[Translation] Latest TA post [19th May 2017] - Health and ear condition

[Zeke.]

Ayu has said before she isn't much of a "relaxer." She needs a purpose, a goal, a driving force - she needs something always in the works, because that's what she enjoys. I'm the same way. I couldn't imagine just having a life where I could "relax" - how fucking boring.

I don't think people realize what it's like to have a passion. A passion is what you live for - it's not the downtime, it's not the breaks - it's living in that passion.

People also talk about "what's the point if you don't have a family to come home to?" I have said before, if it came down to choosing the ability to listen to music or the interaction with friends and family, I would choose music even if it meant living out the rest of my days on a secluded island with the endless stream of music alone.

I think for ayu, being able to share her music is akin to sharing her heart. It's the most intimate form of expression for her. She has even said in the past she is not that great with words/talking/conversation. For ayu, through music and the stage is how she shares her heart and soul. And what's the point of life if you feel you're losing the ability to share your heart and soul in its most pure and rawest form?

[URANUS]

Originally Posted by thinkingoutloud89

I don't think it is for attention, but even if she loves it that much she has to give it up right now otherwise she won't be able to even record music. I think fans who support that in anyway are even more tsupid.

This is a human being you are talking about, and even more one you love. Wouldn't you want for her to do what she is doing for years to come? It certainly won't happen if she pushes herself now.

I agree with this coment. I think Ayu needs to STOP the tour right now. I know she had a choice and she chooses to continue performing until she can't. This is not a rational choice. I rather she retire music right now and improve her condition and live a life full of luxury. She's already made so much music. It's time to let go and enjoy her life with the remaining hearing she has. If she loses her hearing, that's it. It's final. She's still young.

[baby_blue]

Honestly since a long time ago, I hope she can rest and let her life more normal than only thinking about her career. She just make her more drown with this condition. Well I just can hope and pray for her best no matter what decision she make. But myself as a fans more like her to get rest than just seeing her in pain when in stage. It's my personal opinion.

[CatGirl]

Wow, I can't believe how insensitive some of these comments are. Ayu's made her decision about this a long time ago. From what I remember, she said she would keep singing until her other ear gave out when she first announced that she was half deaf. The lyrics to the song "count down" say a lot, too. And Ayu has always struggled with her self-image and her purpose (look at the lyrics for "TO BE" and "NEVER EVER"). Honestly, for almost the past ten years I've gotten the vibe that her number one passion is performing, and while she loves making music too, she continues to make music so she can keep going on tour and connect with her fans.

It's Ayu's decision. You don't have to like it, but I think as fans, we need to respect it. Also, who even knows if taking a break will help with her hearing? We don't know the full diagnosis. She may end up losing her hearing completely no matter what she does, so she might as well do what she loves most while she still can.

[Machiko]

Originally Posted by CatGirl

Wow, I can't believe how insensitive some of these comments are. Ayu's made her decision about this a long time ago. From what I remember, she said she would keep singing until her other ear gave out when she first announced that she was half deaf. The lyrics to the song "count down" say a lot, too. And Ayu has always struggled with her self-image and her purpose (look at the lyrics for "TO BE" and "NEVER EVER"). Honestly, for almost the past ten years I've gotten the vibe that her number one passion is performing, and while she loves making music too, she continues to make music so she can keep going on tour and connect with her fans.

It's Ayu's decision. You don't have to like it, but I think as fans, we need to respect it. Also, who even knows if taking a break will help with her hearing? We don't know the full diagnosis. She may end up losing her hearing completely no matter what she does, so she might as well do what she loves most while she still can.

My thoughts exactly.

Originally Posted by Andrenekoi

Apparently the only way to "love music" is by composing. You can't love to perform music live, and God forbids someone from loving to perform on a stage, the person will be reduced to some crazy for attention stupid being.

Stage actors? Dancers? Any kind of live performer? There's no love for their craft, there's no respect for the amount of effort they had to perfect their art, it's just a matter of wanting attention.

