you saw Ayu in the leopard suit you thought she sacrificed alot and was darling??

When I saw it, I was like

Damn. Talk about a Camel toe.

If somebody in my family or a beloved one got deaf from an ear, I'd try to be strong and tell them to be so. I wouldn't go crying and panic and make them feel like they're dead/**** and bury them alive with pity and compassion. That wouldn't solve anything, if not, it would make things worse. I'm not being insensitive but your post has so much nostalgy/tragedy it almost sounds as if you're giving condolecences to ayu's family for her tragic death. People get sick, some suffer more, but serioysly, this could have been a LOT worse, ayu could have died on a plane accident or an earthquake, but fortunately, she's alive, and willing to still do her job.

since u r a mod, delete my thread then. i have said my piece.

:love I love this post, it's very sweet and it's clear Ayu means alot to you. Thank you for sharing your story :thud

don't take it persionally. I'm just postig my opinion, as an initiate and not a mod. It would be ridiculous to use moderation here.
No need to be so sensitive either. Some people are agreeing with you, so can we all agree to disagree?

I know how you feel. You've been a fan for a long time. So have I. It's hard to recerive such bad news on ayu. I guess it hasn't sank in much into me at all yet. I do think we shouldn't be getting too sad because of that. ayu is strong and we should be too. no hard feelings, ok?

you know ,my dad is deaf in his right hear, but I dont ever remember crying instead I helped him move on, by being strong . By the way... he is doing just fine, he still works and everthing, sometimes I forget that he is part deaf anyway....

This is my personal opinion only since everyone deals with things differently, but I think that what you did was admirable. I also don't think that crying and feeling pity would be a good idea. The person would already be feeling sad and seeing people around him/her constantly sad would also dampen his/her moods. I think being positive is a great way since it helps the person move onwards.

Thank you ^^ Besides my dad gets pretty upset and almost mad when he thinks i'm about to cry. So if he saw me crying because of him, that would get him really upset.
I'm so happy that he is doing fine now, I feel even better because I believe I helped him to do so ^^

My friend was like that too. She used to tell us that she didn't want to be with sad people because she wanted to be happy. I think you helped him because I'm a firm believer that a positive attitude always helps.

Thank you soo much ^^ I'm happy to hear you think that too :)

so after what u guys said, u guys are trying to say that u all dont feel sad or anything? u all didnt feel sad jus cos ayu wants u to be happy? i dont have the right to be sad cos ayu would prefer us to stay happy.

i dont get it y u guys are treating like nothing happened. yeah i was too emotional. jus expressing how i felt and i get everybody telling me its useless being sad and pity cos ayu probably doesnt want us to be sad. crap.

^I'm not sad in the least bit. (Sure, it's not the best thing that's happened to her, but I'm not in a corner crying my eyes out.) Yes, it sucks, but she's blessed that she still has her hearing in her other ear. So many people in the Deaf world are born Deaf with hearing parents, are isolated in the hearing world, and are shunned by their parents because they think their child is "different." There's also a lack of communication because their parents do not know how to teach or speak SL.

Ayumi has been singing for almost ten years now, with her hearing in her ear slowly diminishing. When you look at it, she's got it better than so many other people. I feel that fans are treating this bit of "shocking news" as the end of the world when, in reality, it could be the start of something new!

THANK YOU!!

Don't feel that way. Of course we're all upset by the news. I was really upset when I first knew about the news too. It's perfectly normal to be sad over it.

We're not treating it as if nothing happened. We're just trying to be more positive about this. :)

Because no matter how upset we are over this matter, life still has to go on.

Exactly thats not what were trying to say at all !! What I mean is that we should all stay positive about the matter ,thats all. Its ok to cry and feel pity for ayu, but in the end it does nothing to help you.Unlike being positive ,moving forward , and realizing this is not the end ^^ Everyone has their own way of dealing with things .... and each way has shown that we care about ayu!

Yes I feel sad about the event but I guess I tend to treat these things as a part of life. I dunno... I guess it's my way of dealing with things. I know that it's going to be difficult for her but as long as she's happy I am going to be happy. She has been in the music industry for a very long time now and it seems she always had a problem with that ear so... guess it was a matter of time.

I don't think it's useless being sad. It's a natural emotion and everyone deals with things in life differently so you should just deal with it the way you want to :yes

I dont understand the argument in this thread. People are saying she is over reacting and that instead of being true to herself and feeling what she feels she should pretend to be happy? Not everyone deals with things in that way. I belive it was actually meant to be positive. Right? I mean look at the title "Ayu in my life" and then the OP preceeded to talk about the positive influences Ayu has had in her life. I dont understand what about that is negative.

