[Translation] Ayumi on Cawaii! 2006 Sept Issue - Ayumi Hamasaki Sekai
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Old 23rd August 2006, 04:03 AM
isaac hiew's Avatar
isaac hiew isaac hiew is offline
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[Translation] Ayumi on Cawaii! 2006 Sept Issue

Ayumi Hamasaki: “The Relaxed Smile Underneath”

After the concert, how is Ayu doing? To fulfill the curiosity of “Cawaii!” readers, we asked Ayu and she said “OK”!! And here we go for her rare mega luxurious interview together with her concert costumes.

The concert tour, started since March 2006, has finally closed its curtains on second half of June at “Yoyogi 3 days Concert”. The costume shown at the cover pages of this magazine is one of the costumes featured during the concert. It was being wore inside of the bright red long robe which is decorated with blossomed roses. Of course this is its very first time being exposed on the magazine.


At this concert performance that has a total track list of 13 songs; Ayu has changed 8 sets of costumes, which is an eye candy for her audiences. Not only had herself, even her dancers’ costumes were very remarkably featured fashion that were specially designed. The linked movies on the stages, the sudden simulated rain drops on the illusion stage floor… and also the creatively-made costumes and choreographed-performances that make the fans’ eyes stay glued on her… she has completed one of the best entertainment show in Japan.

[I learned really a lot during these 7 years; at first I really know nothing]

During the interval MC of the concert, Ayu stated that, “I do not feel nervous because of upcoming live performances” her current displayed confidence were of a total contrast during her debut era, on those days, during the concerts with other artists, she was “I spent all my energy just by standing in front of the stage, I was shaking uncontrollably.”

“I still remember the time when I stood on the stage for the very first time, my first line of voice bounced back onto me” (laughs), I can’t really say that line again anymore, but it should be the shouting of “How are you, everyone~~~”, it should have a teenage girl kind of feeling, but little did I know, the “how are you” became “gow are you”!

I instantly froze, and the slowly built up atmosphere of the entire concert just totally fell down! It was such a blow to me (laughs). Although I couldn’t remember the contents of that concert, but because of the huge blow, I can only remember that I silently swore to myself that there will not be a second mistake anymore.

At that time Hiro (EXILE) was helping me out as a dancer too, he even gave some advice on my dancing, how memorable… Even if I wanted to watch that live concert again, in practice I would just stop the tape at the “how are you” time frame (laughs).

Before my debut, I did take part in velfarre’s events. I was thinking, “Can I really do it? Does everyone know me?” TRF did their performance on that day too. Before the start of the show, I actually decided to send my regards to them after I look at the schedule time, but I was so foolish that I mistakenly crossed into their resting room in the first place! I was like, “Oh god!” and thought that I mustn’t be noticed so “Zoom!”, I scoot away!(laughs). I was so nervous!

Comparing to seeing a lot of people from the stage, I am easier to get nervous when seeing my sempais (senior singers). Even now TRF will ask me, “Why do you always become nervous when you’re in front of us?” Until this very day, I can’t overcome that habit. Because they are the ones that were viewed by me on the television screen, they are always the ones that being respected. I just can’t outperform them in any case, because I didn’t exist during that time.

Therefore when I am in front of those who had walked through the history, I will respect them and feel nervous. Whether I am becoming an adult, or I known them better, or I become a little bit more famous than last time, only because of this, I feel that, I can’t let down my guard and no mistakes should be made.

This is the way I express my respects. Not only TRF, Miss KEIKO, and Miss Namie Amuro too… it’s impossible not to respect them. Their histories will be continued, and I can’t achieve their success within my life. And it is not a thing that you can eventually exceed, because that’s my idea.”

“It’s not that kakkoi (handsome, cool)”

Recently Ayu finally released her latest single “BLUE BIRD” and it’s her 40th single! Plus the songs in her albums, Ayu has presented more than 100 songs to her fans around the globe, while creating yet another record in J-Pop history.

“Although I do not sing for sake of breaking records, but honestly I do feel happy from the perspective of ratings given by those music critics. But these things aren’t just belongs to me, that is a praise to everyone who is associated with ‘Ayumi Hamasaki’.”

When searching through the memories, I discovered that she once said…

“Previously, I totally have no idea that I have the ability to release 40 singles, or imagine what I look like right now. I has never given a thought that I can walked this far, simply because I’m not an ambitious type of person.

Some people do plan their lives clearly and really did carry out their plans with strong will, but I think I’m the one with the “not too OK” attitude (laughs). Not only sometimes I will skip certain vocal training classes, I would suddenly feel my tummy hurts if I go (laughs).

