[waterballoon]

Before beginning my opinion, I would like to say I respect Ayu very much as a performer and a person and I still like her and her music very very much. Whatever I have to say afterwards have no ill intentions towards her nor am I trolling.

So within the span of 2 years (2011 - 2013), we witnessed Ayu and her messed up relationships with Mannie and Maro.

I don't know any of them personally, neither am I on anyone's side in particular, but does anyone feel like Ayu was at a fault for both relationships?

Case 1: Mannie
If anyone has read the interview translations (thanks to the great Misa-chan!) on the NUMERO Tokyo interview about her private home, and she (allow me to paraphrase) said this of Mannie

"... did the photobook, it came as a shock to me. I thought, 'Eh isn't he my husband? Why is he doing things like this?'"

Clearly she didn't approve of his naked photo book. At that time, I thought wow so it really is because he was too provocative.

Then while watching some of her older PVs, it suddenly occurred to me that isn't that very hypocritical of her to say that when

1) She doesn't approve the idea of her then husband releasing a sexed up photo book/project
2) She doesn't like the fact he sort of "capitalized" on her network to release something in Japan

AND THEN, She has his face shoved into all of us and her portfolio, with 3 PVs, and then another PV (Return Road) with obvious hints towards Mannie post-divorce?

Also, isn't it a little opportunistic of her to take her personal disapproval towards Mannie, twist it in such a politically correct manner by saying that (I paraphrase from a TA message back in 2011)

"... I couldn't leave my homeland when it was in trouble, and so I have chosen my country over my marriage and we grew apart..."

Comparing this statement to her NUMERO Tokyo interview it was very clear to me that she seemed to have a change of mind. Of course it could be both reasons, and that at that time in 2011 it was a smarter move to only state one of the reasons, being a great time that it would also boost her image of a patriotic celebrity.

What I feel from this whole Mannie saga is that she herself felt she chose the wrong man (for whatever reason; Super Mannie, etc, etc), took the chance that this distance in their feelings happened during the 03/11 Japan tsunamis and declared that it was due to her patriotism that caused her to get a divorce.

All these would have been okay IF the Return Road PV didn't happen. IMO, the choice of the obvious hints in that PV just screams "LEMME SQUEEZE MANNIE DRY FOR THE LAST TIME".

It's like all right Ayu, you don't like Mannie taking the chance of your network to release a provocative project in Japan, yet you used him (as in your divorce) as a foil to boost your image in Japan, and also taking the chance of this separation to create a theme for an album (Party Queen) and a PV (Return Road)?

I'm sorry but Ayu is still human and I felt from this perspective she really also did something wrong.

Case 2: Maro

When I first saw Maro's face shoved into my face when I watched the You & Me PV, I thought okay maybe it's fine since it was Shu-Ya in the past.

Then the "again" covers came out with 1/2 of Maro's face and her announcement that they're together just made me went

"WHAT AGAIN?!"

It was as if she didn't learn ANYTHING from her past relationship... I wondered what gave her the confidence to shove her new boyfriend's face into another part of her portfolio... "again".

Then I thought, mmm Ayu is a smart lady. She is very shrewd. Looking at the choice of word for that mini-album, "again", and how she's seemingly doing the same things to Maro as to Mannie, it's almost like she's trying to prove a point that the same old thing is gonna happen again.

And yup it did. Why? Because Maro turned out to be a douchebag, perhaps worse than Mannie but obviously in Ayu's POV both of them were horrid enough for her to call it off.

And I feel that, she probably already knew about Maro's shady past, so why be together with someone who has so much baggage that he himself can't even settle?

Then I related to an experience, that after a breakup/divorce, she was probably lonely, and hell yeah maybe Tim can be her BFF and "Shake It" with her but she ain't getting his D. And she needs that sort of companionship.

At her most vulnerable moment, I think she fell for the "bad boy". God knows what vile promises came out from Maro's mouth but I believe Ayu was stupid enough to fall for them.

And for that, I think she's at fault too. Because you can't stop Maro from being a douchebag, but Ayu can stop herself from making the wrong choice and she didn't.

BUT, one improvement she has made is that there hasn't been any apparent "Return Road" kinda tribute to Maro after their breakup, which also means she knew and regretted doing that song. I mean it wasn't even included in the DVD for the concert.

My point is, I've been reading around the forums during the end of the Mannie and Maro eras, and how almost everyone flew to Ayu's defense, saying she was hurt badly blah blah blah but Ayu is not a lamb or a rabbit. She's a 35 year old woman and I know and believe that she is more than capable of knowing what is right and what is wrong.

It takes 2 hands to clap, and a relationship doesn't happen just because one person wants it to. I definitely wouldn't condemn her for making the wrong decisions but I still feel she's to be blamed to a certain extent for her messed up 2 years.

And I think that's what I love... AND hate about Ayu at the same time. She's so smart and rational, yet you throw something personal in and she loses it. Look at her portfolio post Secret and you will know that she has begun to indulge in people she feels comfortable with (Kazuya Shimomura, Leslie Kee, Timothy Phillip Wellard, many many more) and deep down,

I think she's afraid.

Afraid that she wouldn't have any friends like back then in 1998. Afraid that being too professional would harm her friendships.

Nothing wrong with that, it's a very humane thing. But I do beseech Ayu to realize that

Ayu the artiste and ayumi hamasaki the person are same but different at the same time.

I still love her so much and she continues to inspire me with her resilience but I think she has a really stupid brain when it comes to relationships (well she's a Libra, can't blame her...) and I wish her next BF to NOT be a douchebag who only wants her fame or whatever because this is a woman who grew up without a father and with a broken family. Enough hurt has been done, and she needs and deserves a real kind of love. The kind she's been singing about since "poker face".

Thank you.