Some people like to be strong because of the expiriences they have had.
Some people like to cry because they dont want to keep it inside.
Whatever their reasons are, they are their reasons. And you cant argue with that.

Perhaps a more productive idea for this thread would be to talk about Ayu in your life, just as the OP did.

Personally Ayu has helped me through alot. and I cant always be so strong. So being able to listen to Ayu's music who admiditly cant always be so strong aswell makes me feel as if its ok me be myself.

Since '05 for me. I remember I was like your typical new Ayu fan "WHAAAAAAAAAAA OMG THIS SONG IS SO FREAKING AMAZING!!!!" and the like. 06 Somewhat followed and I got more into here, my nuisance went down a lil, and 07 I caught up with everyone else and was waiting for news here and there. From what I've seen from Ayu, I feel like her character is very similar to mine, like if there may just be a special connection that we have... but the only way she'll connect to me is through her music ^^ I'm pretty sure it's almost like that with most, we're just waiting for our Big (or lil) sis to encourage us, and keep us moving in life. :yes In the end she's just another human, no better or worse than anyone, just a celebrity but I'm glad to see that she doesn't do anything to drastic (or doesn't show it) to ruin her image, in fact she's a pretty good influence except for the few scantily clad outfits, the drinking, and apparent smoking which aren't a taboo these days :laugh

Haha you know...I first got my 1st taste of Ayu in 2005 when I started watching Inuyasha and heard one of the albums from the anime. As most of you probably know Ayu's 'Dearest' was featured as one of the ending songs to one of the seasons and 'No more words' was used as the ending theme to the first Inuyasha movie (I think it might've been the second). I didn't care for her that much as I've said before but in 2006 during the summer I started to get into her trance and thought that's all she was xDDD! But yeah so to make a long story short...I got into her original material near the end of 2006 and then last year I entirely fell inlove with Ayu in like January/February.

I think the thread has moved into the wrong direction. I think alternalist meant to express his personal feeling towards Ayu, and what Ayu has meant in his life.

Of course he can feel sad about Ayu's health. Even if Ayu says "don't worry! I will be OK"... when you feel pity for someone, it doesn't matter if the other tell you WHATEVER. I think this happnes when you are close to one person, I mean, really close, and the other sees you suffering because of your problems - It's nice to be strong and to restrain yourself and say, "I'm going to stay happy and support the other person as good as I can". But in this case, alternalist can suffer this situation as he desires too. He, unfortunately, is not the boy's next door.

Returning to the original idea of the post, thank you for sharing it with us, I think it was really touching. I have also an account of moments of my private life in which Ayu have affected directly, and I undertand how you feel. (I also have a precise moment I remember with the song B&D ^^uuu). I feel "sad" for Ayu, but of course, I do not know her. I have not cried about it. I would like she takes a real rest from all the media and work. But I am afraid this will not happen.

The very first time I see Ayu was back in 2002 in 'Real me' PV.
Since then I started to like her because I thought she is an interesting artist :D

:yes I'm going deaf, and my dad is deaf in both ears (completely deaf in one). I know how annoying it is not to be able to hear good, I can imagine what Ayu's going through. I feel really bad for her, especially because her hearing is important for her career. I've been a fan of hers for.. 5 years now? but I'm not going to break down over it, she's using her hearing loss as motivation to continue, and we should be happy about that. :) It's a sad situation, but she's not letting it get to her, we should be strong and happy for her.

woah, compared to you alternarist, although i've seen seasons' advertisement in singapore years ago, i have only started to support ayu in early 2007 xp

i was amazed by how ayu has became part of your life..and that's great!..i would also like to see ayu in person during one of her future concerts..im only 16 this year..so it's abit hard to go overseas by myself.

Anyway..try not to let your emotions get a firm grip of you..i can understand how it feels when something bad had happened to a person that you've idolize for many years.

Imagine if all members in AHS cannot accept the fact, the whole forum will be full of grief and there will be no laughter..and i suppose no one will want the forum to end up in this situation. So, try to be more positive about it =)...since ayu being the victim did not even despair...and yeah everyone has his or her way of dealing things but we being her fans should stay supportive of ayu and learn to be more optimistic like her.

i was only an ayu fan since august 2007? and ayumi has always been my strength of encouragement and all. i cant remember myself not singing ayumi to myself to calm me down or boost my confidence level. and im so glad to see so many ayu fans here.

if she really were to lose both her ears, or erm *** i think the only song i'd like to listen to is walking proud. its always makes me happier.

omg this thread is so pretty. its like looking at ayu from our perspective in a positive way :)

but all in all,

I first listened to Ayumi when I was a freshman in high school (about 5 years ago). I knew who the artist was, but I had no idea of what the songs were. So, me, along with my first year of Japanese classes, tried really hard to find the song titles and lyrics.

