Lets vent about ayu?/why did your fandom decrease

[Zeke.]

It's a mixture of different things. Of course there's the fact that material has changed. Every now and then there is something that screams that classic Hamasaki aura but more often than not lately it has been a slew of tracks that, when it comes down to it, I wouldn't miss if they were never released to begin with. For example, if I were in an alternate universe and got to hear clips of the majority of her songs from recent eras that "could have been" (songs that actually ARE existing in THIS universe), I wouldn't feel sad over many of them.

There is a study in which I read lately when researching materials for a research paper. My chosen topic was trance music but it broadened out to power of music and its effects, user experiences, etc. One interesting study was about how there is a part in the brain which is constantly making guestimations or expectations of music as you listen to it. This part of the brain which is interpreting new music as you listen to it, compares it to stored "templates" of music you have enjoyed in the past in another part of the brain. When your brains expectations are met or exceeded, the first area releases dopamine into the brain - and when this area compares the new piece of material you are listening to to the stored "templates" of which your brain has found pleasure in the past, the dopamine levels will fire off more intensely. But, if the new material is too "out there" compared to past experiences that have shaped your brains preferences, then you won't feel that "rush".

What I'm trying to say is, for a long time Ayu's music had this CRAZY effect on my brain. It was immensely powerful, and I have no doubt now after reading these scientific discoveries that the amount of dopamine my brain produced during the height of my love of her works (my favorite songs) just cannot be rivaled. After having that kind of experience, such INTENSE feelings of disbelief at how my expectations were continually exceeded, such an intensity will never return because the part of my brain which creates expectations and the part of my brain which holds onto those templates are filled with moments like those... even when lowering my expectations consciously, subconsciously my brain is a slave to those peaks in pleasure I had during the best moments in her music for me.

If she changes too much then the part of my brain that stores enjoyable templates is not satisfied. If she doesn't change much but does not exceed or at least live up to past attempts at a similar sound, then the dopamine will not fire off and disappointment ensues.

I once had this theory come to me when I was "medicated" and my mind was blown - that the reason my passion for her music was dwindling was because the rush I felt during my first years of fandom were SO INTENSE that it was virtually impossible to live up to that rush. Now that science has actually explained this as a possibility I am truly baffled by it!

[terra]

^That's an interesting theory, and I kinda agree with it. During my first years of fandom, her materials and lyric for me are one of a kind. It's so intense and powerful and it matches with the demand of my brain to listen to such music.

Idk how to say it but I felt like her materials especially since Love Songs (it's still the best from her 3 latest album so far) were half-assed or like unfinished products (e.g Tell All was a mixing mess for me). So I drifted away from her latest music even though I still love some like snowy kiss, Merry-go-round, Wake me up, and Return Road.

Maybe the fact that I changed and she changed and we're no longer as compatible as before (in terms of personal feelings and taste), that's what made me lost my interest.

And maybe, because I don't really dig the whole cutesy thing...? I mean an older woman can be cute like Kylie Minogue, she's cute but she's cute appropriately not like "Hey, I'm a higshchool girl!" things like that...or maybe because it's a part of Japanese culture I can never embrace

[Bigtop]

Okay guys, for those who criticized on my post, sorry about that. Was I off-topic or something?

I do still like her music, but I just haven't had a chance to listen to her more recent songs...

[primavera♥]

Lol. Why does everyone hate Party Queen so much. It's such an interesting album. Songs like Eyes, Smoke, Magic are so interesting and almost dark lyric wise. I love when she does that.

Sorry you can't appreciate what ayu is doing right now. You're probably ever only going to enjoy the past. That's natural. Ayu has been around for a while. It's a lot easier to disappoint when you've already done so much. Also easy to make comparisons to the past which most likely seems grand and nostalgic and emotional. Idk. That's just how it is for some people.

I see it with MUCC fans often. Even when they're changing up their sound. Especially when they're changing up their sound actually lol. Had it been released first in their career. It may have been loved, but it wasn't.

Anyway, I really loved LOVE and again ad mini-albums. Good quality to me. Surprisingly so. I feel the same way about her last single. So I hope it continues in this fashion. I only don't care for basic ass songs like the ones on FIVE outside of progress and BRILLANTE. And Melody. And I'll probably feel the same about Hello New Me tbqh

I also think that she looks fabulous lately. Hopefully we can get some more color and edge soon. That's what I ask for. But at least she still looks nice. It's very safe.

