TA Blog: 春よ、来い。| Haru yo koi

[tokyoxjapanxfan]

Personally, I think her essentially taking things on all by herself for the past decade could have really done a lot for her mental health.

When Max was involved with her releases, I truly believe he had a huge influence on what she did and didn’t do. That and the team that he would have brought to the table.

I do think that when his finesse of her releases was pulled back is when her release pattern and quality really started to get... iffy.

That’s not to say that she -can’t- do it by herself, but it’s certainly more mentally draining. Plus, failure (whether perceived or real) reflects directly back at you, so then it all becomes very personal.

In any case, I do hope she feels inspired again. If anything, I want her to know who she is. She’s a legend, no matter what.

[BlackSilence]

Originally Posted by Chibi-Chan

^^
So yes, she talks about how she was not putting her everything into her work during the last few years. And honestly, I respect her a lot for saying this. She is not perfect and her work neither. If she had some years when her priorities shifted and she felt "having fun" was more important, that's fine. She indirectly says that having fun with her work was more important to her for some time than the dedication for the entire outcome of a project like she used to have in the past. But working on a song that important brought back for her how it felt to dedicate herself to her work and that this is Hamasaki Ayumi and she needs to return to that Ayu and won't stop. It's a very brave thing to admit that and if anything, I love her even more for this.

Originally Posted by koumori

I want to say that regardless of how you interpret her words, it's still okay to be a fan of the work she has done in the last few years. Those are moments that she was having fun with, or expressing herself in the most honest way she could, finding those moments of freedom and happiness in what has seemed to be a long time of strife and hardship personally behind the scenes. I don't look at the long gap between music releases and think she was just having fun, I see it as Ayu struggling to connect with "Ayumi Hamasaki", and the few pieces of music we have had (in comparison to her typical release schedule) are even more remarkable to me in retrospect, in acknowledging how hard it has likely been to write and record things in that sort of headspace.

It doesn't mean I don't agree that there was definitely a shift... but she's human. I don't think she could help it. She needed this time to do whatever she needed to do.

For anyone who has been just as much a fan for years (whether you were enjoying all of her output or not), you have still been supporting the same Ayu. Here it is Ayu finding that she has refound a spark that she had lost, but it doesn't mean her recent work is any less special. It was just Ayu coping in a different way and this marks a new era.

That's my interpretation, and I'm sure there will be many more that people will have. Everyone here is such an invested fan that they come back after all these years, and still care for her well-being most of all. Let's try to remember that even if we may have different opinions on her work, past or present.

Having fun with your work is perfectly fine, and NECESSARY. If you no longer enjoy what you're doing, then what's the point in it? Artists need to have that option to just be carefree every once in a while and just blow the steam off. I am all for her enjoying it and not taking it seriously all the time. She has all the right to do it. I, as a fan, can totally skip releases if i don't enjoy them, that's what i did with Colours, it's really not that big of a deal, for me personally. It's awesome how so many different people can find bits and pieces to enjoy in her discography. That is the beauty of it, bringing different tastes together. And it's all done by one person. How cool is that?

The only thing i wish is for people here to stop calling everything that's not to their agreement "toxic". We are allowed to dislike something just as much as people are allowed to like something and state that. It's really not that hard to grasp that.

At the end of the day we cling to different things that Ayu has done, and it's awesome. It means she's a rather diverse artist that has a bit of everything, rather than being a one trick pony. It means that more people can enjoy her stuff and the experience.

[koumori]

Originally Posted by BlackSilence

Having fun with your work is perfectly fine, and NECESSARY. If you no longer enjoy what you're doing, then what's the point in it?

Exactly

[voltron]

Originally Posted by tokyoxjapanxfan

When Max was involved with her releases, I truly believe he had a huge influence on what she did and didn’t do. That and the team that he would have brought to the table.

I do think that when his finesse of her releases was pulled back is when her release pattern and quality really started to get... iffy.

That’s not to say that she -can’t- do it by herself, but it’s certainly more mentally draining.

I see it a little bit differently myself, though I do agree that I think Max was a stabilizing energy for her. If you watch her very early in her career she DID handle everything herself. She had very strong opinions and was actively involved in every part of her artistry. Check out the first NTV interview and you see her doing her own make-up, cutting up the pictures to make the Ayu-mi-x album art, etc. If anything, she was keenly aware of what she wanted the Ayumi Hamasaki brand to be.

