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The album is definitely a story, but I don't think it's quite as linear as what you've put there, Andrenekoi... The album is a journey of self-esteem that involves a LOT of looking back and introspection.
You know how in psychology they say "you have to admit to yourself that you have a problem"? I think that's what the first three tracks are doing. On the surface they have very basic, fun lyrics and melodies but she has these scattered moments of darkness that make it clear what's brewing under the surface.
1. On Facebook, Timmy was frustratedly posting things like "Do you guys even know what a party queen IS??" For those unfamiliar, a party queen is the one who brings all the drugs and booze to a party and is the life of the proceedings, but who ultimately self-destructs because their low self-esteem makes them abuse the substances they're so known for furnishing. Ayu had posted on TA about her drinking often, and once addressed TA about it, saying "I know you all worry I drink too much, I'll be careful, I promise" (At some point I'll go through old TA messages and find it to cite it). She had a mini-fridge just for beer at one point. The woman drank too much - she probably wasn't a full blown alcoholic but it was enough that she didn't feel good about doing it. With lyrics like "Everything around me is rosy, but like magic I'd rather be hypnotized by these gold bubbles (champagne or beer)" you can tell she doesn't even know WHAT she's escaping by drinking anymore.
2. NaNaNa tells us, with its sound, what 1025 means. On October 25 2007, Aneki died of a suicide, that one is obvious; But also, on October 25, 2011, Keiko of globe suffered a subarachnoid hemorrhage (the same thing that killed hide of X-Japan) and luckily survived and has been recovering since. On the anniversary of her best friend's death, Ayu almost lost someone else. NaNaNa sounds like a globe song, with Timmy imitating Marc Panther by deepening his voice so much that when the album first came out, fans thought it was Marc. The techno-dance sound of it is very globesque as well, and the lyrics are all about partying because you only live once. The lyrics make mention of life being short and having fun with your friends being the most important thing, but due to the siren sound effects and ticking clock sounds, it sounds very very dark. You party because life is short, and life is made shorter because you party.
3. Shake It <3 addresses ayu's low self-esteem and body image head on, and I can't help but wonder if her obsession with working out & taking care of her body comes as much from a place of insecurity as it does from a place of wanting to be healthy. Ayu has been subject to audience gaze since she was very, very young; she clearly lost weight between her aidoru and avex eras. And at her age, being still unmarried is going to make you panic about your attractiveness. So in the bridge when she sings "Don't tell me that girl is more loved than I am; I already know" in the middle of a whole "Aren't girls awesome??" statement, you can tell that as much as she adores being a girl, she still feels like something of an outsider among them.
Those three tracks set the stage for the rest of the album, as they basically are ayu saying "Yaaayyy things are awesome and fun.... but actually they're really, really not."
5. call is what we all think to ourselves when we think we were in love but it doesn't work out. This is the kind of song we'd probably write much earlier on, but Ayu was in one relationship for 7 of what are often very formative years in our exploration of what we want out of our relationships. We really do feel like we're in love every single time, so when people say "It wasn't REAL LOVE" we feel like slapping them. All we know is that it felt nice. So if it isn't love, what is it? And do we even want to know? If it really was love, you end up feeling like dirt because now you've lost something you might never get back; if it wasn't, you feel foolish for being so stupid.
6. Letter - Knowing what I know about Ayu, I always considered this to be a letter from someone else TO ayu, from the sound of it, a former colleague or old friend. (I think "tell me why" is intended to be from someone else to ayu as well, but more on that later.) This is clearly someone she shares good memories with and whose judgment she trusts, or maybe this is something she just WISHES someone would say to her. The letter is both cynical and warm - something that acknowledges how hard it is to get something amazing, but at the same time these words are the kind of thing you'd cherish hearing from someone who cares. I think the underlying idea behind this song is appreciating what companions you have, and appreciating not having to sacrifice who you are in order to have them.
