[april fool 2003] Hikki Files For Divorce

imagina12y · #1 1st April 2003, 07:40 PM

**HIKKI FILES FOR DIVORCE WITH KIRIYA KAZUAKI**

In a bizarre situation for everyone involved, Utada Hikaru (20) has abruptly filed for divorce from Kiriya Kazuaki (34). The couple got married on September 2002 and were "very happy" by all accounts, when lawyers from Utada Hikaru apparently contacted Kazuaki with the papers. "Irreconcilable differences" were cited.

The whole affair apparently began the night of the Gold Disk Award, during which Utada Hikaru won the 'Best Artist of the Year' title. During Utada's performance after that, Kiriya was overheard to say that Ai Kago of Morning Musume looked "extremely attractive".

Kiriya apparently drank himself into a stupor later that evening, and
it wasn't long before his purported sex-addiction returned in full-force as he was apparently "making moves" on everyone from Misia to Namie Amuro to Gackt at the post-award party later that night. The only comment that Gackt had about the situation was that his fans, whom he regarded as 'his dears' has "nothing to worry about".

Later that evening, Utada Hikaru walked in on Kazuaki in his bedroom room, and was shocked to find him playing 'Kingdom Hearts' on the Playstation 2 with Ayumi Hamasaki watching. Hikaru apparently broke out into tears right then and there, and apparently "lost it".

A close friend said, "I've never seen Hikki this upset in my life. She wasn't even this upset when she found out how old Kazuaki really was. She cried all night and woke up the next day to find the entire Morning Musume group playing her Playstation 2 with Kiriya." Kiriya's publicist didn't have anything to say today, but did offer this bit of advice to the public: "Playing a game which your wife did the theme song for is a bad way to bag a woman, especially if this woman is your wife's archrival."

Kiriya's publicist was apparently fired after that statement, but his new publicist quickly retorted with a follow-up statement to "clean up" Kiriya's public image: "My client, Kiriya Kazuaki, is an addict. He loves women, he loves sex, he loves booze, but most of all...he loves Playstation 2 and when you mix them all together like that...well, you've seen the results first-hand yourselves. Kiriya wishes Utada Hikaru all the best, but admits that he won't miss her much."

Utada's publicist would only say: "Hikki is devastated today because her marriage is over, but even worse than that, she's devastated because she never signed a prenuptial agreement when she first fell in love with this clown, and therefore, cannot collect on the times that she babysat him, brought his food or cleaned up his puke. Hikki is hoping that this divorce will allow her to forget the bad times with Kiriya Kazuaki, and remember that she is still a very beautiful young woman."

The whole thing is actually very sad because the couple seemed to be the "perfect" pair in the Japanese entertainment industry. Catching up with Kiriya after his netball match last night, a photographer managed to snap a picture of Kiriya flipping him the bird, along with a choice mix of words to the effect of: "Yeah, why don't you bring that f**kin' camera over here so that I could stick it up your f**kin' ***hole, you f**kin' piece of *****!" Kiriya's publicist would only say of the incident: "Kazuaki is always drunk when he plays tennis. Also, his trophy wife just left him...cut the man some slack, you jerks."

Kiriya Kazuaki is about to make his directing debut in the animated film 'Shinzou Ningen Kyashan' later this year. Utada Hikaru is currently taking a break from all these by having a vacation in Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia, where the queen of Jpop has already been seen around town with a local famed fanfiction writer and owner of a great mailing list called Precious Speed ML. Edmund Yeo (19) (a.k.a. Eliar Swiftfire), the man with whom she has been spotted would only say this about the affair: "Mwahaha! April Fool, y'all!"

source: Precious Speed ML

credit: jpopmusic

...isn't it shocking? too good to be true?

well it isn't true!!! april fools guys.......

i actually believed it for a second...until they started talking about ayu and amuro and gackt...hahahah

Sakura_Drops · #2 1st April 2003, 07:56 PM

Hahahahahahhahaha

you little

hahaha but it was a good one.Hahaha I kinnda figured out that it was a joke when I came to that Ayumi hamasaki part.

