A Song for Who?

[ALfromHELLSING]

I didn't know info about some of these songs. Thanks~
I also think Secret might be dedicated to her father or maybe Tomoya. If not for them then definitely to somebody else.

[truehappiness]

And I had a crazy theory abou "July 1s" being abou her father's dead or sth (HEY!, I don't know if her father is dead, but I think so because of memorial address)

In memorial address we all know she's talking about her father. I think about "dead" because of "the eternal parting" ayu is talking about. And then "I will never forget that first day of summer" = July 1st? Then, look at memorial address booklet, where ayu has a mirror with a 0630 written with lipstick. That's 30th of June, 1 day before July 1st.

And then we go to July 1st and...: "If it's fine tomorrow, I will go to see you" She is talking from 30/06 about tomorrow 01/07, to go to that sea: "If it's fine tomorrow, I will go to that sea", maybe the place of one of Ayu's few memories about her father, going fishing in Fukuoka to the pier? I think she's forgiving her father with July 1st, "Changing the pain with the tears shed yesterday Into tenderness".

She has mentioned in the past that July 1st is when she'd meet a ton of friends or something and party her heart out after work, but it is possible.. maybe?

There are two usual summer events to me. One is the party held every year on June 30, the birthday of the owner of this bar (in Tokyo), when many old friends of mine I can't usually see gather here. To me, that is the one and only unhealthy night of the year, from June 30 to July 1st. (Laugh) ...(omission) ... And the other is the event of watching fireworks after gathering at the shop of my acquaintance near the sea in August every year ... 　　("Zappy" Aug. 2002)

[gallowsCalibrator]

Originally Posted by walking.proud

For what I understood in her messages she did Life for bacchi. Me, at the moment "life" was released, I thought it was a second part of untitled because it repeated some lines.. but with a positive feeling... and we didn't know about Bacchi so everyone thought of untitled and the same friend...

And for me... Teddy Bear is for her mother... she talks about a person who isn't with her all time, and how there's a "teddy bear" in her place: You weren't always there for me, but we could laugh together at funny stories. she has also said that she doesn't see her mother as a mother... but not sure

And I had a crazy theory abou "July 1s" being abou her father's dead or sth (HEY!, I don't know if her father is dead, but I think so because of memorial address)

In memorial address we all know she's talking about her father. I think about "dead" because of "the eternal parting" ayu is talking about. And then "I will never forget that first day of summer" = July 1st? Then, look at memorial address booklet, where ayu has a mirror with a 0630 written with lipstick. That's 30th of June, 1 day before July 1st.

And then we go to July 1st and...: "If it's fine tomorrow, I will go to see you" She is talking from 30/06 about tomorrow 01/07, to go to that sea: "If it's fine tomorrow, I will go to that sea", maybe the place of one of Ayu's few memories about her father, going fishing in Fukuoka to the pier? I think she's forgiving her father with July 1st, "Changing the pain with the tears shed yesterday Into tenderness".

that's my theory... xd

This is a very clever theory! I like it!

[yuki_unmei]

Originally Posted by walking.proud

For what I understood in her messages she did Life for bacchi. Me, at the moment "life" was released, I thought it was a second part of untitled because it repeated some lines.. but with a positive feeling... and we didn't know about Bacchi so everyone thought of untitled and the same friend...

And for me... Teddy Bear is for her mother... she talks about a person who isn't with her all time, and how there's a "teddy bear" in her place: You weren't always there for me, but we could laugh together at funny stories. she has also said that she doesn't see her mother as a mother... but not sure

And I had a crazy theory abou "July 1s" being abou her father's dead or sth (HEY!, I don't know if her father is dead, but I think so because of memorial address)

In memorial address we all know she's talking about her father. I think about "dead" because of "the eternal parting" ayu is talking about. And then "I will never forget that first day of summer" = July 1st? Then, look at memorial address booklet, where ayu has a mirror with a 0630 written with lipstick. That's 30th of June, 1 day before July 1st.

