[TRANSLATION] Cawaii March 2008 GUILTY interview; Ayu 10th year career anniversary
 

I felt that my mind have really become stronger than last time.

I have never thought I did wanted to give up during the making of this album, given such a strong-willed person like me.

But I immediately kicked away that negative mindset and pressed on, in which I successfully finished the production.

Maybe you all think I'm a stong-willed person, and I do, too.

Although I'm really such a person, but there was a time when I nearly chose to give up.

Since I stand back up again after failures, I am sure you guys can too.

We may met with numerous obstacles, harm, injury or setbacks,

I hope nobody here feels unsettling.

This shall not be the end, there must be a day where the journey can continue.

I'm not a pro-active person, okay? (laughs)

I'm just a lucky girl whose being successul a bit earlier.

Some may take a longer time,

As it may so, I still think everyone will succeed.

There are a lot of incidents happenned in the past, and I always thought that it doesn't matter anymore should anything happens now. But that's not the case.

No matter what, I can still be singing and talking like this, can't I?

The year 2008 marks the 10th anniversary of my debut.

So I also wanted to go to places that I never been there before,

I really look forward to see everyone!

You guys must wait for me!



It is already becoming a norm for AYU to release her new albums around the New Year, and of course year 2008 is not excluded. It's called "GUILTY" and it really depends on personal interpretation about the meanng of the title. But let's not make it sounded so nice. The real meaning of GUILTY stands for "AYU is AYU". To sum that up in the place of "return to the very beginning", it would actually be better if we use the term "rebirth".

I think this is a nice album. The word "nice" does have a lot of meaning, or it is full of thoughts. Although I tend to praise previous albums like "MY STORY", "(miss)understood" and "SECRET", these albums harbors sense of accomplishments that were different to each releasement. It does feel a bit like times when I'm making "DUTY" or even "LOVEPPEARS". That means I feel like, "I'm doing these albums fine" or "luckily I did these albums".

In these few years, I would just simply say words like "I somehow did a good album that can dedicate to everyone" and then concludes an entire year. However this time, I didn't feel the same serene feeling after released my latest album anymore, instead I feel a bit of pain until now. Nonetheless I still regard this album as successful. The process was smooth when I was compiling "SECRET", that not only it gives me confidence, and the arrival of sudden-thoughts such as "Oh, this album was made because of this purpose" or "This song was written during the time when I was hurt, but was unable to heal it."

However I didn't get the same feeling this time around. There's nothing emotional about this album, it was just finished in a breath. But when I examined the songs' lyrics from my album, I was astonished that they somehow are telling a story. "How could it be?" I asked. (Laughs)

This kind of mood, is totally different from the usual feelings I had when I finished other albums. It's the same heart-pounding sensation when I first made "Duty".... [It is all right just by crying everything out and throwing tantrums all around?] I really enjoyed myself when I was in the process of making this album, and wasn't care about it until the result makes me wanna take a few steps back (Laughs). I can still feel that anxiety even right now.



Indeed, We do experienced the way that the lifestyle of AYU between "MY STORY" and "SECRET". The sense of recuperation and fellow-ship was somehow not the
same. "GUILTY", this time however, should substitute the word "same" with "coherence".Interpersonal struggles and dilemmas had awakened without one's awareness. The sensation of impulsive-rush ravages from the heart, and that is exactly the feeling when singing "DUTY".

I think that is true, of course. It is truly considered a "magnum opus" by me. Although these years I had released several albums that received positive feedback, the confidence were like semi-hidden within these albums. Higher confidence yields better albums -- but it will make the name "AYUMI HAMASAKI" go thinner. More people would be saying that "AYUMI HAMASAKI" was part of the album than mentioning that the albums had replaced "AYUMI HAMASAKI". However this time, the albums "GUILTY", "DUTY" or even "LOVEppears" had me felt that "AYUMI HAMASAKI" had replaced them all. Perhaps such thoughts were originated from some of my personal worries, however I'm very sure that these albums can help me share some of them.

it's a bit of surprise when we hear the long-lost word "worry" from between AYU's lips.

Certainly, I wanted to let everyone hear me say this, but then I had doubts on that... "Everyone should be able to know how I feel after I say such a thing, which it never backfires." I am pretty sure on that. Overall, It may seemed dark, but I had never say things like, "Everybody please bring on your courages and hopes and live on bravely." Maybe the darkness feeling was caused by my insecureness.

Ayu seems to also have sensed the major differences of this album from the others. We had felt something has been created in an inspiring way. For AYU who is going to be celebrating her 10-year-old career in 2008, What kind of an existance of the album "GUILTY" is to you?