Unimatrix Prime™ · #3 1st April 2003, 08:02 PM

"it wasn't long before his purported sex-addiction returned in full-force as he was apparently "making moves" on everyone from Misia to Namie Amuro to Gackt at the post-award party later that night."

Gackt? lol... what a weirdo...

But what's with all these April 1st jokes? That one seemed pretty unbelievable... I mean, why would she be upset because Ayu and Momusu playing her Ps2? lol...

**Grantith** · #4 1st April 2003, 08:14 PM

April fools is official stupid, hahhahahhahhahahha. That's the second shocking article I read that turned out to be april fools!!!! hahahahhahah

The sad thing is, this story is actually believable! lol I wouldn't be too surprised to find them divorced soon. She's too young, lol.

rainbow_momiji™ · #5 1st April 2003, 08:17 PM

LOL!! that was funny lol gackt lol makimg moves omg lol! funny or wot! haha thanks

***bulmasman*** · #6 1st April 2003, 09:29 PM

That had me worried for a while then. I honestly did think it was true

.
however, i also think that the marriage may not last too long. Hikki is indeed still young and having to be tied down to one man at that age must be bad.

Yuki · #7 1st April 2003, 11:02 PM

LOL.. heh.

but honestly though, i am the type who doesn't go for older older guys. why? because a woman as young as hikki, and her husband at 34, they have different needs. well, that's what i've learned, lol. but i'm happie wit my boi!

fantaisie.sign · #8 1st April 2003, 11:02 PM

"Ayu's playing with the Playstation?! I want a divorce!" "Why?" "Because of our differences in playing the Playstation!!!"

That's hilarious. The first paragraph was believable then the rest was downright funny. As Grant said, I wouldn't be surprised if a divorce occured but I still wish them well.

Couples divorcing because of disagreement about who can play the Playstation? Hahaha!

funnybunny56 · #9 2nd April 2003, 01:09 AM

Making moves on Gackt?! that's hilarious! but it started to get strange when there were a bunch of people playing playstation 2

skyline · #10 2nd April 2003, 02:35 AM

Funny Joke imagina!

uindoshin · #11 2nd April 2003, 03:48 AM

this is hilarious! like everyone else said, the first paragraphy was beleivable, but after that, it started to get hilarious!

#12 2nd April 2003, 04:31 AM

*Snort* Way to keep the forum exciting!

Sakuragirl421 · #13 2nd April 2003, 04:40 AM

hehehehe...LOL....man...i was like "really?" when i first saw the topic and actually believed it until the second paragraph......hehehe...cool.

Chireresu · #14 2nd April 2003, 04:44 AM

Torie!That scared the crap out of me!You are so evil!I wanted to cry for Hikki really bad!

Takke · #15 2nd April 2003, 04:45 AM

hahahaha that was a good one!

destiny_ayu · #16 2nd April 2003, 05:12 AM

Thnx for the info

angela · #17 2nd April 2003, 06:57 AM

arhhhhh...... i thout it was true.... actually he wasn't.... hEeee~

Nu-NRG · #18 2nd April 2003, 07:35 AM

wow u almost got me..i nearly felt for the joke
but when i see a group of ppl playin the ps2 and instead of kindom hearts why not ffx-2........
nice joke

**EdenZone** · #19 2nd April 2003, 08:29 AM

what ??? shocking !!!!!

tinyppl · #20 2nd April 2003, 02:15 PM

WHA YOU SCARED ME!!! How could he do that to namie, misia... and GACKT!?!? *gackt would have performed his karate and judo arts on him already*

"..The only comment that Gackt had about the situation was that his fans, whom he regarded as 'his dears' has "nothing to worry about" --> When I read until here, I still thought it was true -_- until the ayumi hamasaki playing kingdom hearts on ps2 made me feel weird ~_~