[Uknow!]

Her way of thinking about her health changed as well.

"It's frustrating when you can't do something because your body can't handle it. That's why I take good care of my mental and physical health. In the past I didn't even have the time to take care of myself at even the basic level. But now I enjoy learning how to do so. I think the way I train my body is different from how women in Japan do it nowadays (laughs). I think my partner influences me too. We often talk about what's healthy. Things like: if you do this, you will get these symptoms. He'll hand me the right supplements ("Here, drink this") when I'm missing certain nutrients (laughs). He's a muscle freak so he'll gripe about my workouts or diets being wrong (laughs). And, above all, you gain muscles differently as you grow older. I liked the body I had in my twenties, but I don't want to get that body back. I'd simply end up looking scrawny and won't look like I did back then. I have to do the right workouts for thirties body and I have to get the right muscles to fight back against gravity! (laughs)

In the past, I would force myself not to eat anything and I'd be hungry every day. That's how I lost weight. As "Ayumi Hamasaki" I wanted to look like that. By unspoken agreement, it was normal for me to be skinny. I felt I had to be skin and bones. That's why I ate as little as I could. I thought that was cool. I'd have conversations like, "Is that all you're eating?" "You're full with just that amount, huh~" "How nice~" It sounds scary to me now. If I'd do that now, my skin and hair would get ruined and I wouldn't feel happy. It's not good at all.

In order to become a true healthy beauty, I have to plan properly. People can choose different lifestyles: what to eat, how to spend your time, how to train your body. We can decide this ourselves. Deciding what you're living for will change your lifestyle and the way you spend your time. You'll be able to distribute things in a way suitable to you. Being able to clearly think "I want to do this" rather than thinking "I don't know what to do" is one road to happiness for me. In my twenties I was always running head over heels. Having gained experience, I've gained more options. I can choose with my eye on the end result but also enjoy the process. Now, I've become able to choose properly with who I want to spend my time, how I want to spend my time and what makes me feel fulfilled.

Right now, the sense of distance between my work and my partner and friends feels just right. In my twenties I'd think about work 24/7, I wouldn't eat what I want, I was always tired and irritated, and at the same time depend on my boyfriend too much. I'm like a completely different person now. I'm happy I became a proper adult."

Thanks to tenshi no hane. Link to the interview