... --; Goddamn internet, deleting my post. Anyway, I wanted to edit in my review of the album so.. let's start again.
I'd first like to draw your attention to the album cover--no not the image, but rather the album
title.
Note the way GUILTY is written. It has a line splitting it down the centre, and I think it can mean quite a few things: the guilt expressed in these songs isn't just
her guilt but that of someone else's. Perhaps this guilty shared by the people to whom some of these songs are dedicated? Or perhaps it's a guilt that's tearing her emotions apart--she's split and conflicted about the guilt and it leaves her feeling torn and indecisive.
Now as for the tracks...
01. Mirror - The introduction/instrumental track. An upbeat, almost cutesy little melody. I like the use of "children's" instruments as it makes me think of a music box and it fits in with another instrumental track to be found later on the album. The light-hearted tone of the song is very deceptive, though: I think the purpose of
Mirror is for the listeners to look into it and see the rest of the songs in the reflection, to see these various "faces" shown in them and the face of the album as a whole.
02. (don't) Leave me alone - This track took a little while to grow on me but I have to say it's just
fun. It's got a nice beat, one that makes me want to get up and dance. But even this, too, is deceptive as the album is by no means a "dance friendly" one. This track makes me think of how fun it is to listen to
About you from
MY STORY, but even
About you dealt with a rather serious matter of the heart, as I believe
(don't) Leave me alone does.
The wording of the track is a really interesting one: it's contradictory! Without the (don't) the title almost seems like a childish, petulant plea to be left alone, to not be bothered, but the (don't) isn't exactly included with the rest of the words: it's distanced, it's contained in parentheses, almost like the plea to
not be left alone is an admission Ayu is not willing to make out loud.
03. talkin' 2 myself - I was blown away when I first heard this track. Ayu sounded so confidant and determined, and the full song/music video for it only asserts this message. "Creation comes after destruction" seems to be the theme of
talkin' 2 myself and I think if there was a track that really captured the "face" of the album, this one would be it. It's about recovery, about emerging from the pain and the flames, crawling from the ashes and standing tall.
The music itself reaffirms this message: it's as "hard" as Ayu's ever gonna get. It's "danceable," too, but instead of dancing the guitars, the drums and the beat of this song make me want to stand up, raise my fist and sing along. It's a very hopeful anthem that gets stuck in your head--not in a bad way. It's good to hear Ayu's message on loop in the background of your thoughts.
04. decision - Oddly enough I never really "got into"
decision. I think it's the only new song from Ayu that I honestly didn't pay much attention to in the slightest, and I can't help but feel regret for that.
decision is as "hard" and powerful as its predecessor,
talkin' 2 myself, and yet it almost has a push/pull element going on with the music. The guitars and drums come in, rockin' out and fierce--and suddenly they cut out and an airy melody plays with Ayu's voice to accompany it. Then the guitars pick up, the drums come back to life and Ayu charges on singing, while the airier music seems to get overshadowed by the force of other instruments. Even so, I really haven't given
decision the credit it deserves: it's a powerful, determined song just like
talkin' 2 myself. Hell, I'd say that
decision is like t2m part 2: it states the same message, it sticks with the same theme and just like t2m, I not only want to stand up and raise my fist but I want to sing along as loud as I can, opening my hands to the sky... Sing it, gurl. :3
05. GUILTY - A distorted sort of beginning is made ethereal due to the peal of bells and a rising/falling/rising string of piano keys. The title track to the album is the start of "the descent" from powerful, determined anthems into painful, poignant tracks that strike the heart.
I'm honestly in love with
GUILTY: the melodies and composition, it's all so haunting and eerie. I think it fits in with the album's theme and I can definitely see why it was used for the album title (or the song was named after the album): even the music can't seem to make up its mind. Pianos, bells, techno beats, guitars, drums, violins--all these elements of being "tough" and strong, and yet Ayu's voice sounds so unsure and a little timid. I think this is a key element to the album and to the story Ayu is telling us.
06. fated - The first song of two that will be really... really hard for me to listen to and write about. When I first heard
fated I was driven to tears and all the times after that first listen I've still cried: sometimes I've even put the song on a constant loop for a full day, unable to listen to anything else and unable to stop the tears.
fated and the next track strike me as "the heart" of the album. We've reached the core, the focus and the true essence of what
GUILTY is trying to convey to us--and considering the content and nature of both
fated and it's follower,
GUILTY is one of the most sorrowful, pained and touching albums I've heard by any artist.
fated's composition is delicate and sweeping--it builds and swells, reaching an almost feverish pitch that strains my heart to hear, and throughout it all Ayu sings her heart out. Her voice, too, grows and swells, building up from the quiet tone of the song's start into what seems to me an "emotional scream." She isn't
really screaming, but you can just hear the strain and the emotion in her voice. Honest to goodness, I have not been able to listen to this song without tearing up. The little "piano breakdown interlude" at the song's middle is really what gets to me, I think.
07. Together When... - The second track of two that's really hard for me to write about while listening.
Together When... starts off with a simple batch of piano notes, soft string instruments and Ayu's equally soft voice. And yet several times throughout the song we get almost abrasive interjections of "harder" instruments and sound, like the fragility and tenderness of the song is being ripped apart or is crumbling. I like that
Together When... is the center-most track on the album as I feel like we've come half way on our journey... and yet we pause. We stop and start feeling regrets. Should we turn back? Should we have left at all? Should we go back the way we came, or keep moving forward with all those unsaid words left to rot in our hearts? It's a very tender song that also makes me cry whenever I hear it, but even so... the song tells us we can't go back now. Ayu expresses this in the lyrics: "
Maybe I shall be born again to myself some day/And start a journey to seek for you..." We can't stop now. We can only hope for a reunion some time in the future.