And then we go to July 1st and...: "If it's fine tomorrow, I will go to see you" She is talking from 30/06 about tomorrow 01/07, to go to that sea: "If it's fine tomorrow, I will go to that sea", maybe the place of one of Ayu's few memories about her father, going fishing in Fukuoka to the pier? I think she's forgiving her father with July 1st, "Changing the pain with the tears shed yesterday Into tenderness".

that's my theory... xd

Wow you put alot of thought into that!
really makes sense!

[AyuWorld]

Originally Posted by walking.proud

For what I understood in her messages she did Life for bacchi. Me, at the moment "life" was released, I thought it was a second part of untitled because it repeated some lines.. but with a positive feeling... and we didn't know about Bacchi so everyone thought of untitled and the same friend...

And for me... Teddy Bear is for her mother... she talks about a person who isn't with her all time, and how there's a "teddy bear" in her place: You weren't always there for me, but we could laugh together at funny stories. she has also said that she doesn't see her mother as a mother... but not sure

And I had a crazy theory abou "July 1s" being abou her father's dead or sth (HEY!, I don't know if her father is dead, but I think so because of memorial address)

In memorial address we all know she's talking about her father. I think about "dead" because of "the eternal parting" ayu is talking about. And then "I will never forget that first day of summer" = July 1st? Then, look at memorial address booklet, where ayu has a mirror with a 0630 written with lipstick. That's 30th of June, 1 day before July 1st.

And then we go to July 1st and...: "If it's fine tomorrow, I will go to see you" She is talking from 30/06 about tomorrow 01/07, to go to that sea: "If it's fine tomorrow, I will go to that sea", maybe the place of one of Ayu's few memories about her father, going fishing in Fukuoka to the pier? I think she's forgiving her father with July 1st, "Changing the pain with the tears shed yesterday Into tenderness".

that's my theory... xd

i like your theory,it makes sense

just for the Memorial Address, for the first part :

I remember I went to sleep late that night feeling uneasy
And had a very sad dream
The phone started to ring in the morning, breaking the silence
And the premonition became a reality
Leaving an unfading scar on my heart
You became a star by yourself

maybe 0630 written on the mirror also means 6.30 am whe she got the call about the sad news.

the line that makes me quite sure this is about her father:

I wish I could have heard from you
That I had certainly been loved by you

because i think she really wants a father's love like other kids

PS: didnt she told in the 2004/2005 documentary that her grandma passed away in the morning she recorded Poker Face?

[AngelSenshi]

Having taken in a lot of what is written here, I really become more and more convinced that the entire Memorial Address mini-album was inspired by her father.

I think that at some point her dad came back into her life, possibly even with an illness, and was about to pass away when he got to know her.

Angel's Song deals a bit with loneliness at first, but then coming across the special person that really came in like a miracle, at the right time. Maybe at the time having a dad was like a new experience, and him coming back wasn't a bad thing to her because of it being new.

Greatful Days talks about great summer days, which would definitely make sense with her memory of being with him at that pier in her hometown. Even more if July 1st is linked to him. The sort of feeling that July 1st has, is rather similar to Greatful Days I think, not just because it's a summer song or anything but there's this feeling of it that matches.

Because of You was a song I always thought was inspired by her dad. By Because of You I think she wants a bit of an explanation. Maybe at this point she sort of realizes he might be ill, and after the great days she's had she's scared that she won't be able to go back to a time where she was strong without him.

My eyes met yours again, we talked a little
My heart throbbed and I hid my feelings behind a smile
As I was afraid I might not be able to go back to the times
When I had not known you

...
...

Please don't smile with such sorrowful eyes
As if you were about to be broken and disappear
What can I do, my dear?

Ourselves really tells about how much someone knows about a person, that there'll always be a little bit we keep to ourselves, but always a little bit we show. Maybe with her dad there was a part of her she allowed herself to show easily.

Then we've got Hanabi~Episode II~. As far as I can remember, in an interview she had said that the reason she brought up Hanabi again, and the slightly similar melody, is because the feeling she suddenly had was very much alike to when she wrote the first Hanabi. They both are pretty sad but in their own way, but somewhat positive also.

