[TRANSLATION] Cawaii March 2008 GUILTY interview; Ayu 10th year career anniversary - Ayumi Hamasaki Sekai
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Old 17th March 2008, 03:58 AM
isaac hiew's Avatar
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[TRANSLATION] Cawaii March 2008 GUILTY interview; Ayu 10th year career anniversary



I felt that my mind have really become stronger than last time.

I have never thought I did wanted to give up during the making of this album, given such a strong-willed person like me.

But I immediately kicked away that negative mindset and pressed on, in which I successfully finished the production.

Maybe you all think I'm a stong-willed person, and I do, too.

Although I'm really such a person, but there was a time when I nearly chose to give up.

Since I stand back up again after failures, I am sure you guys can too.

We may met with numerous obstacles, harm, injury or setbacks,

I hope nobody here feels unsettling.

This shall not be the end, there must be a day where the journey can continue.

I'm not a pro-active person, okay? (laughs)

I'm just a lucky girl whose being successul a bit earlier.

Some may take a longer time,

As it may so, I still think everyone will succeed.

There are a lot of incidents happenned in the past, and I always thought that it doesn't matter anymore should anything happens now. But that's not the case.

No matter what, I can still be singing and talking like this, can't I?

The year 2008 marks the 10th anniversary of my debut.

So I also wanted to go to places that I never been there before,

I really look forward to see everyone!

You guys must wait for me!




It is already becoming a norm for AYU to release her new albums around the New Year, and of course year 2008 is not excluded. It's called "GUILTY" and it really depends on personal interpretation about the meanng of the title. But let's not make it sounded so nice. The real meaning of GUILTY stands for "AYU is AYU". To sum that up in the place of "return to the very beginning", it would actually be better if we use the term "rebirth".

I think this is a nice album. The word "nice" does have a lot of meaning, or it is full of thoughts. Although I tend to praise previous albums like "MY STORY", "(miss)understood" and "SECRET", these albums harbors sense of accomplishments that were different to each releasement. It does feel a bit like times when I'm making "DUTY" or even "LOVEPPEARS". That means I feel like, "I'm doing these albums fine" or "luckily I did these albums".

In these few years, I would just simply say words like "I somehow did a good album that can dedicate to everyone" and then concludes an entire year. However this time, I didn't feel the same serene feeling after released my latest album anymore, instead I feel a bit of pain until now. Nonetheless I still regard this album as successful. The process was smooth when I was compiling "SECRET", that not only it gives me confidence, and the arrival of sudden-thoughts such as "Oh, this album was made because of this purpose" or "This song was written during the time when I was hurt, but was unable to heal it."

However I didn't get the same feeling this time around. There's nothing emotional about this album, it was just finished in a breath. But when I examined the songs' lyrics from my album, I was astonished that they somehow are telling a story. "How could it be?" I asked. (Laughs)

This kind of mood, is totally different from the usual feelings I had when I finished other albums. It's the same heart-pounding sensation when I first made "Duty".... [It is all right just by crying everything out and throwing tantrums all around?] I really enjoyed myself when I was in the process of making this album, and wasn't care about it until the result makes me wanna take a few steps back (Laughs). I can still feel that anxiety even right now.



Indeed, We do experienced the way that the lifestyle of AYU between "MY STORY" and "SECRET". The sense of recuperation and fellow-ship was somehow not the
same. "GUILTY", this time however, should substitute the word "same" with "coherence".Interpersonal struggles and dilemmas had awakened without one's awareness. The sensation of impulsive-rush ravages from the heart, and that is exactly the feeling when singing "DUTY".


I think that is true, of course. It is truly considered a "magnum opus" by me. Although these years I had released several albums that received positive feedback, the confidence were like semi-hidden within these albums. Higher confidence yields better albums -- but it will make the name "AYUMI HAMASAKI" go thinner. More people would be saying that "AYUMI HAMASAKI" was part of the album than mentioning that the albums had replaced "AYUMI HAMASAKI". However this time, the albums "GUILTY", "DUTY" or even "LOVEppears" had me felt that "AYUMI HAMASAKI" had replaced them all. Perhaps such thoughts were originated from some of my personal worries, however I'm very sure that these albums can help me share some of them.

it's a bit of surprise when we hear the long-lost word "worry" from between AYU's lips.

Certainly, I wanted to let everyone hear me say this, but then I had doubts on that... "Everyone should be able to know how I feel after I say such a thing, which it never backfires." I am pretty sure on that. Overall, It may seemed dark, but I had never say things like, "Everybody please bring on your courages and hopes and live on bravely." Maybe the darkness feeling was caused by my insecureness.

Ayu seems to also have sensed the major differences of this album from the others. We had felt something has been created in an inspiring way. For AYU who is going to be celebrating her 10-year-old career in 2008, What kind of an existance of the album "GUILTY" is to you?

You can say that it is a miracle. There's virtually no inspiration at all at the time of composing this album from the start. Frankly speaking, I really didn't have much energy to create a new album in the year 2007. There is no meaning at all if I force myself to squeeze out something even if I can't do that. I was thinking that it is better off doing the album in a laid-back attitude, because it would make everyone unhappy, and do no good to myself should I bulldoze it, it's true.

But one day I suddenly took up a pen and started to write song lyrics. It was said that I wanted to write but actually I HAD TO WRITE IT no matter what. I was like, "I still can't stop singing and writing lyrics." And five songs were born becaue of that in the very same day.

It might be some sort of a sign to me, that perhaps wanting me to produce this album no matter what. But, there were a lot of thoughts like, "Maybe it doesn't work", and caused the whole producing process to pause.

I am usually not a person that gives up easily. but I really did had the phrase , "Oh well, these problems does exist!" , "Just accept whoever I am, will ya guys?", and I just basically surrendered to the crew. And I hate myself being like this.

At the end, I somehow felt, "gotta finish it up", and I withdrew all my previous negative thoughts the very next day (laughs). I got stronger from that day onwards, and fulfilled all my planned scheduled which was nearly impossible to accomplish.

I finally understood that giving up is really the worst I could ever done, and from then on, I always think like this, "I shall never give up".

GUILTY, about the meaning of this title given to this album, meant the abbreviation of "A TITLE given by one's ownself, as it refers to one's current state or way of living". But are there anyone who is really "clean" in this world? Maybe they hurt someone even thought the hadn't done it on purpose, for example, lying and other minor offenses which can be found on everyone by right...

I have carefully done alot of soul searching regarding the issue of "feeling guilty, but still life has to go on" whenever I was composing or performing. No matter how people feel sinful, since we are alive and kicking, then we should continue living on the best we could whether we are sad or happy.

Those who had listened to "SECRET" will perhaps perceive that the album somehow acts like a movie that infinitely repeats itself no matter played from which track. And "GUILTY" is like a trilogy that spans from the first track to the last, which no tracks whould be left out in order to preserve its completeness. Then it feels like, "Even if it's like this I still have to...". Maybe this is exactly the "Life must go on" perspective brought up by AYU.

If there's anything special about this album, then maybe it's about I cried when I first listened to GUILTY. Basically I do not listen to my own songs. I always calm down whenever I finished recording, and judge my songs as a third party, or thinking about some parts of the song such as "This part of this song maybe wasn't that easy to sing". This time it isn't both of these perception, because I couldn't stop crying during the song and I would always do something else in the middle of the song (laughs). But if I listen to it again I would think, "it's great to be alive", definately.


Translated by Isaac Hiew
Translated from Cawaii! March 2008 International Chinese edition, Page 15, 18
17/March/2008



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