It was later when she started handing off responsibility that things changed. She has said multiple times over the years that she got to a point that she was able to trust others who she deemed experts or skilled in an area, and let them guide things. This may have been a good thing at first, but it has also perhaps led to some stagnation at times because she tends to rely on the same people for everything instead of pushing boundaries.

I also think that, at her heart, Ayu is a rebel. So her changing release patterns, etc. is because she hates to do something just because it is expected of her. When she was no longer AVEX's main income source and had some more say in what she did, she pushed back hard.

[Andrenekoi]

Originally Posted by voltron

I see it a little bit differently myself, though I do agree that I think Max was a stabilizing energy for her. If you watch her very early in her career she DID handle everything herself. She had very strong opinions and was actively involved in every part of her artistry. Check out the first NTV interview and you see her doing her own make-up, cutting up the pictures to make the Ayu-mi-x album art, etc. If anything, she was keenly aware of what she wanted the Ayumi Hamasaki brand to be.

It was later when she started handing off responsibility that things changed. She has said multiple times over the years that she got to a point that she was able to trust others who she deemed experts or skilled in an area, and let them guide things. This may have been a good thing at first, but it has also perhaps led to some stagnation at times because she tends to rely on the same people for everything instead of pushing boundaries.

I also think that, at her heart, Ayu is a rebel. So her changing release patterns, etc. is because she hates to do something just because it is expected of her. When she was no longer AVEX's main income source and had some more say in what she did, she pushed back hard.

I strongly agree with that final part. About pushing boundaries, I think it's more complicated. A lot of the works she actually did push boundaries were actually very poorly received, like Bold & Delicious, Party Queen or Colours. In the end of the day, a good part of her fandom says they want her to do creative stuff, but they actually want her to release yet another take on the stuff she is always doing.

The rebel appears again everytime she shoves on her public face exactly the stuff they complained the most about, like Bold & Delicious, Shake it, Lelio and XOXO becoming concert staples.

[maxikot]

Thank you so much remove-mom for your time on translating the post. It's so well-done.

[Earth_maiden]

I thought the TA posts weren't shared anymore because TA went global and the cost went down, plus we get English entries anyway now.

[koumori]

Originally Posted by Earth_maiden

I thought the TA posts weren't shared anymore because TA went global and the cost went down, plus we get English entries anyway now.

I've replied to a similar post on an earlier page, but it was never a moderator stance that people weren't allowed to post TA blogs here. The community decided that for themselves. Personally I think this entire forum is an extension of TA as we still have people in countries where the price of TA is still too expensive with the currency conversion rates, or younger members who can't afford it either way, and especially for statements like this they deserve to know Ayu's words as much as anyone else.

As for the EN versions of the blogs, sometimes they're super late or not a properly accurate translation, so I still appreciate fan translations the most for blogs like this one.

[tenshi no hane]

Interesting, especially the last bit, because it can be interpreted in so many ways.

Although it makes me a bit sad I don't really like her current voice that much anymore even though she is obviously putting so much effort into the whole thing. But I haven't heard the full song yet, of course.

Thanks for posting, koumori!

[maxikot]

Yumi is an outstanding artist. I highly recommend checking out her Time Machine tour. Such a great show filled with beautiful music.

[Katsuyuki012]

^It also features this gorgeous performance of Haru Yo, Koi.

[hidekirby]

Thank you very much Koumori and remove-mom for sharing this!
I really hope she will find the right balance for her. The perfect recipe.

I don't see any changes with A BALLADS 2 (or Haru Yo Koi will be something else). Maybe next time. Or it may even never shows in her work.
I'm still not hoping for anything more than we've been having for the last few years. I've been disappointed so many times. My dream would be more quality on several levels. Just hard work and creativity on arrangements could do WONDERS.

Let's see what the future holds. Just hope she will be more at peace with her career.

[Deep snow]

Originally Posted by Andrenekoi

Here it's a live performance from Yuming herself. It totally feels like something Ayu would do.

thank you so much for sharing this link to her performance. I just saw it and completely agreed. the round stage, the pageantry, the dignity with which she sings this, it's the things ayu could pull off with her rendition of the song, as well. can't wait to fall in love with ayu's version of this!

