[translation] NTV Special Interview of Ayu

[csliu]

I am a Chinese student and all the words are translated to English by myself from a Chinese paste. So I am sorry if it is not perfect, enjoy it

NTV Special Interview of Ayu ——<Ayumi Hamasaki... despair and decision of light and shadow 25 year old> translation(English version)

the opening
We were once being attracted by these big eyes and so many things beyond these attractive eyes is to be told to us.
We have interview ayu for five years following her, but never think this thing will happen which She led us to visit her hometown by herself.

( camera is turned to Fukuoka dome)
reporter: do you never dream you could hold your concert in your hometown?
Ayu: never! When I were in Fukuoka, I never thought I would be a singer even after I come to Tokyo

Maybe someone has to doubt why ayumi hamasaki is presented in front of us today? After this interview, we understand all things.
(to be continue)

[csliu]

In 1999, we interviewed Ayu for the first time when she was beng on the way to the top of pop.
His lyrics impressed many girls in senior high school and she was admired by them

Reporter: what make you to begin your singing life?
Ayu: for what? ..... maybe just want to own a place belonged to me.

Ayu in 21 years old answered this question like that
Then, when you walked on street, thousand of “Ayumi hamasaki” could be found.
Ayu try her best to shape every “ayumi hamasaki” image. All these effort made us surprised and impressive.
A perfect article “Ayumi hamasaki”. In this interview, we could see the efforts of ayu so clearly
Ayu : I hope another Ayu could be in the seat of audience so two ayus could see each other on the stage and down the stage.

In 2000, we were following Ayu all along and ever think this interview will be in the end. But until 2001, this interview is continued because in this time, Ayu was facing lose his left ear danger.

Aye: I almost could hear nothing.
Reporter: how about now?
Ayu: I still couldn’t receive the telephone by my left ear

She tried to find an own place while she found scars is bestrew in her body.
in 2002, although some many scars, Ayu gained the reward of Record for two years. From then on, we could feel we is far away to her.
No, it is us who make her far away to us
Ayu said to us after
It is not easy comprehensive each other.
now, these eyes full of energy seem to lose glary.

In 2003, we seem to never interview Ayu.
untill this year, all the mistakes and bias are gone just because this interview for 3 hours

Ayu: after this interview, I always thought all is unmeaningful so I called you at once said “may you interview again?”. Last year, I gained the reward of Record for three years but I am so calm and said with smiling my age has passed.

On Jan 2004, ayu called me and said “I want to be interviewed again”
In fact, before one month, we have interviewed her.
But she said “ I hope that the content interview in that time isn’t used by you”
No one knows the true but Ayu

When we meet Ayu again, we feel she has make some decisions
All made us to understand, in five years, we saw what and missed what.
Now the long interview will be beginning and before this we have to recall the interview before 3 years.

(to be continue)

[csliu]

In March 2001, “Ayumi hamasaki” image was found everywhere in a town “Shibuya”.
This image was the cover of handpicked album which a tear flowed down on a black and white Ayu face. Now, thousands of crying Ayu appeared in everywhere.
The album organization sent the message to Ayu that his new handpicked album will be issued. After 3 years, we just know this message make Ayu shocked so much


Ayu: because this album was issued in a no-suited situation. No, to me, my handpicked album shouldn’t be like this though I always expected and wished I could issue my handpicked album.
but the organization told to me suddenly “ xx month xx day, your handpicked must go to market”
Go to market? What means? My god, these words really beat me so hard.

We also recorded Ayu who renew all the songs in his handpicked album.
“just a handpicked album, why does she renew all the song?” at that time, we all didn’t understand.
Now, when we think about this thing again, maybe this thing is just his little protest to his organization.

In the period of new album issued, “ayumi hamasaki” appeared in 40 magazine covers in market. These were a decision of Ayu.
Under the condition of so hard work and full of schedule, Ayu actually finished the shot of 40 magazine covers; we seemed to see Ayu was cheating herself
Even to workgroup, Ayu appeared so strict that never happened to her.