With No Way to Say, everyone has had loads of thoughts that ring true with me about the PV. Even the song itself is pretty telling. I think amongst the things she thought she couldn't quite say, was that like she'd thought in Because of You, she couldn't bring herself to go back entirely to the time where she was strong alone. Once you live a life without your dad, you build this somewhat self reliance with yourself, once he might've come back it's like a lot of the strength you prided yourself on crumbled.

forgiveness right after it tells that eventually she'll get over it in a way. That the mistakes and fights are just things people do. Maybe that also despite the hardships she'll look forward to tomorrow, and won't give up, even if something is gone.

Memorial Address itself doesn't need an explanation. It's pretty self-explanatory at that point because the words are just so clear. Having lost something that you tried to keep close to you, even if it wasn't for a long time at all, it's still sad, and once it's gone you realize there really were a lot of things that you wished you'd asked.

The sorrow I had thought to be endless came to an end
The season has changed, I feel bitterly cold
I will never forget that first day of summer

Again the summer is brought up, so aside from just being a figure of speech, like a change in times and surroundings, it could be rather literal; the first day of summer obviously has some meaning to her.

I wish I could have heard from you
That you never regretted the days we had spent together
Only once, even if it had been a lie

Why did you do it this way
Leaving memories only to the very end?

I suppose it's not the first time one of us have heard the supposedly 'corny' story of a person realizing they're dying, and going back to try and fix their mistakes or come to terms with a lot of things. Could've been her dad did just that and obviously she's got to ask herself, why did he leave creating memories to the very end? Though I guess it's a question that doesn't clearly come up in the song, maybe she has to ask herself if he did it for his own piece of mind, or

I wish I could have heard from you
That I had certainly been loved by you

Also, I don't think she ever talked about the actual events because she felt Memorial Address as a mini album said everything needed to say. Even more her performances at the 2003-2004 live, especially the teddy bear/Memorial Address combination. Another reason could be was she truly was bothered by it in a way. At the beginning of her career she made a big show of not caring whether he was in her life or not, and maybe when he came back she realized she cared, which is why in No Way to Say she says

If I had not met you
I wouldn't even have such an embarrassing pain

[truehappiness]

Hm, just to add on to your Memorial address theory... here is the translated version of her track by track interview about the album, translated by Delirium-Zer0.

Can you give us your thoughts looking back on the past year? This year was as busy as ever, right? From March until the end of May, you had your first Fan Club Members-only Live House tour, "Limited TA Live." Then in July, you released the four-song maxi single "&." On August 30th, the single "forgiveness" and, starting in October, your 30th single release commemorative concert tour "A museum." Then the November release of "No way to say," and now in December you've released the "Memorial address" mini-album.

A: Yeah. But '03 went really smoothly, I think. I took on various challenges. Of all of them, the "A museum" tour I did in the fall is the biggest deal for me... After that was done, "No way to say" was created and then the Mini-album "Memorial address" was born.

"A museum" made use of the entire venue, with you teleporting between several stages, wearing a pure white wedding dress with a 50 meter veil trailing behind, the whole thing was really amazing. And 22 songs! Performing for two and a half hours!! It was really quite surprising.

A: I know, right? And performing "A museum" let me see all my supporting band members & dancers, who I'd worked with before, in a new light. It's hard to accurately describe it, but there was so much that came from putting on this concert, I think it had an immesurable influence on me. This concert, being called "A museum," was really huge for me personally.

This album, "Memorial address," comes in two versions, a CD-only (2100 yen) and a CD+DVD (3465 yen), and on the DVD there are PVs for all tracks excluding the bonus track, plus an "A museum" digest video.

A: Mm-hmm. If you watch the DVD I think you can get an idea of the overall feeling of "A museum."

At any rate, the CD+DVD is packaged in a nice 2-disc set. Can you give us some details of the PV and Live contents compiled on the DVD?

A: I've started to have an interest in film since the beginning of this year, watching the works of various directors proactively. Because of that, for this year's first release "&", I had new directors working on each of the three songs' videos. When the producers watched those works, they started saying things like "You should release a CD+DVD mini-album." So, having heard that input, I compiled the 7 PVs and the "A museum" digest, all shot in 2003, which all together took shape to reflect me, and I could feel the potential and appeal that the films from this year projected.