Poor Ayu, she does have some of the worst fans.

YASSSS QUEEN

"She just wants attention" argument makes little to no sense. If she loved the attention, which isn't wrong either, so so much, she could STILL take a break so she could enjoy the attention longer. So assuming she doesn't actually love music or her job because otherwise if she did, she would take a break (besides how would you know this? Just because YOU would, doesn't mean everyone else would—she's a human being, and as a human being she's complex and different and you can't know the way she feels and thinks about her life and career) works the same way with wanting attention, too.

[Chibi-Chan]

There is nothing wrong with wanting being on stage and wanting to perform your songs live. But I simply don't believe it when someone, who actually didn't had an illness that wouldn't have been curable chooses getting deaf over functional ears, says it's because they love music that much.
Ayu had the chance to continue making music and even to tour again without losing her ability to hear. There won't be music for her ever again if she goes on like this. She made an absolute irresponsible choice regarding her health back then when she continued touring with a tinnitus and she's doing the same again.
Ayu didn't choose music back then, she chose being on stage. Not being on stage for a while and to get well wouldn't have ment to never perform again. I honestly don't think it was music she loved that much that she would rather not be able to ever listen to it again than to take a little break.
I know what it means to work to a degree and with a passion that you're so stressed out that you get a tinnitus, but I also know what every doctor will tell you then: REST.
Working that hard that you get a tinnitus means you're not feeling well, not at all, and most likely you're commitment to whatever you're doing resembles more an unhealthy relationship you put all your heart into because otherwise you don't have much and you also have some unsolved problems you're running away from. That is not something to praise or that would be brave to do.
Ayu could have gotten well back then and could have focused on writing and composing for a while, in order to get the rest she needed. She did the contrary. And she sure as hell didn't do it because of her love for music, but because she somehow wasn't able to be as responsible to herself as she should have been. I'm sure it's easier to tell oneself it was because of music than to admit she was more acting like a child.
Back then she was only around 21/22, but when she grew up there should have been a time when she realised she should take a break. Somehow she never realised that and reading her TA message it simply seems to me as if she just wants to be on stage because she needs the attention, since she is running away from something else. That is tragic and sad and I really hope she has some friends who will talk some sense into her. Being on stage and therefore losing your ability to hear is a prize way too high to pay.
Like I already sad, not doing 100+ dates every tour and maybe not touring for a year or two wouldn't have ment to never tour and perform again. But doing it ment becoming deaf. That isn't love for music, that is irresponsible and it's sad that it seems she doesn't care about her health and that there never was someone who told her she should care about her health. Reading her TA message there seem to be a lot of assholes around her who are more concerned about the entertainer Hamasaki Ayumi and the entertainment they get than with the person Hamasaki Ayumi.
Also judging by the responses in the forum here and how people praise her for putting being an entertainer over being healthy, it's no wonder she may think that her worth as the artist Hamasaki Ayumi lies on the stage. Maybe that's the real tragedy here.

[Yumsushi]