[KarenPang]

I've been a fan of ayumi since late 2005 . She was the 1st JPop artiste I started listening/supporting . Along the way , I found many other artistes to support besides her

Naturally , fandoms come & go . I stopped supporting some in due course but she's 1 of the few that I still support even up to now . I've gone through some incidents when my interest in her dropped but it didn't really came to a point where I completely stopped supporting her

And to say that you stopped supporting her just because she's old is the dumbest thing to say . You look around artistes that're older than her but yet they still got it even up to now , such as B'z , Fukuyama Masaharu-san & many others

Heck , even the members for my most fave artiste BREAKERZ are all older than her , well just 2 haha but do I support/love them cos of how they look & all ? No as that's just super shallow in supporting someone just because of looks

For me , I support an artiste based on the music that he/she makes . Looks come & go but talent still stays in a person in many more years to come

End of the day even though some of ayumi's personal decisions on some issues are questionable , there's no doubt she still reminds a force to reckon with . For her to do things her way & not caving into the latest music trends , I think that says a lot about her

She could have sell herself out but she chose not to do that . In that aspect , I respect her as she's in a stage where now she calls the shots on what she wants or don't want to do

[owlflight]

I don't think my interest in Ayu has decreased but I don't feel like the supportive fan I was a year ago. I'm not jumping to preorder her music releases like I used to. I blame that mostly on my financial situation. I have also discovered other artists so that splits up my time. Age wise, I don't care how old she is as long as she makes great music. Besides, one of my favorite singers aside from Ayu is in her 40s. But Ayu, I'm still waiting for some awesome rock songs from you!

[Kazeyomi]

I think it's pretty natural a decreasing interest troughout time.
Especially when you grow up with Ayu (not literaly tho lol). Maybe you cannot relate to her songs anymore, because your tastes are changed.

Things happened in my life, so I can't relate to her ~I married my dokidoki love is beautiful~ type of songs lately. So I rarely listen to LOVE again even if I loved it (I think I wrote a good review when it was released, here on AHS). I'm more in a GUILTY mood (I used to dislike that album. See how things can change?) or angst/rockish songs. Even though I enjoyed her latests songs. Especially Merry-go-round. Also, Feel the love is that kind of cute trash I could listen to when I'm bored.

I hope her upcoming EDM album would be as awesome as Party Queen was. Where Ayu can experiment and do something new.
I'm not tired of Ayu, actually I would never lose interest on her. I'm just waiting for something like BRILLANTE. Something that make me say: this is the Ayu I know. And was the last song I truly love from her. Only snowy kiss come close, but ugh that PV. At least BRILLANTE's was weird and yay for halfnaked hot guys.

It's kinda weird as opinion though but whatever, is how I feel .

[visionfactory]

I've been loosing interest because 2 things

LOVE again

and

Love Songs

not interesting at all, I hope she never release albums like that again

[Yumi(e)]

Since her first marriage, I stopped caring about her life, and for me her works have always been linked with her "daily life", so to set aside a part of Hamasaki Ayumi (ayu) the songs themselves just looked a bit "more of the same" for me, with exceptions like Party Queen.
Now, looking how she's managing her life, without all the drama, well... I'm back to her(?)
But, yeah, always there will be ups & downs in all fandoms, so I think it's normal.

[Corybobory]

My fandom decreased because my music tastes changed - I got a bit older - and replaced my younger jpop tastes for more mature Spanish pop tastes And these days I listen to Taylor Swift. So basically yeah, maturity on the rise lol...

[BlackSilence]

I wouldn't say i like her less than before, i think i just got too used to what she does music wise. I've always been a fan of her songs arangements, minuse some awful choices of edm lol but it's just my personal prefference cuz i mean even with edm you can get a very rich arrangement, the probelm is none seems to be investing much in that.
Also i've liked pretty much everything she's done so far, even if i don't like it there's something in the track i enjoy. For example i cannot stand Feel The Love but i enjoy the meody of it, it's nice, however i don't listen to it at all lol
I think as for me it's more difficult to be surprised by her. I am not a fan of where she's going with the curent album judging by the chosen people to work with, but i am happy that she's trying out new things. as Max_ZZZ said there's always that one song that you will like in the end, so i am really not tat bothered, i just hope she won't go pain arrangement wise, like she did with Feel The Love. The only stuff that bugs me most of the time is plain arrangements, cuz that is not what she's known for, for me. As long as i get something fierce from her, i'm gonna enjoy it. Even tho i am a bit less crazy about her now.