It became a work expressing the ways those films appealed to you personally.

A: And I want people to plant their bodies and watch it as closely as possible! This is something that moved ayu to really feel. I think whether you watch it alone or with alot of other people, experiencing it with both your eyes and ears is very different from only taking in the sounds.

Continuing on, can you tell us the theme of the album artwork?

A: The jacket's themes are "strength hidden inside" and "thoughts & feelings kept to oneself." Because I wanted to express this, the cover photo and inside photos are all "neither smiling nor crying, totally expressionless," and the colors are de-emphasized so it's mostly all gold.

When you get to the photo of you in green, you're posed rather like a doll or a puppet, which also reflects that feeling. Inside that doll, there is a heart that cries out in protest, but...

A: Yes. That's exactly how it looks.

Can you tell us a little about the contents of the mini-album itself? This time you had 5 songs released on singles, so there are three new songs put together here. Was the album originally intended to have 8 songs?

A: Eh, well... From the time I started this "mini-album" I was thinking about "what songs are good?" So when I finally decided on the 8 songs, there were 5 that happened to already be on singles plus 3 new songs. I think it turned into just conveying more than just the thoughts I had packed into those five songs.

The three new songs are "ANGEL'S SONG," whose main characteristic is its pop melody; "Because of you," which speaks of love feelings that you can't get rid of; and then also "Memorial address," which was recorded with your band. All good pieces of music. You chose "Memorial address" as the album's title track, but didn't publish the lyrics inside the booklet. Could you tell us the reasoning behind that?

A: When thinking about the fact that "this mini-album = myself this year", "Memorial address" contains things that had become fundamental to me. So I think using it as the title for the album was the right thing to do. But as far as the song is concerned, I didn't plan on explaining the various things going on inside me. I'd prefer if people listened first. I think if people listen to the song properly, they'll get a better idea of what I'm thinking in it. The lyrics aren't printed in there, so people have to listen to the song first, before having any information (any written characters to look at). This is because I wanted people to feel the song.

INTERVIEW: Kazuki Okabe

*Profile
Born October 2nd, 1978. Hometown is Fukuoka. Blood type A. Debut on April 8th, 1998 with "poker face." Since then, has released 31 singles and 19 albums (including remixes and best-ofs).

*New Release
Mini Album "Memorial address"
CD+DVD: AVCD-17410/B / '03.12.17 / 3465 yen (tax in)
CD Only: AVCD-17411 / '03.12.17 / 2100 yen (tax in)

01 "ANGEL'S SONG"
Music: Tetsuya Yukumi / Arrangement: HΛL
PV Director: Hideaki Sunaga
"ANGEL'S SONG"'s melody really gets at you. The version that came to me from the composer, Yukumi, had more of a rock taste, and more of a sad feeling, but HAL did the arrangement and it really became more of a "UPBEAT HAL!" sort of arrangement... So the song is much closer to what was inside me. The PV was directed by Sunaga, who also directed the "Greatful days" PV. I change into a wolf and fight a gang. But what I thought of in my head when I heard about the aforementioned change, and how it actually turned out, they were two very different things... I was quite surprised (bitter smile).

02 "Greatful days"
Music: BOUNCEBACK / Arrangement: HΛL
PV Director: Hideaki Sunaga
The subject matter in the lyrics is really very simple, maybe I didn't have alot I wanted to say? Actually, even though it's easy to listen to, there's probably alot I'm saying... That's the kind of thing I wanted to do, actually. The melody has this proactive feeling of "let's go this way!" But since the song is absurdly and excessively bright, you can't understand what sort of face I may be making in singing it (bitter smile). I was pretty much always smiling during recording. "We can be naughty because the summer gives us freedom" became the theme of the PV. It feels like, if "ourselves" is the nightmare, this is the good dream.

