[tenshi no hane]

And the last two~

2009+2010:

Spoiler:

2009年

Two long years passed
Before I could make my cowardly self
Start running forward again.

It’s rude towards my works and my fans to forever drag out my negative feelings.
“Think positively.”
“Pull yourself together and move forward.”
In my mind, I thought “I have to give it my all”
But my actions lagged behind. That’s how I was in 2009.

Whenever I tried to do something, I thought:
“Won’t I be scolded if I hold a flashy performance?”
“Won’t I fail?”
“No one will accept me, will they?”
Those kind of worries filled my head and I went on the defensive.
I just watched my surroundings.

Performing on live broadcasts was especially scary……
“If there are a 100 people who hate me, there will also be a 100 people who like me.”
Even though I repeated those words to myself… I was worried about people’s reactions.

I stopped running completely
Because I was afraid to fall.

When I line up my CD jackets of that time, I can clearly see those feelings of mine. The colours are faded and there’s no power. The way I was back then is subconsciously showing through… Products are really honest. But when my 10th anniversary year was about to start, I decided: “Staying like this is no good!! I have to start running again, without being afraid to fall!!” The song in which I decided to do so was Can We Go Back.

I was fixated on Koda Kumi’s unique “aggressive” sound and performance. I often write lyrics with a positive message, but using dreams and courage as the theme, I sang “I have to become stronger” and wrote about my own weakness for the first time in my lyrics… I feel like I was able to reclaim my confidence and style by singing this song.

Spoiler:

2010年

Koda Kumi’s 10 year journey had its ups and downs. When I finally thought “I’m living my dream!!”, everything slipped through my fingers… That’s how reality continued.

When I was recklessly rushing towards my dream, I believed without hesitation that “as long as I don’t give up, my dream will come true!!” When I felt depressed, I repeated positive words to myself and was able to move forward again. I had been running frantically without ever taking a break.

A lot of people have the image of Koda Kumi being a strong woman that never gives up, right?

But I also have lots of weak and pathetic sides.

To me, ‘entertainment’ means ‘to give people dreams’. That’s why Koda Kumi’s entertainment should never show her weak and pathetic sides. I still feel that way. I hesitated to talk about my own weakness, worries and struggles in this book because I wondered, “Won’t I destroy everyone’s dreams?”

But, you know, by revealing my true self…
“Koda Kumi gives it her all even though she’s scared, doesn’t she?”
“This cowardly person is still giving it her all, isn’t she?”
By revealing the path I’ve walked on, I can still give people dreams and courage, can’t I?
I’ve started to think like this:
This current me who’s faced many setbacks and who’s failed many times in the last 10 years, can send everyone a new “positive message about dreams”, right?

In the last few years, I became a coward and it felt like I was in a place that was separated from everyone. “I want to get close to everyone again by fearlessly sharing my true feelings. I want to sing more closely to everyone.” That feeling is locked into this book.

When I look back at these 10 years, I was only able to say “this was a good year!!” in 2006 and 2007. I’ve had more tough than good times, but now I think that was for the better.

Making your dream come true takes a long time. And it takes a lot of effort to not lose your dream again after you’ve made it come true… What I didn’t knew when I was 18 years old was: “Life isn’t always fun, but you’ve made it this far, you know. So please be confident.” That thought encourages me now as a 28 year old.

Life with its ups and downs has taught me the brilliance of singing once again.

Laughing with me during fun times, crying with me during difficult times… Whenever happiness and sadness piled up, songs echoed even deeper inside me. There were times where I was hit so hard that I couldn’t get back up, but by singing my songs which were made with the thought “I want to send everyone courage”, I was saved.

My songs also changed slowly but surely as I experienced more things. Even I don’t know what kind of songs Koda Kumi will sing in the future.

But I know one thing:
“I want to continue to sing songs that are linked to the “happiness” and “sadness” that is ever-present in our lives.” That is my unchanging dream.

I believe that my tears and smiles of the future will definitely become the bridge to my dream!!

Hopefully the 2010 one is understandable XD; she used really long sentences that were a pain to translate.

There's still some other stuff in the book, a talk between Kumi and misono for example, so expect more (but laaaaater XD)