[NintendoHTF1242]

I used to think I was losing interest in Ayu, just found that I was ignorant towards her newer stuff.

And being a fan of EDM, and anything electronic for that matter; her new stuff is beautiful. "Feel the love" is great, "Merry-go-round" is straight flawless, and I really like "My Way." My interest is at its highest tbh. That's saying a lot because it took me an entire year just to listen to LOVE again.

[truehappiness]

About her image... I can't recall the interview exactly, but there was a recent-ish one that mentioned that she let go of trying to be a perfectionist when it came to her image a while ago. I think that it happened around 2009-2010, tbh.

Ah, it was Tell All's photobook.

“With “Mirrorcle World”, I kept requesting for a stronger and more impactful arrangement. I did that then, most probably to protect myself. “Don’t look at anything else, just face forward and run, run!” In the end, I just wanted to tell myself that… When we returned from L.A. and were mixing “Tell All”, I remembered this. So the difference between “Tell All” and “Mirrorcle World” is that. I don’t need to be perfect, nor to protect myself anymore. I’m really afraid of nothing now. In the past, I created an iron wall with things such as hair and make-up, and felt safe when enclosed inside. Now, whenever I make myself up to be perfect, it just feels different and sort of lonely. Being perfect now feels incomplete. There’s hope there, but also despair. That is how I am.

[Delirium-Zer0]

truehappiness, I'm glad you mentioned that quote about Tell All, because it's a good segue into why my fandom has waned over the last few years (yes, even mine).

I apologize for this wall of text but I felt the need to explain why I became a fan and why my expectations are what they are. I don't want anyone to misconstrue anything I say. lol...

Like a TON of high schoolers who became fans of Ayu between 1999 and 2000, Ayu resonated with me for her honesty. Even not understanding her lyrics, you could tell she was baring her soul - the arrangements and melodies and her vocal performance had true honest emotions behind them. To this day, my favorite ayu songs are the ones that make me feel whatever she's feeling.

All my favorite music is honest & communicative. I always liked girls singing their feelings, always. It just happened to also be well-produced, beefed-up pop music instead of girl-with-a-guitar indie fare, which sound-wise bores the crap out of me. The songs are usually either mournful or cautiously optimistic (and almost always in a minor key), stemming from feeling crappy but wanting things to get better. That music always made me feel less alone, since pop with the sort of arrangement/production I like is usually insufferably happy, and makes me feel like there's something wrong with me for feeling frustrated or lonely or apprehensive or betrayed. "These cute teenage pop princesses can feel so happy & sexy, why can't I?" I'd think. "What's wrong with me?"

But then there are also albums like Tori Amos' "From The Choirgirl Hotel," Alanis Morissette's "Flavors of Entanglement," Bjork's "Post," even Madonna's "Ray of Light." My favorite albums have always been ones where my speakers or headphones are beaming the singer's emotions straight into my brain, but with slick production - of a particular sort, that HELPED convey certain feelings rather than covering up flaws or watering the music down. I would listen to these albums and be immersed in them, not because they distracted me from reality, but because they made me feel like it REALLY was all going to be okay eventually. Because something ruined and torn up and imperfect could still be beautiful too.

But in the early 2000s, the singers I like started to get not so good. They were getting boring. Too organic, too simple, too indie sounding... or they weren't honest anymore, for the sake of sounding "safe."

Ayumi Hamasaki showed up in my life completely by accident during a time when my music library REALLY needed someone who was honest and raw and pained, but who had slick pop production. "TO BE" charmed me with its exotic sweetness, but "monochrome" and "Far away" made me a fan. "appears" was mind-blowing - it was so dark, but so uptempo and so shiny! What was this girl all about? The imagery & stories in her lyrics at the time made me so mad that nothing I liked in English was so well written. Her music videos told incredible, dark, beautiful stories - a girl growing more mature as the seasons change; strangers meeting each other by chance and being deeply affected by each other; an angel destroyed by her amazement of a single sign of life among charred ruins; ayu the performer being watched by ayu the person from the audience; and the vogue/Far away/SEASONS video, as a metaphor for a popular figure approaching & passing her prime of relevance and talent, was so resonant for me and it fit the lyrics of those songs so well, I could hardly believe a million-seller like Ayu could possibly be responsible for it.