You can say that it is a miracle. There's virtually no inspiration at all at the time of composing this album from the start. Frankly speaking, I really didn't have much energy to create a new album in the year 2007. There is no meaning at all if I force myself to squeeze out something even if I can't do that. I was thinking that it is better off doing the album in a laid-back attitude, because it would make everyone unhappy, and do no good to myself should I bulldoze it, it's true.

But one day I suddenly took up a pen and started to write song lyrics. It was said that I wanted to write but actually I HAD TO WRITE IT no matter what. I was like, "I still can't stop singing and writing lyrics." And five songs were born becaue of that in the very same day.

It might be some sort of a sign to me, that perhaps wanting me to produce this album no matter what. But, there were a lot of thoughts like, "Maybe it doesn't work", and caused the whole producing process to pause.

I am usually not a person that gives up easily. but I really did had the phrase , "Oh well, these problems does exist!" , "Just accept whoever I am, will ya guys?", and I just basically surrendered to the crew. And I hate myself being like this.

At the end, I somehow felt, "gotta finish it up", and I withdrew all my previous negative thoughts the very next day (laughs). I got stronger from that day onwards, and fulfilled all my planned scheduled which was nearly impossible to accomplish.

I finally understood that giving up is really the worst I could ever done, and from then on, I always think like this, "I shall never give up".

GUILTY, about the meaning of this title given to this album, meant the abbreviation of "A TITLE given by one's ownself, as it refers to one's current state or way of living". But are there anyone who is really "clean" in this world? Maybe they hurt someone even thought the hadn't done it on purpose, for example, lying and other minor offenses which can be found on everyone by right...

I have carefully done alot of soul searching regarding the issue of "feeling guilty, but still life has to go on" whenever I was composing or performing. No matter how people feel sinful, since we are alive and kicking, then we should continue living on the best we could whether we are sad or happy.

Those who had listened to "SECRET" will perhaps perceive that the album somehow acts like a movie that infinitely repeats itself no matter played from which track. And "GUILTY" is like a trilogy that spans from the first track to the last, which no tracks whould be left out in order to preserve its completeness. Then it feels like, "Even if it's like this I still have to...". Maybe this is exactly the "Life must go on" perspective brought up by AYU.

If there's anything special about this album, then maybe it's about I cried when I first listened to GUILTY. Basically I do not listen to my own songs. I always calm down whenever I finished recording, and judge my songs as a third party, or thinking about some parts of the song such as "This part of this song maybe wasn't that easy to sing". This time it isn't both of these perception, because I couldn't stop crying during the song and I would always do something else in the middle of the song (laughs). But if I listen to it again I would think, "it's great to be alive", definately.


Translated by Isaac Hiew
Translated from Cawaii! March 2008 International Chinese edition, Page 15, 18
17/March/2008



Kindly ask for permission to put this article on anywhere else. Thank you.

Oh wow. :)
This is neat. Better start reading haha. :D

That's really exciting for her to have reached 10 years in her career. Especially as a singer. She's pretty much an inspiration for everyone. :)

i love it, thnx for translatin and postin

Interesting article! I really love how thoughtful she sounds in interviews...

^ I think Ayu did like how GUILTY turned out...I think she was more surprised how all the songs flowed together, like a story.

Great interview!..it's a lil confusing at some parts but never mind!

'' And five songs were born becaue of that in the very same day. '' -> WOW

Wow. I loved that! :D

She's so thoughtful. I'm nowhere near that thoughtful, Hahahaha.

She has a high level insight which we can't deny, haha. It's a good article, and I must say GUILTY does flow. Everytime I hear Mirror, I think, "Okay, (don't) Leave me alone is next... then talkin' 2 myself, then decision...etc." haha.

Thanks for the translation :)

So it does seem like Ayu also believes that nowadays she lacks inspiration.. :o

thx for your translation

Thanks for the translation. Some parts ARE indeed confusing. Can't really understand what she's trying to say. But I guess she's like really tired too. I mean releasing an album every year? And still churning out singles continuously? I think that's a feat only Ayu can accomplish.

Wow really interesting, I love Ayu more now :D

thanks a lot! 5 songs born in one day! wow!

go AYU!

I love you for taking your time to translate these articles :thumbsup

Thank a lot!

Thanks for the translation isaac.. :)

woaaahhh...thanks..so interesting

thanks for the translation

thx so much for translation, isaac! and i must say, it makes me a little bit sad.... with this interview i get the feeling that she's becoming tired to perform and make new and more new songs. it's just a feeling i get when i read this, i don't know why. maybe it's because i'm afraid of the day she say's that it's over.....

