[TRANSLATION] Cawaii December 2007 "Talkin' to myself"

[isaac hiew]

Side Face Story Ayumi Hamasaki

~It's was the side face of AYU, and now it's talkin' 2 myself~

The 42nd single of Ayumi Hamasaki "talkin' 2 myself"... That's right! It is such a great song!
A must-listen single for those who haven't listened to it before! That would be like an command. (Laughs)

(It will be the end for everything if you deny the reality All of us should move onto our own chosen path)

With a thought like the phrase above, we produced the cover of this magazine after several discussion and comparisons. How do you guys think about our cover?

But... is it alright by using the song's title as the headlines of this article....?

It might sound rude but Cawaii! decided to fight along with Ayu "in this era"!

Sorry, we 'ayumized' ourselves without approval.

Those so called noble characters always give up so easily, even our Prime Minister too. (Note 1)

Everyone just think for themselves.

If temperature gets higher and higher like this, then how should Earth become...

Not knowing what will happen at when... this is the present situation.

Seems living on with will is the most important thing... yes.

I believe everyone already knows that.

Talkin' 2 myself


(Note 1: Refering to the quick-quitting Japanese Prime Ministers, it refers to Shinzo Abe who apparently abandoned his position after just 365 days)


---"Talkin' 2 myself" is such a strong song. Although we had strong songs featuring ROCK-AYU-like "Duty" before, but this time we felt a bit different than last time. How did this song came out?

Because I have something to write about, and so I went to look for a suitable tune that fts into the lyrics, and it was swiftly done. This song was produced before "Glitter/Fated". About my own style and way of living, I always had an awareness of "I just wanted to live like this". Then questions like "How do I feel about such a living style? How does it look like in reality? How about things looking at now?" causing me to write "talkin' 2 myself".[/I]

---We do have songs that portray feelings of "awareness/realization" or "determination/decision" So the reason to touch these issues again were because...?


Yeah, I used to have encountered situations like "Realization of things/resting my luck upon something, the always- repetitive selects and discards". Things were the same during the making of "Duty". I have made a big decision in my heart but everything starts happenning with a different core of cause. So this time (talkin 2 myself) it's about different meaning , perhaps I have realized some other issues then.

---About the phrase "That's how I lived" in the lyrics, Are there any specific examples of describing it?


For myself, I have never changed my decisions about how should I continue my path in the future. But in the past, I was like "I can only go on like this and this and so just leave me alone". However now I would like people who understand me, who love me, who were beside me can know me. And that includes my fans and my friends.

---Does that refer to this person named"Ayumi Hamasaki" or the real "AYU"?

Both.

--- Are there any overlaps between "Ayumi Hamasaki" and "AYU"?

About this... I think so. Last time I thought it would be scary if it's different (note 2)--- That means it's terrifying if "Ayumi Hamasaki" equals my own, true self. Everybody knows that Ayumi Hamasaki = AYU and I disliked that. I would deliberately try to distinguish both of these identities.

(Note: The original text probably was an error. Ayumi Hamasaki seems to be contradicting herself. It is supposed to mean "Last time I thought it would be scary if it's the same")

But now... although the tendency to play hero doesn't change, but it's not entirely last time where I can only capable of making sounds, I have become more honest now. When I able to selttle down and take opinions I would feel like "So in the end we're still the same person". Therefore I somehow accepted the idea of: I can still have an AYU mindset when I was playing as Ayumi Hamasaki while understanding that I still need to be Ayumi Hamasaki when I am playing as AYU.

Although I'm not very sure of how other may think, But just like what the chorus sang, "Even if you view it as it was full of sorrow, I do not agree however, that's not acting strong." It's just right as how I am now, I made these decisions because I like it, and it's just how it is.

---I see. Nevertheless, Whether successful or not, happy or not, it's all because of one's choices in the first place.

Indeed. What matters most is the choice-maker's feelings at the time. So what even if everyone thought "This person is such a poor thing", Isn't it just alright if that person feels okay about it?

---For AYU, how do you view "happiness" or "things that one should get?"