See, when I found Ayu i had no idea she was as huge and culturally relevant as she was. No one who did work like that COULD be. When I saw her sales rankings & numbers I was astounded. The idea that someone like her was marketable AT ALL was just... what?? (Because someone like her could be successful in Japan, I started looking into Japanese music much more. This, in turn, completely altered the course of my life.) Clearly with the hair & makeup they were trying to make her marketable, but... even those superficial cloaks that she hid herself behind were reflections of HER. Back then, even when she tried to hide, she couldn't. Not if you were really paying attention. Back then it seemed like more work to hide; now it seems like more work for her NOT to hide. She's gotten very good at putting fake smiles on, but it's a talent I wish she hadn't developed.

My fandom for ayu does hit lulls. And these lulls are very predictable. Every single time she started doing work with pleasing her audience as the goal, I've been unhappy with the result. (Considering "Duty" is about her anxieties regarding keeping her audience in mind, and it's her best-selling original album, I don't think I'm alone in this.) RAINBOW had English on it for the first time as a result of her sudden awareness that she had fans in countries outside of Japan, for example. That was my first major lull. RAINBOW wasn't what I wanted after "Duty" and "I am...," it was what she thought everyone else wanted from any pop star at all.

Since then, her more honest work - albums like "Secret" and "Party Queen" - have invariably been my favorites. Not for their experimentation, not for the branching out into other genres. But because I GET those albums. Those albums are the sequels to A Song for XX showing a woman growing older, making different mistakes, finding herself, and confessing her sins. Albums where she makes me feel better by exposing her heart when she feels worse. They make me feel like I understand her as a person a bit more, and they help me understand myself. Those albums are like therapy for me.

Likewise, it's her more intimate tours that appeal to me. I have a theory that in 2009 there were really two types of Ayu fans - those who were disappointed by AT2009 after AT2008, and those who were pleasantly surprised by it. I fall FIRMLY into the second category. No, the floating chair wasn't bigger or cooler or more of a spectacle than the Mirrorcle World ship. Thank goodness, because to me it was BETTER. During "Bridge to the sky" and "NEXT LEVEL" she used imagery of life & heaven to show me that she'd finally found her "ibasho," she'd found where she belonged, and I felt that. And I WEPT. It was beautiful.

So when she sings about being happily in love, dancing, and superficial romantic pain just like every other pop star... it does nothing for me.

But then she also sings about betrayal, alcoholism, past trauma, suicidal thoughts, doubts, anxiety, procrastination, resolution to make the most of her life, feeling lost, repeating mistakes, and being friendzoned and I'm all into that! THAT is what makes me feel better, THAT is what makes me feel less alone, THAT is what makes Ayumi Hamasaki my favorite pop star. Complex themes, stemming from present stress, combined with optimism that one day things will be better.

So yeah, "Pray" was decent, "Merry-go-round" was fantastic, but "Tell All"... That's the best song she's done in ages. And for exactly the reason truehappiness quoted. She wasn't hiding anymore. I like when Ayu isn't hiding.

"ganbatte, ganbatte
kakkowarukute mo ii
sonna kimi ga suki"

[Yumsushi]

Originally Posted by Bigtop

Look here, I've been losing interest in Ayu, and for a number of reasons...[list][*]She's 35 years old[*]I've been too busy studying at school, and need to study more, especially after I "only" got a 2.5 in my math class last quarter

Look here, is it any wonder that you only got "only" 2.5 in your math? with the abysmal sense of reasoning you've just displayed 2.5 is a miracle!

Moving on to reality
My problem with Ayumi is that despite the fact that she always had musical hits or misses for me over her career, she was the full package. Her image wasn't lame and embarrassing, she didn't use ridiculous marketing campaigns with her relationships and she was relatable and believable. Now all I feel is that she is desperate to stay relevant. Her Pvs no longer have that obscure mystery to them and are mostly silly and forgettable, many of her songs are just carbon copies of other songs, and I no longer feels that she gives a damn about maintaining the musical or visual standard that she created at her peak.

I feel that the quote truehappiness mentioned is actually hilarious if Ayumi truly believes it is true. I truly feel that Ayumi has become so distant from her fans in the way she currently presents herself. When I look at her pictures in magazines and on album/single covers, all I see is a Diva. When I listen to alot of her new songs, all I can think of is how uninspiring her music has become. I hope that she will actually implement those feelings in her quote at some point in the future.