03 "Because of You"
Music: BOUNCEBACK / Arrangement: HΛL
PV Director: Kouki Tange
A friend of mine has someone they met who they got to really like. Things were nice between them for awhile, but then quickly dropped off. When I asked, "Do you think it would have been better if you'd never met?", that friend was able to reply with a sunny face, "I think it was good that we met, as far as I'm concerned, the moment we encountered each other was a happy one." That moment stuck with me very strongly, and "Because of You" was born from it. The dancers I usually work with on tour perform in the PV, but I suggested this to the director Mr. Tange. That's because when I did "A museum," I was really moved by the expressiveness I saw from them. That day, I saw the dancers on-set, and it sort of manipulated the atmosphere, and I think I understood what my goal was exactly. The "How do you do, friend?" atmosphere was something we had to not let out, but I think was visible in the final film.

04 "ourselves"
Music: BOUNCEBACK / Arrangement: CMJK
PV Director: Kouki Tange
A cool and incredibly pure song. Rather than "romantic passion," I'm singing about life itself, not just happiness. I have more than enough to fulfill myself, but honestly, there's still this sort of unending sadness. I wanted to write about such a feeling. As for the PV, I'm in very striking makeup & costume, and I'm thrown into an insane world where these scientists are tearing up my posters and there are eerie anti-fans. And they've put on these masks with my face. This video feels like, totally "Tange's World!"

05 "HANABI ~episode II~"
Music: CREA + D.A.I / Arrangement: tasuku
PV Director: Shuuichi Tan
"HANABI", released last summer on "H," ended with the lyric "I can't do anything about it," it seems. That's all well and good, but I thought I should give it a proper ending. Of the 7 PVs on the DVD, this is the only one shot on-location (Kujukuri Beach). From sunrise to sunset, we kept to the shooting schedule even in worrying weather. The gray and hazy sea in the background, rain sliding down the glass, tears falling, and in the middle of this lonely time I furiously play guitar. And then, the transient fireworks scatter. I think my sad faces and everything in this video all marks the end of summer so entirely.

06 "No way to say"
Music: BOUNCEBACK / Arrangement: HΛL
PV Director: Ukon Kamimura
I want to explain, but I can't explain well enough. The more I talk, the more a wall is built up, and the more words become obstructed. There have been times when I felt like I'm terrible and expressing myself when I talk. So when I was saying this to people, there was someone who said "everyone feels like that sometimes, right?" And those words were the reason I was able to create this song. I requested Kamimura, who directed "Real me," for the PV. Standing on a street corner, Santa is handing tissues to the people who are coming & going, but he gives me a different color of tissues from everyone else, and when we meet again there's a scene where he hands me a present in red wrapping. In this world today, we can communicate so many feelings and business details with email and other conveniences, but I think it's just so nice to hand-deliver a gift, that we put alot of thought into, to someone we care about. So I included a scene with that sort of feeling.

07 "forgiveness"
Music: BOUNCEBACK / Arrangement: HΛL
PV Director: Yoshiya Okoyama
Instead of raising and lowering my gaze unreasonably, I was thinking, whatever age someone is, whatever era of their life they're in, there are still so many younger children out there, and what do we all have in common? And I thought, "love." From the time we're babies until we're old grandpas & grannies, I realized, we always have "love." The title, "forgiveness," comes from an image of "feelings of wishing," "feelings of repentance," and "feelings of solemnity." In Japanese, we have words like "yurusu (permission)" and "kandai na (leniency/tolerance)," but for this song I think "kandai na" is the closest to what I mean. The PV is very busy with CG, and the director Okoyama would say things like "Okay, so I think such-and-such a thing is gonna go here...", and there were a bunch of places where I would have to perform while imagining it. It was extremely difficult.

08 "Memorial address"
Music: Tetsuya Yukumi / Arrangement: tasuku
This is the title track, but also the bonus track, and the only one of the 8 tracks that was recorded in a band session. Originally I was going to record this song by myself in the studio, but during recording, there wasn't just me, the band and chorus were all around me. When I heard them playing I just wanted to sing, I think. Yo-chan's guitar, Enrique's bass, Shingo's piano. It calmed me down, the sound of all these people who've supported me. I think I really needed it. "Memorial address." In my mind, it's very special, and when I made it, it became important to me in the same way "teddy bear" (from "Duty") is.