About this... I guess the very first thing is to own your true self, and that includes achieving the point of not lying to others; the first step should be not lying to yourself. I Believe that anybody would be scared upon the idea of facing themselves and their surroundings honestly, and then feel that they can't do it. Me too, can't always speak and act freely, but I would think "So what?" "I didn't lie at least" . Luckily I'm not working in the corporate world, otherwise it would be impossible for me to get promoted (Laughs).

---Ahaha, such rightous behavior shall cause you change a few jobs, eh? There's this phrase in "talkin' to myself" that says "Before construction there's destruction" that AYU has been stressing about.

Ahaha, That's because I am a vandal.

---A vandal, huh? Seems like your medal of honor.

Actually destruction is a very scary thing. That's why we tend to protect everything as we could. I do sometimes thinking of being a good girl. But in the end I still have to go destroying things. That's not for anyone but because I was bored. However I do not destroy vaguely... I destroy for the sake of creating new things... bacause if I don't then there will be no innovation and creation in my works.

--You used to write stuffs only about your thoughts, what's the difference between now and the past?

I used to be very mindful about what should Ayumi Hamasaki do in certain kind of issues. So sometimes I had such an internal battle inside me that I can't find a suitable spot for myself. But then I enjoyed a certain degree of freedom when composing this song. When I complained to my friends that "I don't feel free at all." They all straight-forwardly answered, "Doesn't AYU very good at singing? Isn't it easy to get your freedom by making new songs?" Then I realized, "Yeah, I can find it in my new songs!" and coincidentally during the composing times I do feel "It's really free!" Maybe it has always been like that but I always forgotten about the sensation until other people remind me of that.

---By the way, You once said that sometimes the songs from "Duty" will be too painful to hear, so how about now?


Recently I discovered that downloading song can be so much fun. Althought I have bought a lot of music before, but it is my very first time buying my own CD. My house used to lack CDs performed by me and I would never listen to my songs inside my house. Then one random day I suddenly feel and urge of listening to my songs and I tried hard to download it. After that I thought, "Ohhhh, I sang about these kind of things before..."

---May I know it was which song?

From old songs to new releases. But there are some songs which was made during the "Duty" and "Memorial Address" era; those songs which were released when I was super busy. When I finally listened to it, I have a wierd feeling that it was not my song, but somebody else's.

--Any special feelings?

A lot~~~ (laughs). I would feel like the performer was like a tidal wave! But sometimes I can't hear the lyrics very well, and I just can't memorize it even when I tried to keep up with the CD, so I ended up searching for the lyrics of my own song on the internet (giggles)

--Why would you start to do things like that?


I think it's because I wanted to get serious again. I would not be afraid to inspect myself from outside to inside. I find that interesting, too.

--And that means "Luckily I didn't avoid the problem" sort of thing?



Yeah. Maybe I went fumbling around a bit. Thank goodness I didn't become a quitter and run away.

--So it has been reflected on the lyrics of this song, so it was meant for the readers of Cawaii! that "you should not avoid your problems and should go for it?"

Perhaps it is the best option for some people to running away from problems. For me personally, I would not turn away even there's this cannon that fires a shell at me from the point-blank range. I would rather observe how the shell would come and hit me. It's of course easier to fear for it and dodge the incoming projectile but it would be impossible to know who's shooting by dodging it. I don't like that. I want to know his intention. If I don't do that then I would not have been understand how I get hit upon, and how to heal myself up then.

--The very AYU style... casting a bet using construction and destruction.


As a vandal, I frequently cause my daily life being topsy-turvy. In return I am very sure about what really makes me feel good or comfortable, and I decide everything myself. The same goes to fashion; I don't simply reject red colored clothes just because I feel red color doesn't suit me. As long as I keep myself open-minded, I will understand "sometimes certain shades of red color really are suitable for me". This is also a kind of destruction/vandalism --- a device for opening of new means. Hence, the opening of new means = destruction/vandalism will causing me to fell down and stmble around all day long. It's just like when you suddenly open a tunnel, the wind blows at you and don't you feel it's some kind of a relax sensation in it?

--So this time AYU openned another wind tunnel that blows wind of relaxation?