[ccsharumun]

I know this is something that is hotly debated, but one of the reasons I have trouble listening to Ayu anymore is her voice quality. I feel like she is struggling to sing these days (not that she doesn't want to, but that her vocal chords are failing her), and that's too painful for me to deal with. I can't imagine what she herself must be going through if she feels the same way about her singing as many people have come to feel about it.

And this is not to say I think her voice has gotten progressively worse since her debut. My favorite vocal era of hers was My Story, and I'm in love with everything through Secret; while Guilty, Next Level and Rock'n'Roll Circus, though not as fantastic, still appeal strongly to me. Love Songs was a huge comeback for me musically - Love Song and November are just brilliant - but vocally I felt there was a kind of nosedive that has only gotten progressively worse.

Since Party Queen I've just been too depressed with the situation to want to listen to her stuff. And although - for me - Party Queen was her worst album to date, there are still some stellar tracks on there that I think would have been more amazing if her voice wasn't falling apart.

I know some people like her voice still, and that's great. It's absolutely obnoxious when people who've lost interest in her or don't like her stuff try to convince everyone else to feel the same as they do. But I can understand why people are not as charmed as they used to be. And I can't pretend, and it makes me too sad I still try and sample every release but it's really been hard.


Meanwhile, I've lost interest in her performance art when she became overly theatrical. I like her more honest, "sing and move as the music takes you", rather than as rehearsed-to-death, performances.

Also, an aside that really wouldn't matter if I was still into her current music - her photoshoots and image have felt especially fake lately (mostly since Rock'n'Roll Circus). Even album art. I know it's part of the style these days, and she has always done radical things, but compared to back when I have trouble connecting with her visually. I felt like her rawness and honesty really came through in the past - but it just seems covered up these days.

[KarenPang]

Originally Posted by Yumsushi

Moving on to reality
My problem with Ayumi is that despite the fact that she always had musical hits or misses for me over her career, she was the full package. Her image wasn't lame and embarrassing, she didn't use ridiculous marketing campaigns with her relationships and she was relatable and believable. Now all I feel is that she is desperate to stay relevant. Her Pvs no longer have that obscure mystery to them and are mostly silly and forgettable, many of her songs are just carbon copies of other songs, and I no longer feels that she gives a damn about maintaining the musical or visual standard that she created at her peak.

I feel that the quote truehappiness mentioned is actually hilarious if Ayumi truly believes it is true. I truly feel that Ayumi has become so distant from her fans in the way she currently presents herself. When I look at her pictures in magazines and on album/single covers, all I see is a Diva. When I listen to alot of her new songs, all I can think of is how uninspiring her music has become. I hope that she will actually implement those feelings in her quote at some point in the future.

She set really high standards in the past be it when it comes to her music or her choice of fashion & let alone her PVs

Ironically what's happening to her right now is that she's self destructing herself in a way or 2 which's really unfortunate

[Mai82Go]

Originally Posted by Yumsushi

Look here, is it any wonder that you only got "only" 2.5 in your math? with the abysmal sense of reasoning you've just displayed 2.5 is a miracle!

Moving on to reality
My problem with Ayumi is that despite the fact that she always had musical hits or misses for me over her career, she was the full package. Her image wasn't lame and embarrassing, she didn't use ridiculous marketing campaigns with her relationships and she was relatable and believable. Now all I feel is that she is desperate to stay relevant. Her Pvs no longer have that obscure mystery to them and are mostly silly and forgettable, many of her songs are just carbon copies of other songs, and I no longer feels that she gives a damn about maintaining the musical or visual standard that she created at her peak.

I feel that the quote truehappiness mentioned is actually hilarious if Ayumi truly believes it is true. I truly feel that Ayumi has become so distant from her fans in the way she currently presents herself. When I look at her pictures in magazines and on album/single covers, all I see is a Diva. When I listen to alot of her new songs, all I can think of is how uninspiring her music has become. I hope that she will actually implement those feelings in her quote at some point in the future.

This is what I feel as well. Before it was just like I loved and looked forward to everything - albums, new singles, PV, tour...what will she wear, what will the setlist and the screens be like???, magazine shots and interviews...everything was exciting! The last time I really felt that way was around 2010, which is 4! years ago. Since then she has been slowly, but steadily left me colder and I don't like her newer stuff to the point where it almost feels like a duty to listen to her songs or watch her concerts, because well she's Ayu, my all time favourite singer and don't I kind of owe it to her and myself to try and like it? Didn't I defend her against the naysayers back then at all cost and am I basically doing the same thing now, saying "meh, she's not all that!"?

