[Translation] The reason we became unable to sympathise with ayumi hamasaki

[tsumekaze_]

Finally the translation of this article is here. It's a very interesting review on A ONE, ayu's career and her japanese fans' response to it. Some parts may be strange, one or two lines missing. Bear with me, it was hella difficult. The writer must have a JLPT 0 lol.

Today as well, ayumi hamasaki is lonely. From the very start, even though by looking at her you would think "she has everything" , she sang about "not having anything" and "being envious of you". If on the one hand she had
been given the label of a person showered with love from her surroundings, ayumi hamasaki was constantly, cool-headendly, trying to find herself. The effect of that condition was so overwhelming that no one could succeed in
putting it into words if not in a very fragmentary way.
A loneliness that, being so unbelievably huge, was endless. Of course I neither can understand her whole being. But, with her new album "A ONE" being a masterpiece, I succumbed to the desire of challenging her. That's because in my puberty I was saved and supported by ayu.

Ayu and high school girls

She debuted on 04/1998 with her 1st single "Poker face". Her 3rd single "trust", promoted with a tie-in for a cosmetics CM, gained support aiming at high-school girls who always love new things. Her first album "a song for xx" (1999) became all of a sudden a million seller. Her 9th single "Boys&Girls" (07/1999), and her 10th single "A" (Same year, August) were big hits one after the other, and she ran up at once to stardom. After that, the "despair" trilogy of "vogue, far away, SEASONS", which used the marketing strategy of white and black ayu on the photo jacket, was released and became a hot topic, leading to her 3rd album "Duty" (2000), a piece of record which remains in the history of JPOP music. The title-track of the album, "Duty", was sung by ayu like this.

(video in the article)

"I've certainly seen an era ending with my own eyes, and I honestly knew as well, that next it would have been my turn"

Ayu was the favourite child of the times. She had been able to display that outright charisma which had made high school girls resonate and sympathise with her for at least 5 years now. However, how many high school girls know today of her absolute status of queen back in the day?
Well, this might be one thing which doesn't really have anything to do with today's high school girls. But going back to our topic, both showy and plain school girls felt largely as if ayu was their own spokesman. Firstly, showy girls admired a lot her gyaru appearance, so fashionable. As for the simple girls, they were attracted by her unique lyrics which made them able to deal with their own traumatic sense of loss and interior dilemmas. That existence of her which combined style and lyrics had silently created a fandom which overcame difference of groups.
Despite this, it could be that today's high school girls do not have the need of a spokesman. The attitude of "I want to face my pain" displayed in the million-seller single containing the song "Trauma" might be already too old-fashioned.
But as it appears that such music is still being produced in the universe of vocaloids (not being very interested myself I don't really know anything concrete though), it could be the case that this fact is true only when
humans perform. Possibly because when humans talk about pain it is too strong or exaggerated.

Being able to sympathise with ayu's lyrics / becoming unable to sympathise


The time where I became one step distant from ayu was when I ended up not being able to sympathise with her while reading the lyrics of her 25th single "daybreak", packed in her 4th album "I am..." (2002). Until then, no matter what song lyrics I read I felt as if they were new, but at the same time as if what I thought was being said by her in my place. Every time I felt the difference between me and my surroundings and became very depressed, it was as if she answered to me through her new songs' lyrics. I felt an incredibly strong connection between me and her. There was nothing like that with Utada Hikaru. Nor was it there with Sheena Ringo. In no other singer could I find that immediate "sympathy", for me it was only Ayumi Hamasaki. But as a result, after Daybreak, despite everything, lyrics with the idea of "taking the hands" of her fans or people near her started to increase one by one, instead of focusing on interior conflicts. At last I thought very selfishly that I was left all alone as she had chosen a different path from mine.

"So now, let's stand up together, you can win yourself"
"No matter how distant we are, we are under the same sky, please don't forget, that we are comrades travelling to that place we saw in a dream that day".

In the present day where so much time has passed since the ayu of those days, I understand, I do understand. I came to understand the reason why she couldn't help writing such lyrics.
When women enter society they are confronted with a new value of themselves as "women", which is to say the more general concept of "co-existence". I am without a doubt myself. But, because by only acknowledging this I won't be able to make a living and keep going in a society ruled by fishy men, I have no choice but to go on living by adapting to "them".
The ayu of those days had changed from a "female singer (idol)" to an "Artist" who could stand up in line with the most famous male musicians.