Yup that's right! sometimes I get swipe away by huge rainstorms too (laughs) But that's the way it is, I wanted to tell the readers of Cawaii! that sometimes in your life, you will encounter things like this. Maybe everyone here will say "AYU really doesn't look good in red!!" Then I will just make an apology from here, okay? (Giggles) But then "Living is a knowledge itself".



Translated By Isaac Hiew
20/Feb/2008

This article should only be used inside AHS Forum only. If you would like to use this piece of article on anywhere else, kindly email or PM me to get the permission and give me credit, thank you.

Comments/Suggestions? email me at isaaxhiew@hotmail.com

Originally translated from Cawaii! December 2007 . International Taiwanese Edition.

[WillofDusk]

That's a really interesting article.
I think I like the songs more
Too bad it didnt sell that well

[syntherella]

Thank you very much for sharing! Wonderful insight. It reinforces my idea of Ayu having holes in her defences, but being strong nonetheless. I admire her self-satisfying approach to life.

[~Amy~]

Thank you! The article was very interesting. ^_^

[PoetGirl]

thank u so much for posting, i find her more and more interesting,honest and lovely every time i hear her speaking, and .. i love talkin to myself even more now.

[Northerner]

Recently I discovered that downloading song can be so much fun. Although I have bought a lot of music before, but it is my very first time buying my own CD. My house used to lack CDs performed by me and I would never listen to my songs inside my house. Then one random day I suddenly feel and urge of listening to my songs and I tried hard to download it. After that I thought, "Ohhhh, I sang about these kind of things before..."

That's pretty much the best thing ever. That and the line about looking up her own lyrics because she forgot them.

[Love Appears]

Originally Posted by Northerner

Recently I discovered that downloading song can be so much fun. Although I have bought a lot of music before, but it is my very first time buying my own CD. My house used to lack CDs performed by me and I would never listen to my songs inside my house. Then one random day I suddenly feel and urge of listening to my songs and I tried hard to download it. After that I thought, "Ohhhh, I sang about these kind of things before..."

That's pretty much the best thing ever. That and the line about looking up her own lyrics because she forgot them.

This was so cool. Now we know Ayu has something in common with her fans... something we wouldn't exactly expect, haha. How very down-to-earth of her.

And the part about talkin' 2 myself being produced before glitter/fated... I didn't know that!

Thanks for this translation issac hiew!

[Angel_Hikaru]

Indeed, really interesting, she has a really insightful way of looking at life =)

[zoomzoom]

Thanks for the translation, very cool. But wasn't this issue from November?

Pretty funny how she went and downloaded her own songs And looked her lyrics up online.

[LacusClyne]

^issac translate it from the december taiwan issue

[arisu_1love]

Thank you for this article translation!

[KuroixShiroi_Namida]

Thanks for the translations XD!

[Cyria]

Thank you so much for the translation!

I, too, think that part about Ayu starting to listen to her own songs is adorable.

[mylovelyayumi]

Thanks for the translation isaac..

[isaac hiew]

Sorry for being so late guys~ T_T

I got the book on the first day of February, but I was bogged down by work.... so finally today was my day off, and I managed to translate them all.

The translation looks crappy to me tho.... because sometimes I just figure out to use what kind of words.... ayu definately speaks deep... O_O;

Kinokuniya no longer sell these magazines so I can't get them first hand. However if I see any ayumi articles I will try my best to translate them and put them up here.

[BoBo]

10x for the arcticle rly intresting

[tenshi no hane]

thanks for translating ^^ it's interesting to read how Ayu views things

[ayuzlove]

thanks alot for the translation..now we get to know ayu even more!

[kiseki89]

Originally Posted by isaac hiew

Sorry for being so late guys~ T_T

I got the book on the first day of February, but I was bogged down by work.... so finally today was my day off, and I managed to translate them all.

The translation looks crappy to me tho.... because sometimes I just figure out to use what kind of words.... ayu definately speaks deep... O_O;

Kinokuniya no longer sell these magazines so I can't get them first hand. However if I see any ayumi articles I will try my best to translate them and put them up here.

You know I got the chinese issue of Cawaii from some train station in malaysia...
Though i read chinese it's still a torture to read it.. so thanks for translating

[leo_nardez]

wow, really appreciate the translation, it must have taken alot of works..

thanks a lot..