Here's the scanlation AMX-Subs (Deli and I) did not too long ago:

http://img181.imageshack.us/img181/2...ion4gl2.th.jpg http://img511.imageshack.us/img511/2...ion5sy0.th.jpg http://img206.imageshack.us/img206/2...ion1as3.th.jpg http://img181.imageshack.us/img181/2...ion2jy8.th.jpg http://img511.imageshack.us/img511/8...ion3of5.th.jpg

Please credit AMX-Subs when using these elsewhere. Thanks! ^_^

is the popteen had arived malaysia?
omg... i should get it

This is exact the same article I read in Indonesian version in one Indonesian magazine... I wonder if the source of the one I read and this one are the same.

THANK YOU!
I REALLY LOVE THIS KIND OF AYU, THIS BRAVE AND TOUGH AND NEVER GIVE UP GIRL!!!
OMG!!!!!

thx a lot Isaac! really appreciate it.

there's still so much thing that we don't know about ayu....:)

really? which magazine?

it wont be over...but i think, it will go slow...that explains the few singles last year....
but i think GUILTY is really great...

and ayu is really really...cool after i have read this...thought i realy dun understand "GUILTY" meaning AYU is AYU and stuff..

ayu never give up...
i like you so much ayu and please visit indonesia again :D:D

10x you're amazing :P

Thank you so much for the translation!

thanks for translating ^^

Yeah, I got sort of uneasy feeling from this interview, because it makes me feel like Ayu didn't really mean some of the lyrics she wrote for GUILTY, because she was like "oh god I must write at least something"... :(

Thanks for the translation!

Thank you very much! I'm glad that she didn't give up. =]

2007 was a depressing year for Ayu.

This part sparks my curiosity, lol:

Wow!
I've never expected to read this translated article about Ayu-chan.
And I've never read any magazine article about Ayu-chan's works and her current events of her life.

I hope more translators to do more of it for us.

Thanks for the scanslation! ^^,

One small trivia to confess....

You know I always hunt down ayu-related magazines (Except ViVi, I don't know why... maybe unintentional discrimination....?) whenever I can.

I was strolling around at a newspaper stand and I came across this magazine, and was surprised that it was up-to-date, and the price was only half of those I bought from Kinokuniya.

Usually you'll have to wait for like 2 months before they were willing to mark down the prices, but I did't think much when I buy it.

Upon reading the magazine, I sensed that the printing was kind of blur and some words were like bleak out..... then I realized that I had bought a pirated version....

So guys there you have it...... it doesn't matter...... right?

Thanks :) I really love reading what Ayu says >w< Just a lil more inspiration to everyone's complex lifestyles!

If you want to read more about my works, you can either:

1) send me copies of ayumi-related articles (strictly Chinese/Malay only)by email, and I will email the translated version for you. Don't worry it's free of charge. I do it as a service for Ayumi's fans and regard it as a hobby and practicing of my English.

2) search for my name under the News section of this forum. Don't ask me how many articles have I posted as I do not keep track of them.

3) due to the high cost of scanning, and since I'm a poor guy who can't afford to buy a scanner, I can't post up scans anymore. There must be some scans available since there are tons of members who are willing to share, just like me.

4) If you wanna use my articles, kindly ask me for my permission. So far I have never rejected anyone.... it's more like a ritual..... -_-; I had once got a Singaporean magazine stole my article and publish it up, and they even didn't bother to correct my spelling mistakes! Still, I take it as a compliment and merely as a service to my fans because I "didn't" get permission from the original authors' too.

If only I know Japanese..... -o-

They stole your translation? :eek
Wow, that's just... no words... so wrong :wtf

Thanks so much for translating :heart

Thank you!
I love it how ayu explains very personally what she refers when she's talking about a certain song or an album, she definitely reminded me of myself when I would explain about something like that. Same attitude.

Thanks for the translation!

That's pretty cool.

Great article. Thanks for the translation.

Thanks for the translation

thank you so much for translating

Thanks for your great work!
Never give up! We all support you Ayu!!!

thanks for the translation..really appreciate it

Thank you!
 

Thank you!

The scanlation was a nice read. Thanks!

thanks for your support. I'll translate more if I have the opportunity.

thank for translation

Thank you very much for the translation!*__*
I love how words can be deep in an Ayu's speech!*_*

thank you so much for the translation! I wouldn't have known ayu better if not for these kind souls who did an english translation!

Great article and translation, thanks!

I really like how Ayu admits that she had trouble with GUILTY. That's the best thing about her, she admits that there's a problem, deals with it and moves on. Many people usually stuck in the first phase and never admit there's any problem at all, even to themselves...

hmm..very interesting.I like how she makes a refference to Duty & LOVEppears.I was always associating Duty with GUILTY maybe because of her struggle to turn things in her favour even in the worst moments.I think 2007 was a pretty bad year for her. She's a fighter! And involuntary she managed to tell us a story about recovering,surviving and rebirth through GUILTY.