08. Marionette -prelude- - Hands down the most disturbing interlude track I've heard from Ayu. The tentative "musix box" melody seems so... broken to me, and slightly off, as if there's something missing to it. I just get this mental image of puppets sitting askew on a shelf or jerking slowly to life. In all honesty the track makes me think of American McGee's Alice at some points: the clocks, the winding noise, the little pianos and airy, creepster melody. All this leads into...
09. Marionette - Possibly my favorite track on the album that isn't a single. If the prelude to
Marionette makes me think of Alice,
Marionette itself makes me think of a broken doll in pieces, its arms and legs shattered. I just get the image of only the face remaining in tact with Ayu's voice coming out of it and admittedly it's a pretty creepy thought. I'd love to see Ayu do some kind of PV for this as I think it has real potential.
The only other band/artist I know to have a creepster!doll song are The Dresden Dolls/Amanda Palmer.
Kaledrina sounds like a cousin to
Marionette--but I digress.
Marionette is probably the best track on
GUILTY that, sadly, wasn't used for a single. All around it's a powerful, brilliantly composed and produced song that truly deserves its place on the track list.
10. The Judgement Day - A very spooky track when it first starts out, and yet it builds up to an almost light-hearted interlude. I was surprised to find that this was the lead-in song to
glitter--I almost felt that
glitter didn't warrant such a "dark" track to precede it, but that's where this song kind of fools us. The organ in the background is met with Ayu's "la la la's" and a building electronic beat, and it almost sounds hopeful and free. It's like a breath of air being given to you after the "heaviness" of previous tracks.
Curiously enough, Judgment Day often has very negative connotations, akin to the end of the world and the destruction of life. Strange that this song, then, sounds almost... peaceful and upbeat. I feel that, in Ayu's frame of mind, the Judgment Day of
GUILTY really isn't one of condemnation and damnation but a relieving release: time to start anew.
11. glitter - Ahh, yes. Honestly I can't find a reason not to like this song. I've read other people's dislikes about it and while I can understand it, I just don't
hear it in this song.
glitter isn't all fluff and happy rainbows, either. Just reading the lyrics will be able to tell a person that. And while it is the counterpart to
fated,
glitter is curiously distanced from that track and even comes on
after it. There's no denying the cuteness factor of this song, though. It isn't the album's strongest, but by no means do I think it's too awful that it shouldn't have made the cut. Ayu seems to think it had a rightful place on the album, and I have to say that I agree with this assessment: I also really enjoy the composition. It's a fun song in the same vein of
fairyland, or even
Beautiful Fighters.
12. MY ALL - This track does seem to pick up where
glitter ends off; up-beat tempo and style, bubbly singing from Ayu--I'd think if there were a track that doesn't really stand out to me on the album, it'd be this one. By no means does that make it a BAD song, it's just that I personally didn't feel it really had as much presence as some of her other songs. I do, however, really like the chorus: it strikes me as a really sweet song, like a gift to someone dear to you.
13. reBiRTH - Closing my eyes while I listen to this makes me think of the sun rising, or at least light bursting through a hazy cloud of the darkest gray. A lot of Ayu's songs feel this way to me, like you're getting that first shock of air and light after so much darkness and feeling smothered. The piano notes in the back give this song an almost gentle, tender mood to it, as if Ayu's preparing us for the feel of the next track. The song slowly fades off and I get the feeling of someone's eyes slowing opening, waking up and facing the light.
14. untitled ~for her~ - Starts off rather good--string instruments, a some-what light-hearted melody with Ayu singing quietly. If anything I'd call this track a definite "ode"--the mystery, of course, is to whom could this song be? The mysterious "her" to whom Ayu has written and dedicated this track seems to have been very dear to her; if
reBiRTH is the light breaking through the clouds of gray,
untitled ~for her~ is the feeling of the sun on your face, warming you and lighting the way.
With
untitled ~for her~ I feel almost as if it's a "closure" song. Your bags are packed, you're just now out the door and turning to get one last look of the place, one last breath of the air before you head off and away from it forever. It reminds me of this most especially with the way it ends: everything fades out but Ayu singing quietly and only the piano to accompany her, a very beautiful instrument that's been used quite often on this album. Everything about this song just SCREAMS "goodbye" to me, and I think it's a proper way to close off the chapter of
GUILTY's story.
---
I don't know if I'm just entering that "time of the month" where everything strikes me as so poignant and heartfelt, but I've teared up a lot listening to this album. Even on the songs that weren't sad, tears came to my eyes and I oddly found myself smiling, too. Such a contrast, huh? It's because I can feel the hope in this album, the heart in the songs and in Ayu's own creativity that strung this album together. It also speaks to me on a personal level due to various issues of my life--love, family, personal guilts and regrets... It's like Ayu took out a part of her heart and gave it to all of us, and that's an image that gives me chills.
I think my only pet peeve about the album is the order of the tracks: we get a whole slew of full songs without a single interlude throughout the first half, and yet the interludes are just crammed in there almost.. out of place towards the latter half O_o. The fact that these interludes come one after another, with one full song in between, just hits an "off" note for me. I think some of them would have worked much better towards the beginning part of the album or just full-on instrumental tracks. I'd love to see Ayu do that: make those instrumentals worth while, girl!
Or at least tag them on into the songs they lead into...
Despite this, I'm really enjoying
GUILTY. I wasn't sure on my first listen but I'm on the tail end of my second, going into my third, and I have to say that the album really is as strong as previous releases. I'd rank it up there among my favorites (DUTY, I am...) but I'd say it has room for improvement. Ayu has given herself a new platform on which to stand and all new heights to reach with her later releases. I look forward to whatever she gives us!
GUILTY rank: 5/5.
Edit'd for clarity.