The sympathy embraced by young girls / co-existence and the latest ayu

I, an adolescent not knowing fear, used to think when looking at people in their twenties who lived aimlessly "I absolutely don't want to become like that old lady". I thought that I absolutely hated the idea of putting make up and becoming a copy of people around me, that I didn't want my personality to be buried. I had this expression, "People who can't do it", referring to old ladies who couldn't face their interior dilemmas and conflict. I wanted to become someone who could do it, not someone who could laugh at their being masochists. What do I think if I look back at this now that I'm around 30 years old. The same friends who embraced the feeling of sympathy towards conflicts just like in the schooldays have become all very serious, haven't they.
"At the end no matter how much you think about it it's the same" like, seriously?
"Isn't it okay as long as everyone's happy!" you are kidding me, right?
They abandoned their conflicts. They covered the delicate subtleties of the heart of a young lady and transitioned to the shape of an adult who could take a stance pose towards reality.
Even though they could grow up as flowers or butterflies, before noticing they were thrown by the circumstances into a kind of survival game where they had to win in their fields, they came to realise that society isn't easy or merciful on anyone.

Let's go back to the talk about ayumi hamasaki. With the flow of time, ayu's activities diminished in some respects and with her two marriages, her "injury promo" and "airport promo"* and also her singles meeting a crushing failure on charts in the matter of an instant, the topic "ayumi hamasaki" became to be followed by a negative atmosphere, with words such as "deterioration", "sad news" etc.
For a long time now such news have been passing through our eyes day after day, and ending up feeling numbed by spite, thinking that there's nothing to be done and that (the situation) is hopeless, even I have been led to think things like "it would be better if she just retired" and "why did she disappear". What's more horrible, I said those things without actually checking out on ayu's current appearance.

At the end of 2014 I saw ayu appearing on Music Station Super Live after several years. Doing that, I was surprised that somehow, comparing to the figure I had come to imagine through the many news on the internet, she was absolutely charming. "Last Minute" which was performed was a vivid reminder of the famous song from many years ago "Memorial Address", a dark rock ballad which truly displayed ayu's unique charm. As always she sang with an excessively strong vibrato technique. However, I noticed that I had changed too as I thought that, differently from up until now, I had decided to accept her in an honest way.

By the way, it's 2 years that I really like miwa and Leo Ieri. They are cute. I admire them because of their being cute. Even when they are nervous they are very cute and they sing good songs, they are cute no matter what, and wonderful, and for that admirable. I've been liking Miliyah Kato since "Tokyo Star", and lately I've finally started to like Kana Nishino as well. Are you okay? Have you been deceived by some weird man? [can't translate, sorry! it's one sentence, but it's not really important lol]
But this, being interested in female vocalists younger than us while having no kind of interest in no one of our same generation, nor YUI or ayaka. I tried to adapt this situation to the time when I sympathised with ayu but it was totally different.

Wanting to actively sympathise and in some way or another approve of the intentions of other people of our surroundings, if that is what is defined as the action of "co-existence", then I wonder if I as well have not ended up undergoing that heavy change from "sympathy" to "co-existence" in these number of years spent living in society.
From the sensations of my teens to the practical feelings of my twenties, from ideals to reality.

(even though I know that it is impossible) it's the best when everyone is happy (to be able to think this from the bottom of my heart).
When I finally realised this change, that back of ayu which I felt had turned away from me, before noticing I was chasing it again. And by this, I came to realise in the blink of an eye that in truth it was me who had faced the other way, while ayu was constantly facing towards the right direction that was "the present time".


Her newest album A ONE

As I had become really interested in the performance of "last minute", I listened to her 16th album A ONE which was released on April. It was the best. This was the ayu I know, the person I loved. The deterioration of her singing skills I had come to fear before was like blown by the wind, she has recovered perfectly and her singing voice is strong and comes from the heart. Not choosing strange EDM or western music, and by using her popular songs as a base (this album/she) proceeds on the road of the royalties of JPOP. Even though it was the first time that I listened to it, I wonder why I felt so nostalgic. A big reason for it could probably be Komuro Tetsuya taking part in it. We, who had experienced the Millenium, had soaked into our bones the sound of TK and ayu singing voice.
A ONE has already revealed the greatness that veteran artists can put in the music they make, and it can be even defined as a masterpiece whose music is close to be ageless.

