I think having this conversation the past few days has made me realize how much of a connection I've lost with Ayu. I mean, I still respect her very much, she works very hard, she never quits, she's always trying, and there's been so many times her songs have encouraged me to keep going, to go for my dreams rather than just live life. Etc.... But, personally, I've lost that--hmm? i'm not even sure how to put it--that
something that made me just head-over-heels for her. I think nowadays I only see the 'diva' aspect of her with the over-the-top concerts, the k-drama-type-of-acting during her performances (I freaking loved Mad World until I saw her perform it. The fake crying...
) even just regular pictures she takes for instagram nowadays seem so... fake? Poised? I don't know. It's just such a turn off for me now. Which only hurts me because Ayu and her music has been such a big part of my life. She's influenced me in so many ways. Honestly, I would not be even attempting to be going for my dreams if I hadn't had Ayu sincerely and honestly telling me that I can do it. I even have some of her lyrics on my wall as a daily influence. (As cheesy and cliche as it sounds, its true.)
I know it sounds like I'm hating on Ayu, but I swear I'm not. Or at least that's not my intention. I've just grown older and so has she and as a fan and an artist we just don't connect as well anymore. Which is something that I'm surprised took 12-13 years to happen. All the other artist I listened to back then, I don't. Of course, I'm still a fan and I'll always root for her but right now I lean so much more towards Utada's laid back type of personality. I connect more with her as a person, which makes me connect more with as an artist. I love the idea of a celebrity just being a normal person who happens to be a great musician. It's just something I'm pulled towards. I guess that's why I'm so opinionated in this subject.
But you're totally right, it is an exhausting topic and to be quite fair it all boils down to something personal. You connect more to Ayu, I connect more to Utada. There's reasoning behind it but that doesn't mean there's a wrong or a right.
it's just how it is.