Originally Posted by AJFmzk

Trying to force creativity is very draining, emotionally speaking. Trying to put into words or song or music your inner feeling when the creativity just isn’t flowing is so frustrating and exhausting. It’s a hard thing for an artist to feel as though they’ve “lost it” but still trying to create. I really loved オヒアの木 because it felt like she had some of her old inspiration back with her son, and she crafted a song for him that you can really feel her love.

I honestly had never thought about it that way until I read this. you made me understand why her recent work feels the way it is. I hope ayu gets to rekindle much of her creative force back again

Originally Posted by BlackSilence

The only thing i wish is for people here to stop calling everything that's not to their agreement "toxic". We are allowed to dislike something just as much as people are allowed to like something and state that. It's really not that hard to grasp that.

amen to this so much.

[AJFmzk]

Originally Posted by Deep snow

I honestly had never thought about it that way until I read this. you made me understand why her recent work feels the way it is. I hope ayu gets to rekindle much of her creative force back again

I’m glad I was able to help explain. I can’t speak for Ayu, only for myself, but trying to force creativity somehow expends more energy than when it’s flowing easy. When things are flowing easy, there’s usually such a feeling of excitement that you can forget even to eat or drink and you just don’t want to stop because if you stop you risk losing your flow of creativity. However, when you’re trying to force things it’s much harder, things aren’t coming, it’s not feeling right and you’re just dissatisfied with how it’s going, you’re sad and disappointed in yourself which on one hand makes you work harder but also increases stress and feeling of dissatisfaction with your work if it doesn’t feel right right away. Of course, I can’t speak for Ayu only for myself, but I certainly can see her feeling this way if she wasn’t connecting to her flow of creativity the way she used to.

[Andrenekoi]

Originally Posted by AJFmzk

I’m glad I was able to help explain. I can’t speak for Ayu, only for myself, but trying to force creativity somehow expends more energy than when it’s flowing easy. When things are flowing easy, there’s usually such a feeling of excitement that you can forget even to eat or drink and you just don’t want to stop because if you stop you risk losing your flow of creativity. However, when you’re trying to force things it’s much harder, things aren’t coming, it’s not feeling right and you’re just dissatisfied with how it’s going, you’re sad and disappointed in yourself which on one hand makes you work harder but also increases stress and feeling of dissatisfaction with your work if it doesn’t feel right right away. Of course, I can’t speak for Ayu only for myself, but I certainly can see her feeling this way if she wasn’t connecting to her flow of creativity the way she used to.

And it was probably even harder for her who actually could produce way more than the average artist in a very short time spam.

[AJFmzk]

Originally Posted by Andrenekoi

And it was probably even harder for her who actually could produce way more than the average artist in a very short time spam.

Yep. She was (and still is I think) a force to be reckoned with, even when she’s not at 100%. I’m always so inspired and amazed by how much output she had in her first few years, and she slowed down to “only” one album and 3 tours a year (Arena, A nation, CDL, sometimes more) plus tv appearances.

[Lyssayu]

thank you for the updated translation - really gives me the chills reading it again!

[truehappiness]

She did so much for so long, it's only natural for her to have been running in fumes alongside other issues going on. It's nice to see she realized some stuff was going on. I enjoyed her work up till the last album/EP so it just goes to show how powerful she is still even when she may not be at 100%.

[oaristos]

Thank you for posting! I got very emotional reading this, especially this part:

There's no way I can stop here. I need to see it through, to give Ayumi Hamasaki back to Ayumi Hamasaki.

I think this is what most of us have been thinking for almost a decade now. I'll always love Ayu, but there have times in which I thought "is she tired? Maybe she ran out of ideas?", which is perfectly normal because there's no way a person wouldn't change in more than 20 years...

But reading that Ayu is discovering herself again gives me so much hope. She's an incredible artist and I'm sure there's still so much more for her to tell us through her art.

[love in music]

I really love how honest this post is from her. It's beautiful to see that she is excited about her work and putting so much of herself into it, and also beautiful that she is coming to certain realizations about herself.

So much respect for her.