7. Something about "reminds me" makes me think there's trauma in Ayu's past we don't yet know about. This doesn't sound like it's about her father, it sounds far angrier. Sexual abuse during her aidoru days, perhaps, given her insistence on not talking about that entire part of her life. That's conjecture on my part of course, but it's probably worth thinking about. Her insistence on using the word "forget" over and over in the chorus, not only that but mostly using the -te form (used for both linking phrases together and for commands & requests) almost sounds like she's trying to hypnotize herself into forgetting, like she's shutting her eyes & ears, and telling herself "forget, forget, forget" while simultaneously reminding herself and her listeners that these pains are part of who we are, and we have to carry those scars with us. The song could be applicable to all sorts of traumas and it's both encouraging and upsetting - the key change between the two "la la la" segments supports that idea, that it's mournful in the first part but the second part is optimistic that maybe she (and we) will be able to cope eventually. In any case, I do think this ties into the theme of self-esteem running through the album, and like "Letter" is a moment where Ayu seems to be going from feeling damaged to feeling empowered.
8. Return Road is a continuation of "call" that seems more mature and more grounded in reality. This is where the real introspection comes in, where "call" felt more like her yelling at the naysayers around her. Return Road is her acknowledgment that it was nice, but it ended, and the reasons why are between them; It's also her hope that she can still find love eventually, and her hope that he can still find love eventually too. In this song she's grown beyond needing outside approval or understanding regarding this very personal thing. She's definitely an adult here, where in "call" she was acting like a reactive, angry teenager, and she knows that.
9. Tell me why is one of the more outwardly obvious songs on the album, conceptually. Whoever is talking to Ayu in this song is upset that she's "going against her sad eyes and showing a delighted face," "pretending to be strong," etc. This person wants her to be honest, and "say the things that can't be conveyed through a TV screen." Ayu does have a tendency to put on a brave face and say she has things under control, and she's always taken it upon herself when the Hamasaki Ayumi product fails in some way - which HAS to damage her sense of self. This song is, again, a friend counseling her through that and trying to get her to stop.
10. Ayu's choice to do "the next LOVE" and "Eyes, Smoke, Magic" in a jazzy stage musical style is intriguing. The obvious reference to the stage aside, it makes you wonder how much of it to take literally and how much to treat as a fiction. I think the next LOVE is the only one of the two you can take literally... In this song "Mama" may very well be Mariko. She's made reference in the past about believing in invisible things being nice - now she's mourning her inability to do that anymore. Already on the album we've seen the growth & maturity apparent in the difference between "call" and "Return Road," and now with THIS track she's wondering if growing up necessarily means cynicism and unhappiness. And with the line "How much does [love] sell for? Hey, where did you girls buy yours?" we kind of understand why she suddenly went glam in so many ways after her relationship with Tomoya Nagase ended - which, looking back, was about when the shift into hime-gyaru/glam style started. She started filling that emptiness in with "stuff." This song is more smoky jazz club style though, not QUITE that stagey...
12. Eyes, Smoke, Magic is more of a stage performance. The sound effects are distractingly obvious in the arrangement as though adding artificiality to the whole thing, and while that was probably deliberate it's not especially aurally pleasant. Anyway, this one is more of a performance... Papa and Mama in this song are probably based on Ayu's literal parents separating, however her memories of them together would be FULL of blanks that she's using herself & Mannie to fill in. She's now looking at her parents, and looking at her own marriage, and wondering what lessons she learned about how marriage is supposed to work. The bridge can be interpreted two different ways, and I think that was done deliberately with Ayu singing and then Timmy singing an echo of the same line: "Yes, my best friends are diamonds & roses" sounds like close friends are worth as much as jewels and fine flowers... "Yes, my best friends are the diamond and the rose" makes it sound like jewelry and roses are Ayu's only constant, reliable companions who always make her feel better. Again, some light is shined on Ayu's choice to be glam, and as the album has progressed, Ayu has addressed that issue head-on in an attempt to rebuild her self-confidence.
14. how beautiful you are is Ayu cheering herself on as much as she's cheering the listener on. In the video she walks into the same wind as everyone else, making it clear that she has no idea how beautiful she is, and she needs to remind herself of that. The verses of the song are sung to a friend who was there for her; the chorus is sung to herself, or from the POV of said friend. It's a duet with herself.
But yeah, the whole album is Ayu acknowledging her issues, facing her feelings about her relationships and professional life and drinking head-on, and ending the album with a true attempt to believe in herself.
God I love this album so much.
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