Sometimes I think, maybe it does connect to my personal life, that I just don't see that sparkle anymore, because I connect certain Ayu eras to my own life and what has happened at that time. But a lot of people here seem to feel the same so it cannot be the reason. Even if I like a song, the whole package is gone. I'm glad that Ayu has such an impressive discography and I own all of her older concerts because it is like time travel for me to go back to these days when I liked her that much.

[Tom Punks]

Originally Posted by Yumsushi

Moving on to reality
My problem with Ayumi is that despite the fact that she always had musical hits or misses for me over her career, she was the full package. Her image wasn't lame and embarrassing, she didn't use ridiculous marketing campaigns with her relationships and she was relatable and believable. Now all I feel is that she is desperate to stay relevant. Her Pvs no longer have that obscure mystery to them and are mostly silly and forgettable, many of her songs are just carbon copies of other songs, and I no longer feels that she gives a damn about maintaining the musical or visual standard that she created at her peak.

I feel that the quote truehappiness mentioned is actually hilarious if Ayumi truly believes it is true. I truly feel that Ayumi has become so distant from her fans in the way she currently presents herself. When I look at her pictures in magazines and on album/single covers, all I see is a Diva. When I listen to alot of her new songs, all I can think of is how uninspiring her music has become. I hope that she will actually implement those feelings in her quote at some point in the future.

This pretty much lol. Like, I'll always listen to her new music as it comes out because it's always been SO easy to digest and I'm a lazy listener so that matters to me lol, but she's just let the quality slip too much. I know she set a really really high bar for herself in the past, but it really feels like she just doesn't care that much anymore. Not as if she can't make better music, but she just doesn't care about making it better anymore. It's like she doesn't make new music for any reason other than because it's been a year since the last album. LOVE again was actually insultingly lazy imo and I 100% feel she only released that album because she wanted to do SOMETHING for her 15th anniversary, and rather than actually put real effort into it she just decided "hey I'll release all those old rejected demos" that obviously weren't good enough BEFORE so why would they be now lol.

I've always been critical of Ayu and vocal of my disappointment when I thought she could have done better, but that was because I loved her and WANTED her to do well. But when she started throwing her relationship with Maro into our faces (especially so soon after Mannie!), started releasing singles disguised as mini albums (for her streak, for $$$, probably because avex willed it, I don't care why), and just decided to throw her artistry to the wind in favor of getting a quick, easy album out for her anniversary, it completely took a cannon ball to my fandom. For the first time ever, I completely stopped caring about what she did whatsoever. And for me to say that, considering how much time and emotion I invested in her, considering no artist EVER came REMOTELY close to how much I cared about her, is a ginormous blow. You know what they say, apathy is worse than hate lol.

I've slowly, cautiously been regaining interest since she's now working to keep her career and love life separated and actually trying with this album unlike the last one, so we'll see how it goes lol...

[Majutsu]

Even though I purchased the album, I have kind of been feeling like Ayu began pulling away from her former self since Party Queen. There are maybe only five songs on the album that I enjoy... the rest of them don't even sound like they were meant to be sung by her. It seemed like, "let's throw out an album really quick to get some sales going" or whatever, which I know was most likely not Ayu's mentality when it was released but I couldn't help but get that feeling. I definitely got that vibe with A Summer Best, with only one new song on the tracklist at the time. Since then, I feel like it's been hit and miss with Ayu's music lately. I know she's always trying new things that she hopes her fans will enjoy, so I really don't fault her when something like a new song doesn't get the reception she may be hoping for. It's got to be so stressful trying to constantly be innovative with the music and at the same time adhere to what the music producers think will turn a profit. Be that as it may, I also get the feeling that she hasn't really been saying in her songs what she really wants to say. Not that long ago, it seemed all of her songs came from raw emotion and she wasn't afraid to show her true self to her fans, who love her for it. But now it's kind of like she's becoming more distant and her music is less visceral. I liked Feel the love but it seems like a sort of song that Avex pressured her into doing because they knew it would sell. I just really miss the way she used to deliver her music, but still... I don't think I could ever cease being a fan of Ayu altogether. I'm confident that she will continue to wow us with beautiful and stirring songs for some time to come, so we shouldn't abandon her after all she has given her fans just because the last couple of years have been a little off.