[Ianieee]

Abit off topic. But Ayu never Sang "Life" Live has she?

I would think that song would be quite nice seeing it perform live

[majrakun]

She performed it once during an AT08 encore, it was never recorded or put on DVD though, I think we only knew about it from one of the fan reports.

Truehappiness, where do you find all these articles? They seem really interesting to read!

[truehappiness]

They are all here at AHS for the most part, haha.

[Ianieee]

Originally Posted by majrakun

She performed it once during an AT08 encore, it was never recorded or put on DVD though, I think we only knew about it from one of the fan reports.

Ahh.. Thankyou... Lol i remember the first time i listened to Life and i enjoyed it but i stopped listening to it until i read this thread haha... Now im just listening to it like almost all the time xD

I'm usually the type of person who could repeatly listen to the same songs over and over until i finally get bored of it xD~ but it comes back eventually

[Blasterion]

thanks truehappiness for putting up that article,
it was so nice reading it again ^^

[AngelSenshi]

I'm actually aware of that interview, which is definitely interesting to read again.

Especially for Because of You, I know she says the song was born from what her friend said but I had always thought about it like, isn't it often we talk to our friends about something worrying, and then they tell us a similar story of their own, but show us that their views of it are different? It's happened to me numerous times, and I've written about those sorts of things. It makes me think that maybe Ayu's friends reasoning helped Ayu bring what she wanted to say to words in that song.

[gallowsCalibrator]

I'm loving all of these theories....they make sense and are great! Thanks for sharing your ideas!

[sitara]

Originally Posted by truehappiness

Ah, I see. I do remember though that at the time she said that along with the mother thing...

She was pretty harsh to her mother in that interview, but... I guess it made sense seeing as how her mom was barely there when she was growing up.

that's what i have always wondered about ayu, how is her relationship to her mother? after reading masa's articles and interviews like this, i strongly had the feeling that she didn't really like her mother and hence didn't have much contact to her.
that and ayu calling Mika Noguchi (of peach john) "mama" seemed as she has replaced her real mother... although i don't know how serious is with that, but she seems much closer with her... but she seems much closer to her than to her real mom. how painful it must be if your daughter calls somebody else mother...

then again, ayu's real mom was recently more mentioned, in blogs and she watches over ayu's dogs and what not, so she seems to have more contact with her now. maybe she has forgiven her mother and they are closer again...


i am really interested if ayu really met her father at one point of her life... would be interesting, but i doubt we will ever know for sure. i don't know if memorial adress is really about her father, if so, i wonder if he really died?

/end rant

[zyoeru]

^ Well, she's mended her relationship with her mother I've heard..

[ストロボ・EdGE]

Originally Posted by zyoeru

Mirror(cle World) is probably a reflection of the time when she announced her hearing loss?

Woah is that true!? I'd always wondered what the lyrics meant but that makes total sense.

[AngelSenshi]

Originally Posted by zyoeru

^ Well, she's mended her relationship with her mother I've heard..

Yeah, she clearly has mended her relationship with her mom. A while back I even remember a little debate about whether her mom getting her own store was with or without Ayu's help.

By the sound of Ayu's blogs, things with her mom are going well. She speaks of her quite affectionately, at least.

[zyoeru]

Originally Posted by ストロボ・EdGE

Woah is that true!? I'd always wondered what the lyrics meant but that makes total sense.

Perhaps! I could be completely wrong though.

Originally Posted by AngelSenshi

Yeah, she clearly has mended her relationship with her mom. A while back I even remember a little debate about whether her mom getting her own store was with or without Ayu's help.

By the sound of Ayu's blogs, things with her mom are going well. She speaks of her quite affectionately, at least.

Yeah! I remember Ayu saying though that her mum was more of a friend to her.

[Andrenekoi]

I think MW is reflections about wtf should she do after her 10 years career... pretty much like Duty was about what should she do after her peak