Originally Posted by Chibi-Chan

There is nothing wrong with wanting being on stage and wanting to perform your songs live. But I simply don't believe it when someone, who actually didn't had an illness that wouldn't have been curable chooses getting deaf over functional ears, says it's because they love music that much.
Ayu had the chance to continue making music and even to tour again without losing her ability to hear. There won't be music for her ever again if she goes on like this. She made an absolute irresponsible choice regarding her health back then when she continued touring with a tinnitus and she's doing the same again.
Ayu didn't choose music back then, she chose being on stage. Not being on stage for a while and to get well wouldn't have ment to never perform again. I honestly don't think it was music she loved that much that she would rather not be able to ever listen to it again than to take a little break.
I know what it means to work to a degree and with a passion that you're so stressed out that you get a tinnitus, but I also know what every doctor will tell you then: REST.
Working that hard that you get a tinnitus means you're not feeling well, not at all, and most likely you're commitment to whatever you're doing resembles more an unhealthy relationship you put all your heart into because otherwise you don't have much and you also have some unsolved problems you're running away from. That is not something to praise or that would be brave to do.
Ayu could have gotten well back then and could have focused on writing and composing for a while, in order to get the rest she needed. She did the contrary. And she sure as hell didn't do it because of her love for music, but because she somehow wasn't able to be as responsible to herself as she should have been. I'm sure it's easier to tell oneself it was because of music than to admit she was more acting like a child.
Back then she was only around 21/22, but when she grew up there should have been a time when she realised she should take a break. Somehow she never realised that and reading her TA message it simply seems to me as if she just wants to be on stage because she needs the attention, since she is running away from something else. That is tragic and sad and I really hope she has some friends who will talk some sense into her. Being on stage and therefore losing your ability to hear is a prize way too high to pay.
Like I already sad, not doing 100+ dates every tour and maybe not touring for a year or two wouldn't have ment to never tour and perform again. But doing it ment becoming deaf. That isn't love for music, that is irresponsible and it's sad that it seems she doesn't care about her health and that there never was someone who told her she should care about her health. Reading her TA message there seem to be a lot of assholes around her who are more concerned about the entertainer Hamasaki Ayumi and the entertainment they get than with the person Hamasaki Ayumi.
Also judging by the responses in the forum here and how people praise her for putting being an entertainer over being healthy, it's no wonder she may think that her worth as the artist Hamasaki Ayumi lies on the stage. Maybe that's the real tragedy here.

Hearing loss and tinnitus is generally worsened by loud noises, maybe a hiatus would have stopped the progression of the hearing loss, maybe not but I can't fathom why she would choose to increase the amount of dancing she does on her shows with a knee that is that bad. When I saw her live, she got on the floor for shake it or lalala and crawled around on the stage. I appreciate the effort, especially now that I know she had a bad knee but its not like that sort of dancing is an essential part of her show yet she went ahead with it and hid it from other people.

This is why I can't fault anyone here who are saying she wore her body out. As fans we would be happier for her to be healthy and be able perform for a long time rather than run her body to the ground because her love for the stage knows no logic. She's really not doing us any favors at all.

[Maemi]

Originally Posted by Yumsushi

Hearing loss and tinnitus is generally worsened by loud noises, maybe a hiatus would have stopped the progression of the hearing loss, maybe not but I can't fathom why she would choose to increase the amount of dancing she does on her shows with a knee that is that bad. When I saw her live, she got on the floor for shake it or lalala and crawled around on the stage. I appreciate the effort, especially now that I know she had a bad knee but its not like that sort of dancing is an essential part of her show yet she went ahead with it and hid it from other people.

This is why I can't fault anyone here who are saying she wore her body out. As fans we would be happier for her to be healthy and be able perform for a long time rather than run her body to the ground because her love for the stage knows no logic. She's really not doing us any favors at all.

Exactly And what makes it even worse is that when she stops performing for good, most people (except hardcore fans) will forget about her performances and she will end up with ruined health, not able to sing anymore. So it's no wonder many fans here are asking "is it really worth it?" Of course, it is up to her and she already made her decision long time ago, but I can't respect that decision. Even if I were her friend I would not respect or agree with it.

[mi|kshake]

I do think she should consider retiring from performing after the 20th Anniversary tour but I doubt that will happen. (I do think she's in denial) At the same time, even before we heard the news of her health issues, I could never imagine her giving up touring anyway.

Good luck Ayu!

[Powder Rose]

I don't know what to say - a few days ago I really thought about the possibilty of Ayu loosing her complete ability to hear and now it seems to become reality ....Maybe it was clear from the beginning but I think no one really thought that it would really happen.

