[ren'ai]

Btw, this is one documentary I found from here someone posted a while ago I think, I don't know exactly where it's from but it's written by Kumi apparently about her struggles until the secret era

EDIT: i checked, it's from the First Things tour pamphlet

Spoiler:

Pre-debut until ‘affection’
Born on the 13th of November in 1982, Kumi is the first girl born in to the Koda family. Her professional career started with strong recommendations from her grandfather (who taught her Japanese bamboo flute) and her mother (a teacher of Japanese harp). Kumi has started practicing classical Japanese dance since as small as she can ever recall.

“I think I was three when I first performed on stage wearing a Kimono. So I can say that my dancing career is pretty long. Still now I get very nervous and tense before I go on the stage but as soon as I am on it, I become a professional performer. I think it’s because I have been practicing to dance on stage ever since I was a small kid. It was the time I became interested in singing. After the stage was over, we used to gather together at the banquet hall of the hotel and throw an after party and I remember my mother used to sing on those occasions. You know how usually, there is a tiny stage in those halls and people used to ask my mother to sing popular songs and once she started singing, everyone just stopped talking and listened to my mother singing. That was the moment I thought, I want to be like her: a singer who stops people’s conversations and have them listen to you sing”. She did not want to be just an icon or celebrity, but was fascinated by her mother’s ability to capture the audience’s attention simply with her voice.

“In the primary school yearbook I wrote “I want to be a singer when I grow up”. The first time I went for an audition was when I was in the 3rd grade. Ever since the first one, I had been trying out for so many auditions and passed for the first time when I was in the 2nd grade in high school. I started going back and forth between Tokyo and Osaka to attend singing and dancing classes then. I used to work part time at the same time to save up. On the way home from Tokyo after the classes , I fell asleep on the train and missed my spot more than once. Not know when I will ever be able to sing as a professional, one year passed and then an opportunity came. “

“It was a suprise being prepared by the staff and people who were involved in the production of the CD! I did not know anything so I focused on writing lyrics and recording instead of being worried! I wrote and rewrote lyrics over and over and did recordings endlessly without being given an exact day of the sales date. And one day there it was, my CD lined up at the CD shop with my face! “

Finally Kumi made her debut as a singer on the 6th of December in 2000 with her debut single “TAKE BACK”. However, her first single did not sell much and was never glittering as she imagined it to be. “I couldn’t put 100% of my focus on promoting as I was attending school the other time... It killed me to see the reality”.
Despite her depression, her single was sold in the U.S and also ranked 20th on the ‘Hot Dance Music Single’ of the Billboard but such glorious achievement did not cheer her up. “I knew being ranked on Billboard chart was a huge success but I placed emphasis on being top in the local (Japanese) chart back then”.

After releasing three singles, she also came up with the first album ‘affection’ on 27th March 2002. “I think at that stage, all my songs were great but back then I just didn’t care which songs I sang if I could sing and did not choose for myself. For example, there are very difficult songs like ‘COLOR OF SOUL’ and ‘So Into You’ and I used to wonder “will everyone hum this song or sing this song at Karaoke?” There were instincts and thoughts I just didn’t put much care into. I did not have enough experience or skills and methods to deliver my feelings”. Such struggle and conflict put her in agony for a while. “My 5th single ‘love across the ocean’, I thought was a masterpiece and I did not doubt it would be a hit but then, reality again hit me with disappointment. I was really confused again.”

real Emotion/1000 no Kotoba until grow into one

Her 7th single ‘real Emotion/1000 no Kotoba’ saved her singing career. It was used as a theme song of the popular game ‘Final Fantasy X-2’. The song hit the 3rd position on the Oricon chart. “This song was my last chance for success and it changed my life.”

Her consciousness of being an artist abruptly increased with this mega hit. “People started to notice me in town and my attitude towards how I should present myself as an artist dramatically changed. That is one of the reasons why I started to watch my weight. I lost 8 kilograms. I did not want people to think I am someone who cannot take care of my body. I thought staffs would not look up and make an effort for some lazy artist. I wanted to point out my sincere determination to become an important artist to everyone around me. And for me, it was to be on a diet. Immediately after ‘real Emotion’, we announced our 2nd album ‘grow into one’ and it also achieved good results and sales. This time this album reflected my opinions and thoughts more and what is more, I did not rely on TV exposure and still, it sold well and so I can say I did a pretty good job! “We must not forget that Kumi Koda is not those “Media Hype” singers who are over exposed on TV and use promotional publicities to sell but she is a singer who has her talent to rely on.”

For a while, after making my first single, I still sang at night clubs for a while. The situations were sometimes disastrous like the microphone was broken or everyone was drinking and they didn’t even care if I was there singing or not. But those experiences helped me gain guts to sing, train my vocals and taught me to ‘appreciate’. Once there was a time I had to sing for 3 and a half hours non-stop, shooting for a TV program. People might think “Woo that’s a harsh task” but it was nothing for me really, compared to worse experiences and other challenging situations I had known”.

Feel my mind

During the recording session of her 3rd album ‘feel my mind’, she joined in discussions with her sound producer and refined her senses as a music producer. “I had my own opinions of how sound should be made. You can see it in ‘Gentle Words’ and ‘Crazy 4 U’. I started listening to international music and started getting influences by them. I wanted to put an R&B and Hip-Hop taste into my next album and wanted to go on a tour as well. We were gonna make an album compiled with catchy songs everyone can sing and melodious songs to sing at lives... and stuff like that... That’s also when I was asked to sing the theme song of ‘Cutie Honey’. All went well as we planned and produced”.

Kiseki until secret

Her success continued and her 13th and very first ballad single ‘Kiseki’ was also a big hit. “I always wanted to sing a ballad song and my dream was built up for 4 years. With this hit, I was very proud and gained even more confidence”. Kumi said she recognised important facts as she was recording her 4th album. “I realised as I listened to my fans that they simply loved ‘good’ songs. I think I was thinking all songs have to have complicated meanings or had to be technically ‘cool’ but then my fans told me that simple, pure and straight songs were the songs they loved the most.”
Post-secret & Kumi’s vision of the future

The singing journey of Kumi still continues and Kumi talked to us about her vision for the future with strong and clear determination. “I would like to continue singing till I am 50, 60 years old. I don’t know where I will be in 20 years. I might be married and might have kids!? Despite that I will keep singing and want to be supported by younger generations, too. I want my kids (if I have any) to respect me for what I do. I want myself to be supported by fans who love me for who I am and for what I sing. Also, you never know I might be singing rock, alternative songs when I am 30 and jazz when I am 60! I don’t want to narrow down my singing potential into a small category. One thing I know for sure is that I will keep singing as long as I live!”

seems she became more involved after her debut album, and it increased as the years went by. I'm pretty sure there was another interview she did where she spoke about the harsh times and stuff, and I think in that she mentioned it was her idea for the phrase ero-kakkoii.. and that she only regrets not putting her own name in the phrase like Namie's amuraa style