Ayu: we have changed our cloth and ready to go. But we were demanded to wait for a minute. No one told me why. Waiting for what? What make we have to wait? Why don’t they explain all things?
Not only ayu was waiting, all the workgroup members were waiting all along.
This was a shadow that couldn’t bear any mistakes and never compromised. We all clap eyes on this shadow silently

Report:why did you make this decision ( shoot for these covers of 40 magazines)
Ayu: If this was just a common album, I wouldn’t do like this. But, you know, this is my handpicked album. Maybe this is my last album. Maybe I couldn’t get the chance again. I also want to give me an orientation
Ayu: At that time, I give myself an orientation that I am just person who is called “ayumi hamasaki”, a single person, just a female, but I am also a part of organization, and make it clear that I am an important product of an organization that named Avex. I always told these to myself.
Reporter: what you did just force yourself?
Ayu: yea, So I think I will be over.
Reporter: “Over” mean you will retire?
Ayu: Retire? I didn’t think too much and didn’t make a detailed decision. I just wanted to leave.

In the day handpicked album issued, a female singer album of another organization is issued.
All medium pays so much attention to this “war” abnormally.
As a result, Ayu’s handpicked album sold amount exceeded 4 million.
A reluctant decision actually affected the stock price of an organization

Now, Ayu had made an strong decision.
Ayu: If I couldn’t back off, If I couldn’t turn back, I will go on my way intently. I don’t how to explain it to you…… although I am a part of this organization, I resisted it.
After half an year, a PV explained all things directly. <<Dearest>>
Finally, she found his own place, but she also found she had to continue to fight all along, so how deeply his despair is actually?
This entire thing let us recall her old song << A song for XX >>
“Why am I crying?
Why am I lost?
Why did I stop?
Please tell me
when will I grow up?
How long can I stay a child?
Where have I come running from?
Where am I running to?

I had no place to live. I couldn't find one.
I don't know if I could have any hope for the future.”

(To be continue)

[csliu]

In this year, she held his concert in four domes, motivating more 3 million people. At that time, only Ayu could make 4 domes full of people at a private status.
But, the real battle was just begnning.

Although Ayu with smiling presented in rehearsal hall, the despair and whine that hid in her heart all along have gradually appears in front of us.
It was so mysterious that we always heard this song in many interviews. <<A song for XX>>

It is unconscious that some intermittent singing was heard and abnomal phenomena appeared
Ayu: some odd sound beyond music was heard.
Staff: was it some noise?
Ayu; I don’t know, but it made me not to know which paragraph I were singing.

Now, Ayu heard some odd sound on her left ear. all make us recall the situation that she almost heard nothing on her left ear before one year.
Ayu: if referring the situation before, the noise will be more and more.
Staff: Could you use earplug all alone?
Ayu: once (noise) beginning, nothing could stop it.

With the work amount of that time, it was impossible to change rehearsing plan.
Although earplug was used, the drumming in the ears could be never stopped
The rehearsal was on the way as expecting.
The rehearsal of last day began in a big dome.

After diagnoses, doctor gave an advice to Ayu that no one healed your ear if you continue your work under that high db condition.
But only three days left for her concert when she received doctor advice.

Musical scale wasn’t felt.
Not only sweat was wiped. In the stage with faint glim, Ayu lowered her head and sat down in step.
Work staff detected the abnomal happened in Ayu and felt some nervous
Although understood the problem of Ayu, this situation was just like a running wild horse and no one could stop it.
After made an apology gesture, Ayu disappeared in the corner of stage.
It was the first time that this look of Ayu was seen who is never willing to show his weakness.

(to be contnue)

[csliu]

2001.6.22
In ayu’s born place, Fukuoka, her 4 dome-tour began formally
So many eager fans out of dome, but no one knew ayu was torturing by her ear problem.
For the problem of Ayu ear, the time of rehearsal was less than that of plan
Just for 30 thousand coming fans, Ayu try his best until to last moment.
Although we had understnded as a pop article, she dooms to be painstaking. When we saw ayu in this moment, we tasted deeply the reality is so cruel.