Ayumi's first real impact on my life, is when a guy in my life, lied to me about his feelings for me. For eight months. Every time I'd start to cry, I'd turn her music up, and sing my heart out (poorly) until I felt better.

Then, I had to put my puppy to sleep after almost fifteen years. I got her when I was three, so I don't remember much about life before having her. She was my everything, because I didn't have any friends until I was thirteen, and my family was always gone. So, when I lost her, my whole world fell apart. So, I dedicated "Heaven" to my puppy dog, along with my tattoo of her.

Her lyrics, and attitude are so powerful to me, that most people don't understand it. Maybe someone here will get an idea of how much she's changed me. :)

LOL indeed this thread seems to go in the direction of when we fell in lurve with ayu etc etc.. :P:P:P (i dont rmb how i got to know ayu & that somewhat really get on my nerves.. :irked:irked:irked)

i was of coz when i heard of the news, shocked & saddened by it but i still hope all is well for her..i got to know abt the news when my colleague told me (well they ALL know what a big fan i m of her hehe :innocent:innocent:innocent)

now my feelings towards that news changed: from sadden to hopeful (for her)

hope that she will not strain herself too uch AND AND AND continue to enjoy her life.. :love:love:love:love:love:love:love:love:love:love :love

I agree with this entire post. I feel like people are getting almost offended that alternist is sad about the news. If that's how he feels, then so what? Who are any of us to tell him how he should feel? Personally, I'm not sad about it. It's only one of her ears, and she's continuing, so that's what really matters. How can any of us say "Ayu wouldn't want us to be sad for her?" Although many people wouldn't want people pitying them, we really don't know how she feels in that respect, so lets stop with the whole "You should feel this way" arguments.

Back on topic (and away from the bullying...), Ayumi did something for me that no other artist really could: made me feel good about being different. Helped me to accept myself and realize it's a good thing that I'm not like everyone else.. that I have to have some pride in myself, that it's not the same thing as having an ego and also that I must rely on myself more rather than always on others.

It's strange how someone from such a different background, walking such a vastly different path could seem so much like myself in the places that count.

why this thread is bumped up again? first of all, i didnt even break down NOR cry. I know crying doesnt solve anything but which part of my freaking 1st post specifically said that i cried nor break down? WTF?

i definitely didnt expect so many people telling me what to do. Worst is that i have people telling me

1) I am getting over tragic over this. (since when)
2) ayu doesnt need PITY. (in the first place are you ayu? if not shuddup.)
3) talk about a freaking camel toe (i duno what that means. but sounds bad)

^ i will freaking remember the people who said the above. the worst phrase is point number 2. a mod in this forum doesnt mean u know a lot about her. yeah she probably doesnt need pity. But how do u noe? For all we might noe, ayu maybe crying.... ah lazy to argue with u.

my thread didnt meant to sound over tragic or whatever. If u guys are getting so agitated over what i wrote, by all means. I am not affected at all by whatever you guys said cos i am not here to seek attention nor to be liked by anyone here. I am here for ayu. and it is because i am here for ayu, i felt sad for her loss of hearing. I didnt said that i cried nor break down. You guys simply assumed it.

I jus wanna share the connection between my life and ayu. You guys jus spoiled everything. Thanks so much. If you guys (who dont feel sad at all) have nothing to share, then why are u here? You needa go back to where u belong.

And if anyone of u decides to hate me, pls do so cos i am not here to be liked by anyone. If u wanna befriend me, i am more than willing. If not, i wun care. I am just me. i gonna continuing posting in this forum unless i am banned.

are you sure? cuz i dont remember seeing one XD:no

but i think you can see one in her latest countdown 2007-2008 :o

Sweetie, you need to calm down. I don't blame you for being upset, but you can't let mean comments get to you. I completely understand what you were saying. And yes, I do think as someone who is a part of our lives, Ayu deserves our empathy and support. I think it's great that you feel so strongly for her. She is putting on a brave face and making the best of it but I think she would be glad to know that she has the support and prayers/good vibes of her fans, that we are feeling the same feelings as her (or as close as we can). And if you read the post above you, there are others sharing how Ayu has affected them (me!). So buck up, you do have friends here if you want one. :)

(And in case any of that was misunderstood, I totally support you in feeling sad or whatever it is you feel because they are YOUR emotions. No one should tell you to suppress them or change them. Sadness always eventually fades anyway, sometimes you just need to feel it to get through it.)