[tenshi no hane]

^ Yeah, most haters leave out the 'kakkoii' in 'ero-kakkoii'. It supposed to mean sexy-cool, not '****ty' >.>;

More translations~

2007+2008

Spoiler:

2007年

I don’t want to fade when the “ero-kakkoii” boom ends.
I want to fight by showing my true talent as an artist!!

At the same time when I felt really happy about getting attention, the thought “I want to be recognized as the artist Koda Kumi” grew stronger.

I’ve said it countless times before but… I worry easily and I’m a coward (laughs). At the time my friends often asked me: “Kuu, there’s nothing to worry about, yet you always say ‘what should I do, what should I do’, why do you do that?” I was fine when I was busy and had lots of stuff to do, but when I was home and had nothing to do, I unconsciously started saying ‘what should I do?’… That was how I was in 2007.

Behind that was the fear:
“Won’t people get sick of me?”
“I have to do something!!”

Ever since I decided that I wanted to be a singer, be it when I was getting sales or not, the thought “I want to sing songs that move people’s hearts” was inside me. “Am I really doing that?” I often felt anxious about whether or not I really was.

As if in reaction to that anxiety, the thought “I want to reach people not just by being ‘ero-kakkoii’, but as the artist, as the entertainer Koda Kumi” grew stronger. That’s why I sang backed by an orchestra for the first time during my Premium Limited Live In Hall performance. I performed at the rock festival Summer Sonic ’07. Overruling my staff’s resistance, I performed dangerous stunts at my 2007 Black Cherry Tour… I challenged one new thing after another.

Those experiences allowed me to grow as an artist. Starting with ‘ai no uta’, I could ‘leave behind’ many good songs and performances. Because of this, the 2007 Black Cherry Tour is my favourite tour. My following tours couldn’t really surpass it… It was really vexing (laughs). The first time that I felt “I’ve surpassed it!!” was during my 2010 UNIVERSE Tour.

Because we waver and worry,
We are able to grow.

I feel that 2007 was a year in which I strongly felt that.

Spoiler:

2008年

I mustn’t forget it.
I mustn’t pretend like it never happened.
The fact that I hurt so many people
Still pierces my heart even now.

Life isn’t always nice.

Everyone experiences ups and downs in their lifetime. And… I’m no different. I recklessly kept running as I realized my dream of becoming a singer. The moment I thought “My dream has finally come true!!”, I destroyed everything with my own words.

Remembering that time is, to be honest, still hard. I’m the one who hurt others, but when I’m try to talk about it… my… my tears start to flow. I shed those tears not because my suspension was hard, but because it pains me that I hurt so many women with my words, even though I didn’t mean to. What was I doing? I was supposed to be working while thinking “I want to send out courage and dreams with my singing”. I was pathetic. How could I do that to the people who had trusted me and supported me…

That time I realized how immature and unprofessional I was. I stand and speak in front of so many people. I hadn’t thought about the responsibility and power that came with my position. But at the same time I was frightened by that responsibility and power. Is it okay for this young me to stand in front of everyone again in the future? Won’t I just make the same mistake again? I felt scared, so scared…… I kept thinking “I want to throw everything away and run away”.

It’s scary to talk in front of people.
It’s scary to stand on stage.
I want to quit being Koda Kumi.

But I decided to move forward thanks to the people who waited for me without returning their tour tickets, thanks to the warm words of my fans and thanks to the support of the people around me. Many people left because of my actions, but there were people who still believed in me and hadn’t let go of my hand. If I would let those people down, I would hurt them again. I have to bear it and keep going for the sake of the people waiting for me. That’s what I felt.

After my suspension, I immediately started preparing for my 2008 Kingdom Tour. Although I had decided to move forward… It was really scary to stand on stage.

There were countless times where I couldn’t sing
And had to cancel the rehearsals.
I dreamed countless times that there would only be a few people
In that big arena…
I couldn’t stop shaking even right until the first performance.

The first day I stood on stage, I was filled with anxiety. I still remember the voices of the audience from that day.

It’s still quite scary for me
To openly discuss my feelings
In front of others.

When I was asked “will you talk about the period surrounding your suspension?”, to be honest, I wavered a little. But I thought “I mustn’t pretend like it never happened”, “I have to talk about it”.

I mustn’t forget it.
I mustn’t pretend like it never happened.
I have to walk without running away
While facing it head on.

I hurt many people. I have to carry that responsibility.


T/N: For new fans: In 2008 Kumi caused a 'scandal' by remarking on radio that, "When women turn 35, their amniotic fluid goes rotten, so I'd like them to have a child by 35". Because of the controversy instigated by her comment, promotions and endorsements were stopped. And after issuing an apology Kumi secluded herself from the media for two months. (In Japan the low birth rate and advanced maternal age are very sensitive topics.)

I never realized just how much that 'scandal' affected her ;__;