Certainly it may be that the quality of the lyrics has dropped. But the discography she has released up until this point with me not being aware of it is the proof that the existence of the ayu which continues in the struggle between herself and her surroundings still exist. [can't translate these two sentences]. At the end of the day, regarding our existence, I think that a self-aware girl is a girl who lives in society as well. Ayu, who is now 36, doesn't focus when writing her lyrics on politics or world peace, thus being no one but herself.


"I wish you had done this like that, it would have been better if you had done that like this, no matter what I do, you are not going to be satisfied in any case"
"As what is thought to be natural increased, you have become to be wanting too much, this hollowed heart of mine won't go back anymore."
"Yeah, you don't know, I don't show you, you don't know the real me, I don't feel like sharing, I have no intention on conveying, I belong only to myself."

[Out Of Control]

"I wonder what "living on" means, what "doing one's best" means, when I can't understand it anymore I don't want to meet anyone but you, only you, if it's not you then it's no good, just for tonight, please, be my person."

"this is my everyday, but I live on with my head held high"

Now that I have understood ayu's honest straightforwardness, I thought for the first time that I want to go and see her live. A show specialised in entertaining. A show where she does things like being suspended in middair while singing or acting, and which, apart from songs, gives a strong impression. Getting the feeling that the songs were being ignored a little, it was a show to which I couldn't go. (?)
But as for now, I'll give up on going there to hear the songs and sympathise with the lyrics, and instead I will go with the intention of accepting ayu's entire being. In this sense, I have changed as well. Ayu has put on stake her whole life and got very close to eternity, so I feel it is absolutely necessary that I once in my life observe ayu with these eyes. I have to get to know this ayu who is lonely but is not alone.

*Seems like the majority of japanese fans believe both her injur(ies) and relationships have been crafted solely for the purpose of promotion. There are whole pages dedicated to her "promo airport", meaning photo taken with her various boyfriends at the airport coincidentally with the release of the new single of the time. see more here for example

[AyumiAi]

This was one long post... But interesting to read, it's nice that people feel ayu is back in a way with this new album

[freedreamer]

I loved the perspective he took and I do agree, with the changing of times and mindsets, perhaps the casual listener may not feel and listen for Ayu's lyrics anymore.

Seeing Duty's lyrics, it suddenly struck me how epic it is that Cirque de Minuit opens with Duty itself. It is like REBIRTH in that sense. She starts the concert saying its an end of an era and the concert itself is a great showcase of a more powerful Ayu.

Definitely agree with the take Ayu had on A ONE. It feels like the ayumi hamasaki I know has returned and even now, I find myself missing A ONE's songs because it feels so familiar and nostalgic. It's classic and powerful.

[Ayumi Romania]

Thank you for the translation!

[tsumekaze_]

I want to copy here some quotes from the interview posted here by Aderianu.
I believe it will help showing how ayu herself does feel, which is surprisingly near to what the author of the essay above and we have been saying all this time.

I feel like the concert was something of a “re-emergence” for me, and naturally the songs that followed reflect upon this feeling.
To be perfectly honest…
It wasn’t that I purposely sought out to make an album that sounded like the old me, it just happened.

If you were to talk about a song that illustrates that feeling of rekindling my old self, that would be “ Last minute.” I realized after writing it that this was the same “me” that wrote “MY STORY”.

At the listening party for the new album and tour there were fans in tears.
It was like this was the Ayu they had missed; that they had been pining for.

I thought that “me” was gone, but actually she’s still here, for better or worse!
I felt like I had outgrown songs like “secret”, that I had moved onwards and upwards… but that isn’t the case at all.
Making this album showed me that I am still the “me” who can sing “secret” – even “A song for xx”.
I thought that perhaps both I – and everyone for whom songs like “A song ~” touched a chord – had changed, but I realized that the fundamental idea that people are born and die alone is still there inside me.

Welcome back, ayu!

ayu: Yes! Yes! I thought that myself! “Welcome back, ayu!” Haha.
I think people who are close to me figured out a while ago that I had been running away.
I’m sure my fans could see it too!

