[drewbilation]

Popjustice has reviewed the album:

What's 'The Promise' from the new Girls Aloud album like?

Well! It's like an elegant, sophisticated 70s disco song inexplicably missed off the Saturday Night Fever soundtrack. It's the first single and you've already heard it. You might not feel moved to play it very often, but when you hear it you enjoy it. It is the Girls' least brilliant (ie worst) comeback single to date, but it's still 'a pop treat'.

Best lyric: "Giving up just looking into windows"
Is it amazing? Fairly
Is it amazing by Girls Aloud standards? Sort of. Yes on a good day

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What's 'The Loving Kind' from the new Girls Aloud album like?

Well! Like 'Call The Shots' and Kylie's 'The One' this is essentially a hi-NRG ballad. Rhymes the word 'kind' with 'disinclined'.

Best lyric: "The issue's never mentioned, with all the best intentions" <<<CLASSIC TENNO*
Is it amazing? Yes. Really properly amazing
Is it amazing by Girls Aloud PLUS Xenomania PLUS Pet Shop Boys standards? Let's be honest - no

* It's probably Miranda having said that

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What's 'Rolling Back The Rivers' from the new Girls Aloud album like?

Well! Sonically it sounds like Girls Aloud doing 'I Just Called To Say I Love You'. The chorus has a great "ah-ooh" bit but the track's a bit nothingy - do we really come to Girls Aloud albums for lyrics like "there's a feeling in my soul that sets my heart alight"? WE RESERVE THE RIGHT TO CHANGE OUR MINDS ON THIS (seeing as it's Track 3, a traditional 'single position' on an album).

Best lyric: "Ah-ooh"
Is it amazing? Yes
Is it amazing by Girls Aloud standards? No

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What's 'Love Is The Key' from the new Girls Aloud album like?

Well! It's like a Girls Aloud album track mixed with one of the upbeat (good) songs on the Gabriella Cilmi album. Lyrically it's basically Paula Abdul's 'Opposites Attract' or A*Teens' 'Perfect Match' with various "you save all your money, I get into debt" type business.

Best lyric: "The life and soul of the party it's safe to say you're not"
Is it amazing? Yes
Is it amazing by Girls Aloud standards? Yes

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What's 'Turn 2 Stone' from the new Girls Aloud album like?

Well! It's like a mid-tempo piece of electronic incredibleness based around an ethereal "don't turn away, or you'll see it turn to stone" refrain. There is an amazing zoomy whoosh noise in the middle eight.

Best lyric: "Say you want to be certain, certain that this feeling will never fade"
Is it amazing? Yes
Is it amazing by Girls Aloud standards? Yes

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What's 'Untouchable' from the new Girls Aloud album like?

Well! Let's start off by saying that this runs to over six and a half minutes. It's fast, electronic and fantastic. The build-up to the chorus is immense: there's a great bridge ("I know a heart shouldn't beat so hard and sometimes you're swimming with the sharks"), a brilliant bit where it all drops out, and then a massive chorus - "in my dreams it feels like we are forty storeys tall, when you're around we're untouchable". The second time the chorus comes around there's a second part which includes the line "we're beautiful robots dancing alone".

Best lyric: The robots one
Is it amazing? Yes
Is it amazing by Girls Aloud standards? YES

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What's 'Fix Me Up' from the new Girls Aloud album like?

Well! This is down tempo but it is not a ballad. We are aware that certain people might in fact refer to this as 'low slung'. The intro and middle eight have a vocodered, pitched-down (or sung by A Bloke) "oh sex me up cos I'm feeling like I want you" line. It's basically a song about ****ing.

Best lyric: "Fix me up in the middle of the morningevening"
Is it amazing? It's better than anything by The Enemy
Is it amazing by Girls Aloud standards? No

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What's 'Love Is Pain' from the new Girls Aloud album like?

Well! It starts off pretending to be 808 State, then decides to be 'Break 4 Love' for a short while, and then ends up thundering into an early-90s electronic sort of affair. There are some brilliant "oh-oh-oh" bits at the end. That is a picture of a whip by the way, we know it doesn't look anything like one but it is.

Best lyric: "It don't matter to me, just be faithful to me"
Is it amazing? Yes
Is it amazing by Girls Aloud standards? Yes

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What's 'Miss You Bow Wow' from the new Girls Aloud album like?

Well! The intro kicks off with "everybody love love loves everybody everybody love love loves everybody everybody love love loves everybody everybody loves good loving". VERY GOOD. It might not actually be "good loving". It might be something else. The important bit, though, is the "everybody love love loves everybody everybody love love loves" portion - a lot of the song's based on a lyrical repetition but what's most amazing about this is how the song shoots off in a series of unexpected directions as it progresses - a trick which continues right into the last forty seconds. This might have the best chorus, melodically, and lyrically, on the album.

Best lyric: It's the chorus - "I remember living that dream, twenty minutes in a hotel bar, then I slip into your girlfriend's jeans, and I remember saying baby hold tight, twenty hours in the Twilight Zone, the only lovers in the world that night"
Is it amazing? Yes
Is it amazing by Girls Aloud standards? VERY YES

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What's 'Revolution In The Head' from the new Girls Aloud album like?

Well! It has a very agreeable "hey hey hey, oh oh oh" bit, which is a real bass-from-the-speakers-running-through-your-sneakers sort of pop moment. It's mid-tempo. It's alright.

Best lyric: "Revolution in the head don't count for nothing, you gotta move that ass, revolution in the head don't count for nothing, you've gotta beat the past", which is an excellent Oasis diss even if it's not meant to be
Is it amazing? Yes
Is it amazing by Girls Aloud standards? It is a very pleasant if functional album track

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What's 'Live In The Country' from the new Girls Aloud album like?

Well! It's basically the sequel to 'Swinging London Town' - waking up with a hangover and wondering whether things might be better with a couple of cows mooing outside your window. There's a great naivety to the lyrics ("if I live in the country I'll find another way - get rich, live in the country, I know I'll be okay"). It should also be noted that this is a drum 'n' bass track. Basically it's completely ludicrous. Ends with the distant bleat of a sheep.

Best lyric: "I want ducks and a lake and a family portrait and a pipe and a dog at my feet, I want a stall at the fete selling strawberry shortcake"
Is it amazing? Yes
Is it amazing by Girls Aloud standards? Yes

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What's 'We Wanna Party' from the new Girls Aloud album like?

Well! It's a lot like Lene from Aqua's 'We Wanna Party', mainly because it's a rocked-up cover of that very song. We're not exactly sure why this is on the album but nobody's getting hurt, it's only a bonus track and it sounds great in a 'What Will The Neighbours Say?' kind of way.

Best lyric: "We're so depressed we wear our shades at night"
Is it amazing? It is above average
Is it amazing by Girls Aloud standards? Not in 2008