I think nobody starts to be very busy since the moment of their debut? It’s not like you will become busy as soon as you build up the order of your career. Sometimes you will feel free suddenly and you will sometime feel so high… you will naturally get used to it as long as your workload increases slowly. However, things aren’t suppose to be like that in reality. You must put everything in effect as soon as you have the idea of that particular thing… as if like it’s been sucked up by the tornado. I’m like this.

I have no time to think of anything and yet the next job keeps on coming, I have not time to think about sleeping or hunger either, because I spend away all of my energy just by doing my job properly as “Ayumi Hamasaki”. Although I have a good set of memory, but at certain times (during concert performances) my memories would as if derailed, thus memorizing doing certain things. I did squeeze such a lot of strength (to perform well in concert)… but that shouldn’t be considered as a “kakkoi” thing.

It is all because of my fans’ given support and the hardworking back stage crew when I was singing and dancing on the concert event, which created me, at this very moment.”

[You call this perfect; I rather felt that it won’t end just like this. This is the kind of job I’m having right now…]

In the year 2000, after the completion of the 1st stage and 2nd stage of the her very first Concert tour, she always cried with the crew members because I was so touched.

“Right now, whenever the concert just finished, I would just have a quick shower and straightaway reconfirm and check on my performances via the VTR at the backstage… if there’s unsatisfactory parts, I will discuss with my crew members together on ways of overcome the problems on the spot. It’s alright if it’s just accidents or freak surprises, but you can never neglect the existence of the errors.

For the perfect concert performance tomorrow, I would want to understand the cause of the errors occurred today by 100%. I totally cannot bear to worry about it, yet ignore it and again repeat the same mistakes. Same for today, everyone gave their best shot, and it made me tearful and moved me because we were able to make our audiences happy. But from a practical and constructive point of view, I rather sport better stage performances to respond to my fans…naturally I do have mindsets of these.”

Ayu and her crew members would use VTR to ran an analysis on her performance of the day, using scientific-experiment-like careful methods, thus seeking out the way to overcome problems and mistakes.


“Although I lost count on how many times did I stand on the stage, but I had never drank beer right after my live performances, nor I will have those happy feelings of yeah~ after the show. In contrast, I would be getting myself prepared in the backstage, and after the performance I will return to there and chat, in an astonishing manner of relaxation (laughs).

Even when I mustered all my courage and enter the small chamber used for rapid costume changing during the live performance, I would just feel the same thing (relax) (laughs). The atmosphere of my mood should be changing around 2 minutes before the opening of the event…”

Even if she said was true, she always gathered all she have and gave it all for each and every of the live concerts. She would be trained by the personal trainers appointed by her record company (Avex Trax Co.) to adjust her condition , even if it’s only a can of drink, she was willing to try it out if it’s believe to be nutritious for her body. Such positively focusing attitude of hers were not only found during her live concert times, but she always have the “seeking for the perfect” mindset goals for any of her projects. Ayumi Hamasaki would always relentlessly search for the word “perfect” without a second thought.

[It’s impossible to have no pressure, but I have messages to convey rather than pressure]

It has been 7 years ever since her very first concert tour. Whether it’s organized inside the Arena or Domes, the amount of public performances and crews added up over the years. This year, the amount totaled at 13 venues nationwide (Japan) and 30 performances. That is simply because more and more loyal fans wanted to see Ayu again, as well as new fans joining into the scene. In other words, this is the most accountable ratings given by Ayu fans to the concerts.

“Why do I make concerts… this is a hard question indeed. One of the reasons would be communicating with my fans nationwide, but the ultimate reason was because there were some messages that only I can convey, or that I should convey, hence why I make concerts. Because those messages were very difficult to send through magazines or television, so it still has to be done via some ways…right.

But definitely it’s not some phrases like “Recently I’m like bla bla bla” during the performances interval MC. It was some messages that only can be sent via the entire concert. That’s why we can finish the content structure, complete the layouts, set the costumes…, it’s not like we do this just for having a fun crowd around.

This year’s concert tour also have its own formed ideas and themes, but pardon me for unable to say it to everybody right in here (laughs). I always wanted to convey my concept to everyone. That was also the purpose for the role I’m playing during the concert tour.

So I think that I don’t really have to say something like “This is _____”, but I do hope that everyone to be able to experience it themselves. Whether it’s something straightforward such as nice visual effects, Ayu being cute, or feeling happy to be able to attend the concert… anything will do, it’s entirely up to the audience for their perception of the concert stage and the chosen track list.