[laughs] If that’s so, what would you say to them?

ayu: I would say “I’m back!” as if nothing had happened. Oh, and perhaps “Sorry”. (Smiles)

I love her.

[rainbow_smile]

Thank you so much for the translation! This article was very interesting to read

[Zeke.]

I like this honest analysis of Ayu and the author's personal reflection having been a fan for many years. It is very insightful and helps to put things into perspective amongst the masses. Thank you for this translation!

[Yukitora]

One of the best articles I've ever read. The translation is equally superb. The writer conveyed her feelings and thoughts so accurately and specifically I felt I could legitimately sympathize with her despite being male of a younger generation of a different culture.

This is a fan that appreciated ayu's music, who was not simply following trends. I am certain this is why Ayu was so groundbreaking in her day.

I really appreciated how the writer in the end decides to accept all of ayu, and decides to see her live after all, despite feeling she might not appreciate the showyness overshadowing the lyrics. She demonstrates how ayu's lyrics helped inform her view on co-existing with our surroundings that seem to be at odds with us. If we are to coexist, then it's not merely sympathising with our neighbours, and choosing to approve or disapprove of the intentions of others, but because we need to respect others integrity, we should seek the want, the desire, to approve others intentions, all of it, the whole package, even those we don't sympathise with. If we could all do that, then perhaps we can co-exist. The writer is refreshingly self-aware. If that is how co-existance is defined, she might now have quite made it there yet, but she has decided to try. I'm going to try as well.

[ayumisrael]

Thank you very much!

I really loved the article, the only thing that is kind of dissapointing but can't be helped is that like the writer, most of the Japanese don't click with the non old ayu style things ayu does like what he wrote, the EDM/western music style or non lonliness/sad/deep lyrics songs, just for example and ayu might wish to do things differently or use this or new styles from now on without asking anyone's permission like she sings in WARNING.

[mi|kshake]

Great article! Thank you for taking the time to translate.

It was interesting to read the views of someone who was a fan back when Ayu was huge.

[oaristos]

Thank you so much for posting this, it was a really interesting reading!

[Kacku]

Thank you so much for translating! This was a great read and exactly the kind of writing I'd like to see more of: insightful, reflective, perhaps even eye-opening.

[hayasaki]

I do believe that the Last Minute performance in last year's Music Station Super Live left a great impression to the viewers. ..I remember seeing a lot of positive comments from both Non-Ayu and Ayu-fans through twitter after that. ..

[Kazeyomi]

This is one of the best article about Ayu I have ever read.
Maybe because it's made out of the true feelings of a fan of her. And, most important, isn't biased nor harsh.
It's really interesting to see such different point of view. Especially from a japanese point of view, since we're (or most of us are) used to non-japanese jpop fandoms.

That was a really good reading.
Also, thanks a lot for the translation tsumekaze! You're the best

[orbitalaspect]

Hatred is such a strong term to call what is generally sarcastic or harsh criticism. Its not like people are writing reviews where every sentence ends in a plea for Ayu to die or stop singing or go deaf. That would be a bit too much, closer to hatred. But I do agree to an extent that it is nice to see a fairly critical but personal review.

[Aderianu]

Thank you for translation!
I hope more fans will back to ayu after A ONE

[ayu_ready?]

thanks for the translation

[tsumekaze_]

You're all very welcome ^^ It's nice to translate this kind of insightful articles, as sharing them can spark interesting debates!

[Ryusei]

Originally Posted by hayasaki

I do believe that the Last Minute performance in last year's Music Station Super Live left a great impression to the viewers. ..I remember seeing a lot of positive comments from both Non-Ayu and Ayu-fans through twitter after that. ..

This is why I wish she would appear on music shows still, especially now that her vocals have improved again. I'm sure it would help people to see her in a different light again. But this won't happen unfortunately

Anyways thanks so much for translating it was a very intersting read!

[Gustavopc]

Thank you SO MUCH for translating this! The point of view of the writer is very different from the usual one we have among international fans, it did help me clarify a bit how ayu image has being seen over the years by the Japanese public, and it is also a sincere and deep article. It's pretty clear how ayu aligned herself to her "old" era and the public saw that as well. And there is also a lot of self-awareness on Cirque du minuit, the concert seems to be only fulfilling the meaning of the album.

Hell, this may be one of my favorite ayu eras since I started following her in 2008