But now my heart is broken :-( I really bow to ayu for being so strong and passionate. But on the other hand I really can't understand her completely. Because I think, that for everyone on this world it is the most important thing to be healthy and have a happy private life; being surrounded with friends you completely love and who understands you the most.
I can't imagine that Ayu doesn't care for this and just sees implementation in performing for her dear and caring fans. I think that in such a case you should break down ,make a big break and try to recover.

But in Ayus case I just think it is completely different - why can't she hear to her own lyrics in TODAY and enjoy every day of our mortal life and try to be as happy as possible? Or maybe it is perfoming which makes Ayu as happy as possible...

Oh my dear Ayu - please just do whatever your heart tells you. Hopefully it tells you to recover.

I will always love you - whatever you are doing :'-(

But I really don't want to see you breaking down on stage because you are completely deaf - that would be my scariest nightmare :'-(

[Machiko]

It's easy to sit and judge when you know only limited amount of information and very far from everything, and that's just the number one bad trait in Ayu fans. Stop thinking like you do. We don't know how much avex for example played a part in all this, and how much Ayu's passion or pressure and fear of disappointing her fans. In reality we don't know anything at all.

When we could be empathic and show support, we criticize and judge her. I honestly feel really bad for Ayu for having such fans.

[EndOfTheWorld]

I think Ayu's love and passion for her music, fans, artistry, and performing are something to be praised and admired. I would say she is straight up inspirational in many ways. But I do agree that her decision to just let her hearing get destroyed is irrational. But that is only if there is even a way to stop it from happening. Maybe she will be deaf no matter what and so she decides to do what she can while she still has the ability too.
It's okay to agree or disagree with her decision. But the comments about Ayu having kids and coming from a broken family and needing attention is a bit odd.
I think everyone has made some good points here, no one is wrong or right. Just two different perspectives.

[melissalove]

I wonder if ayu is surrounded by the right people. In light and shadow when ayu got hurt and went to the hospital. Her staff just kept asking her "can you run" After 'instead of worrying about her and her condition.

[SheFliesHigher]

Oh my.

I remember when she first revealed that she had gone deaf in one ear, there was a lot of blowback that she was faking it all. It will probably happen again.

I admire her passion, but I hope she takes care of herself.

[ayu-fan]

I can't help but wonder why ayu still insist to continue performing, even if that means losing her hearing. I mean why wouldn't you care about your own body or should I say your own future. Living as a deaf person for the rest of your life must be suck. I'm sure her fans wouldn't mind if she take a quick break to recover her ears.

[truehappiness]

I think the diagnosis was that it's pretty much not going to be something she can recover from.

[Andrenekoi]

For some reason some people read "I'm going deaf" and understood "my hearing will be magically recovered by unicorns if I took a hiatus".

[ayu-fan]

Originally Posted by Andrenekoi

For some reason some people read "I'm going deaf" and understood "my hearing will be magically recovered by unicorns if I took a hiatus".

At least it won't getting any worse, which would happen if she continue to perform

[Andrenekoi]

Originally Posted by ayu-fan

At least it won't getting any worse, which would happen if she continue to perform

Now how do you know that? Did you had some tea with Ayu yesterday and she told that herself? Do you have any access to her medical records? Are you her doctor?

I don't know you, but I will guess a "no".

We have no idea of what is actually happening to her, we only know she is getting deaf. There's no evidence that stopping her career would make it better, or make it worsen slower, nor that it would actually give her hearing longer time. We don't know anything about that. Maybe almost 20 years ago it could have helped her and now it can't anymore. And even complaining about that is stupid because it's not like she could take a time machine and review decisions she made about her health when she was younger.

Saying she should do this or that when we don't even know what her condition really is, there's no point in doing that.

[rainbow_smile]

Originally Posted by Andrenekoi

Maybe almost 20 years ago it could have helped her and now it can't anymore. And even complaining about that is stupid because it's not like she could take a time machine and review decisions she made about her health when she was younger.

Besides, back then she didn't have as much control over her career, so it's most likely that she pushed herself back then and ruined her health because avex forced her to.