But then, we do have a meaning or theme behind all these track listing, content structuring and every other part of the concerts. I can clearly say that, if the audience wishes to uncover the hidden meaning behind the scenes, it’s not impossible.”

The ideas covered inside her songs was so thick, that the word “1st in every generation” to describe Ayu sounds too easy. But note that her past songs are not simple pop hits, they do possess meanings, themes and messages, the songs feel like as if they suddenly stab through your chest. Right now, it seems inappropriate that if we use the word “past” on Ayu’s songs.

“Somehow my voice and the perform style changed, but inside my heart, there’s no such thing as “finished song”. The reason that I don’t regard this song (I believe it’s Blue Bird) lyrics too old or unfit for current trend is perhaps due to my unchanged thinking and ideas. No matter it’s now or then, and the remixed songs, my will didn’t feel even once shaken.”

[From now on I will still work hard without regret, just like what I have been doing all these years]

“No matter how you consider and plan about your future, you can fulfill them all in practice, right? This is the thing that I felt the most after all these years. Really, always some unpredictable things will happen around (laughs).

It’s no use if I’m tensed up, so right now I might even enjoy it. I used to be feeling confused in the past, but I guess now I am afraid of confusing because it might causing me to hesitate around. After all, it’s not that good though without regrets. Even now if I look behind my past, I won’t feel regret.”

Does that mean “things that you can feel when it’s painful right away?” or “always feeling regret when you are looking back?” To this question, Ayu first said, “it’s so hard to answer…” and she fell into a long, deep silence before finally saying fluently, “but you can only do things that you won’t feel regret about it.”

[Whenever there’s an important decision, I always felt that I have decided the choice before I choose the option.]

“Everybody knows that as long as you are living on this world, it is inevitable you will feel regret, right? “Huh? If I known earlier that it’s ____, then I might as well as do ____.”

“So when I realized that such “known earlier” feeling has been going thinner and thinner inside my mind, perhaps it’s because I feel tired of something, or I understand that something that I must give up or couldn’t avoid, or something that I must let go. Moreover, there’s no regret over unimportant things. Humans will only feel truly regret for the truly important things in their lives, otherwise they will just laugh at it after a period of time.

If there’s something that they feel regret about regardless how long they have been occurred, it must be an important decision. But just upon making any major decision, I tend to felt that I have decided the choice before I do the physical choosing, but lack of that courage needed for making the choice… Doesn’t that courage also include the ability to protect the decision until the very end, whether or not it has the results?

I’m terrified of making choices. I can’t think of the possible results if I make a random choice, I also won’t know if I can continue to uphold my choice, and worrying that I might make the wrong move.

Isn’t there only one choice that you can truly want to make? So all that’s left could only be “known earlier”. The reason that you known earlier but not choose, it totally different with the laziness or unwillingness to make a choice. If you understand this, you will give your best shots no matter what you select, but you will tend to fail always (laughs).

With this idea, you won’t hesitate on what you should do, and you can’t do anything about it should you fail in the end. So to sum up, it’s always the best to think what you should do right now…”

Ever since her debut, she has always having a fierce battle with her heart, and had walked this far because of having confidence with herself. If the title named as “songstress” represented the ones that climbed to the pinnacle of the success and the proof of being dreamed-to-be and respected, then it is truly fits our one and only “Ayumi Hamasaki.”


Translated by isaac hiew
Translated from Cawaii! Magazine, International Chinese version
2006 September Issue
Translation completed on 23rd August 2006

This article and picture scanned here forth are owned by Cawaii! Magazine. The translator disclaims all sorts of legal claims as this article’s translation copyright is owned by the author. All rights reserved.

Unauthorized usage is strictly prohibited, if you see this article on anywhere else except Ayumi Hamasaki Sekai, it could be a stolen copy.

If you really want to use this article and picture on your personal website, kindly PM, MSN or email me. I will reply to you as soon as possible. Please remember to give your website address and give me credit on your website. Thank you.


Special thanks to Kinokuniya KLCC for charging such a high price on the magazine

Thanks to the internet cafes for scanning the pics.

And biggest thanks to you who read this article XD

This article is now eligible at:

www.ayu.no requested by Maxker
http://www.ayudynasty.com/translations.php requested by Choyan




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[Edited by AHS Staff]
Discussion/Thanks:
http://www.ahsforum.com/forum/showthread.php?t=48099
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