'Memorial address' translation

[boogieordie]

Sounds like someone died in her life.

Presentiment sounds weird to me. It's not a word used much, I didn't even know it was actually a word until now.

Ashley

[Grantith]

Originally posted by masa
It seems "alone" is the problem.Actually I used "alone" with the same meaning as "only". So is it all right I use "only" instead of "alone"?

I'm not sure about this. It still doesn't sound right to me. Can anyone else help out? Any ideas? Or am I just being crazy for not understanding?

She had a very sad dream. And the morning was just after the night. Even in such a case, "in the morning" is proper?

I still think it should be "in." Does anyone else agree/disagree with that?

Which word do you think is the most appropriate?

Like hanabiwings said, indelible definitely works. I was just pointing out that I haven't heard it before so I wasn't sure how commonly it is used. Just because I haven't heard it before doesn't mean that it's not common though. If I had to choose a replacement, I would choose "unfading" out of the options I listed 'cause it sounds the most poetic to me. If anyone else has a suggestion (or has a comment about indelible), please post it.

Anata wa (You) hitori (alone / by yourself) hoshi ni (a star) natta (became)
There is a hidden feeling of "not together with me" or "leaving me alone". Is "by yourself" better than "alone" in this case?

What about "You became a star without me" or "You became a star while leaving me behind" The second suggestion is stretching the translation a little more, but it might get the meaning across better.

If those two don't work, I think "by yourself" would work better than "alone" in that case.

masa, you're comments about the song being by her dad make a lot of sense! wow! Now that you point it out the lyrics seem to fit that very well. It must be a difficult time for her.

[pSyko_mEi_ xD]

i really like these lyrics. Deep. well written. Thanks masa

[nmskalmn]

The words "presentiment" and "indelible" are not rare. Honestly I am very surprised to learn that American high school students (at least some ) are not familiar with them.

"Why do you do in such a way
As leaving memories alone to the very end"

I agree with Grantith that this reads awkwardly. I think the the reason is that in this context it appears that "alone" is being used as an adjective, that is the meaning seems to be "the memories are alone".
The first sentence also does not feel right because the second "do" has no object. This is strange in English.


"On the morning the phone started to ring, breaking the silence"

This also seems unnatural, but I don't know how to explain why. Here is another way of saying it that sounds better to me:
"On the morning after, the phone started to ring, breaking the silence"

I am not an expert on English either, but I believe everything I've said is correct.

[Unimatrix Prime™]

Originally posted by nmskalmn
"On the morning the phone started to ring, breaking the silence"

This also seems unnatural, but I don't know how to explain why. Here is another way of saying it that sounds better to me:
"On the morning after, the phone started to ring, breaking the silence"

Hmm... perhaps it can also be said like this:

"In this morning, the phone began to ring, breaking the silence"

"The phone started to ring in the morning, breaking the silence"

Also:

"The season has changed and I feel it's biting cold"

Perhaps "bitter" could be an alternate word, although "biting" fits as well

[Aga-chan]

On the morning the phone started to ring, breaking the silence

How about "The morning after, the phone began to ring, breaking the silence"??! Could this work, too?!
Or maybe "The following morning, the phone began to ring, breaking the silence"?!! ...

[ImpactBreaker]

Originally posted by nmskalmn
The words "presentiment" and "indelible" are not rare. Honestly I am very surprised to learn that American high school students (at least some ) are not familiar with them.

presentiment in portuguese = pressentimento...It is SUCH a common word here you can hear it almost everyday. I think masa used the right word, it sounds good enough

[Unimatrix Prime™]

I just noticed another slight error with this:

"The season has changed and I feel it's biting cold"

Not the sentence, but shouldn't "it's" be "its", since "it's" means "it is"? Not a major error, but just something worth noting

[Dusty]

This is the best translation of a song I think I have ever read. Which is fitting for such beautiful lyrics and such a beautiful song. Thank you very much Masa.

[Larisa-chan]

AHHHHH OMG I told yall it might've been her father ;_____; so sad...

[cloned]

the translation is so sad...
thnx masa for it

Ayu said herself that she doesn't know her father (he walked out on she and her mother when Ayu was 2 years old), and doesn't know whether he's still alive or not. This was a few years back, so it could be true... However, I'd believe it to be one of her friends, or maybe her grandmother (whom she's close to.)

[appears]

do u really think ayu would be smiling at the mirror if she was writing about someones death?! 6/30 = her friends birthday ( = Greatful day) and why she wrote July 1st, that pictures featured for Greatful days lyrics anyway...

[ImpactBreaker]

Originally posted by appears
do u really think ayu would be smiling at the mirror if she was writing about someones death?! 6/30 = her friends birthday ( = Greatful day) and why she wrote July 1st, that pictures featured for Greatful days lyrics anyway...

hahah yep! 6/30 is that friend's party! i had forgotten about it LOL

[Ryoko]

I forgot about that too..But still, why is Memorial address written in such a way as to make it seem as if someone died?

[masa]

I noticed that a few days after I posted last time. But my supposition still didn't change. I think it's quite unlikely that she writes the birthday of one of her friend in the booklet and she doesn't look smiling to me. Actually it's clearly intentional that she shows herself all in a blank look in this booklet. And I forgot to write last time that "hoshi ni naru" (become a star) is commonly used as nothing but his / her death in Japanese.
Anyway, this is a mysterious album. She alone knows the truth now. I think she may clarify several years later.

[appears]

but that image is associated with Greatful days... isnt that song to do with the happy times she had with her friends or something?
nihonjin deha nain desu kedo, sono ime-ji no ayu no o-tura tte egao jya arimasen ka?

[masa]

Ah, it's possible that she wrote it as the day of the annual party (not as the birthday). But it's also possible that she did so as a mystification. As for her look, it's very unclear whether she is smiling or not. To me, she doesn't look smiling.

Nihongo ga umai desu ne. But "tsura" is a rude word. It's better for you to use "kao".

[appears]

ara, gomen ne...
tura tte higo ka wakaranakattan desu...
tada zokugo dato omoimasita...
sekai jyuu, hamasaki-sama no itibandaifan desu kara, hamasaki-sama ni tuite no warui koto ga sappari iitakunaku, watasi ha gaizin dakara nihongo no iroiro ga sugoku wakarinikui desu...
goryosyo kudasai...

[kore mo attenakattara sumimasenu]

[masa]

Advised and suggested by some members, I change my translation as below. Thank you.
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I remember I went to sleep late that night feeling uneasy
And had a very sad dream
The phone started to ring in the morning, breaking the silence
And the premonition became a reality
Leaving an unfading scar on my heart
You became a star by yourself

*Sayonara --- You have gone to the place where we can never meet again
I can't accept the coldness of the eternal parting
I wish I could have heard from you
That I had certainly been loved by you
Only once, even if it had been a lie

The sorrow I had thought to be endless came to an end
The season has changed, I feel bitterly cold
I will never forget that first day of summer
The sky kept on weeping instead of me this year
I feel as if I were living in the continuation of the dream
And I can't even cry now

Sayonara --- Even my last words don't reach you
I'm made to realize the coldness of the parting
I wish I could have heard from you
That you never regretted the days we had spent together
Only once, even if it had been a lie

Why did you do it this way
Leaving memories only to the very end?

(*) repeat

Please tell me this is only the story of the continuing dream
And that I'm not yet awake
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To appears
"Sama" is too polite this time. "San" is the commom way of saying. Muzukashii desu ne.