Why Ayu might have finally sung "ever free"

[CatGirl]

As some of you may know, I absolutely LOVE ever free. It's my favorite song by Ayu and I was way too excited in the Discord chat when I heard that she FINALLY performed it, lol. And from what I heard from the recording, her performance of it was excellent.

But I've been thinking about it a little bit, and I'm worried that there may be a deeper meaning to why she performed it.

Ayu announced last year that she was now going deaf in her right ear, and that it'll only be a matter of time until she's completely deaf. In addition, her tours from the past year have seem very rushed and almost haphazardly put together. Not only that, but this is the longest stretch we've ever had without a new album from her.

Why do I bring this up? ever free is a song about endings and death. Moreso than some of her other songs, it expresses finality, along with the acceptance of that finality.

For reference, these are the last two choruses: "How far away will you go?
Is it so far away that you can never come back?

I want to see you but I can't; at least you could tell me.
I won't forget any of the final tears you gave me."

Not to mention the fact that when the HAL's mix of ever free was used for an interlude video in Concert Tour 2000, it was literally a funeral in front of Ayu's casket.

Honestly, I'm wondering if she performed it because she knows she doesn't have much time left, and maybe ever free expresses her feelings about the tragic health situation she's in. Either that, or she wanted to finally perform this fan favorite before she could no longer do it. It makes me wonder just HOW much time she has left - could it be a year or less?

What does everyone else think? I'd really like to hear your interpretations (and I also kind of hope I'm wrong, lol).

[DonkeyKongRemix]

When she performed Kanariya, I knew it was only a matter of time before she would sing ever free. So happy I was right. <3

Seriously, though, it does make me wonder. Her whole setlist this time looks really specific and thought out, IMO. A couple of the songs, ever free more specifically, did make me wonder about the status of her career. However, she did do Next Level, too, which could be a more optimistic sign???

[Andrenekoi]

The journel from dark to light is a recurrent theme of her touring setlists, and during her 10 anniversary she did sing some of her darker songs that weren't performed before like POWDER SNOW.

Considering her health status, I wouldn't disregard your impressions, but at the same time, she does seens to get on a darker mood during anniversaries.

[Sky High]

I don't think that death means ending in this case, maybe death to old Ayu, Ayu that we know. It may also represent beginning of something new (just a beginning tour). Maybe new era in her career, different approach to music, setting priorities to her health. It could also mean that we will not have album every year.

[hud]

I guess she's doing what fans ask for. I bet she probably knows people wanted her to sing kanariya and ever free live, and since she's getting at a milestone on her career reaching 20 years in the business, she should do something to "wow" us and to celebrate.

but I can't discard your observations and it would be very plausible if she did it for the reasons you mentioned.

[Katsuyuki012]

^agreed

[junshen]

Anyway she's mentioned about moving forward to her 25th anniversary during the party from the tour report.

She will be with us for the time being I guess..

[rainbow_smile]

Isn't ever free about her grandmother? And iirc her grandmother died when Ayu was recording her first single, poker face... So technically it's been ~20 years since her grandmother's death too? That could've been the reason why she finally decided to sing it...

Or because she wanted to do something special for her 20th anniversary, and fans have wanted her to sing ever free for ages