Two hours before the beginning of concert, a big ball presented in stage.
Ayu uncarefully fell in a two meter hole including a staff who wanted to save Ayu
maybe ear problem made Ayu losing his balance.
Now, we couldn’t help to suspire. Is all testing enough that was given to Ayu by God? Don’t make any fun of Ayu again, please!
But, our camera couldn’t be stopped, the record must be continued.
Do you want to continue? it is enough. So many angery sight gazed us and demanded us to stop the record.

Although so many distrust to organization and so boring ear problem, but the credit to fans couldn’t be lost.
With these thought, the slim of body was put to litter and sent to hospital

From the nervous of staff, we guess the concert may be canceled. But we also thought ayu may have a rest for this reason.
In a dome of no leading actor, the air was full of boring. Now, some critical decsion had to be made.
Staff: we had told to Ayu, the concert of today may be canceled, maybe included tomorrow one
If the concert was delayed, high compensation had to be paid for.
In the stage with glaring light, all things proved the heavy pressure ayu had to bear.
But as an important product of organization, the situation was beyond Ayu holding.
All fans outside of dome knew nothing to the truth, they was just waiting for Ayu concert silently
30 minutes before the opening of concert, the car came back and Ayu in wheel chair looked to our camera and said some words that made our surprise. “The concert is being on his way”

Even was injured, Ayu wouldn’t betray his fans and staffs
Just like that, Ayu in wheel chair came back stage again.
Doctor advised Ayu she must had a rest and there were at lest three weeks to rest for his foot hurt.
“could you run”
“of course” Ayu answer without any thinking over.
Except the openning time was delayed, all things are on their places as plan.
Now, the concert was beginning formally that had to last two hours. In fans’s cheering, the dazzling of light glared again on Ayu full of scars
Almost 30 thousands of fans never felt any abnomal in ayu.
After finishing her dome tour successfully, ayu almost lost her left ear.
<<DEAREST>>

<<JULY1ST>>

<<VOYAGE>>

Now, ayu have reached the top of pop world. all her albums issued were on the top of list.
we continued to following Ayu and wanted to understand all her things

( to be continue )

[csliu]

Ayu: at that time, I am at a loss and don’t know how to express my feel. So I told that to producer. He asked: do you feel there four walls are around you (front, back,left,right). I answered at once: right. It seemed there is so broad space around me and I could get the hope easily and all things seemed beautiful and glaring. But those aren’t the truth.
Reporter: what color of walls?
Ayu: just white

She felt the despair again though reached on the top of place
At that time, we called Ayu again and hoped to interview at her home because we want to see a real Ayu. But, our last require was rejected, why?

Ayu:I don’t believe your reason of interview in my home. Do you just want to learn a real me? no,I don’t think so. I feel I am just forced to compromise this interview than any time.
we can’t deny what she said
Are there another Ayu hide beyond of the one in front of us?
After graduating in middle school, Ayu often go to Shibuya. When we began our following interview, we also went to Ayu’s hometown, but we just got those information following:
She lived with her mother and grandmother after her parent divorced
Now, ayu has forgotten her father face.
Before this program, we are required to not to use her photo in the period of living in Fukuoka

Now,Ayu is 25 year old.
Ayu:I couldn’t forgive myself in the past, including all things in the past. I felt I has been knocked down by the past and don’t hope my past is reviewed by anyone.

“Will you follow me to come back Fukuoka?”
This is Ayu’s advice.
In the interview, Ayu said:
“The truth, actually not just one, the truth of every one felt is different. After understood those, I felt so easy and free. So it isn’t necessary to hide my past.

For five years following interview, we finally reach to the end of way
Ayu: yea~~~ I often come here; the old and broken boats are also there. I can’t remember which one I go to fishing with, I dived from here and was blamed. These things happened in my child. It is so obscure but I think he should be my father.
Reporter: is he really your father?
Ayu: I think so, so many fish tools in my home; they all are kept all along.
She really don’t hide herself.


(Some children called Ayu, but they called “Ayumi”, not “Ayu”)
Ayu:my god…… I am actually called “ayumi”
Child:where you go?
Ayu:school
We never saw so calm expression in ayu’s face. Of course, she is also a common girl in 25 years old

(in car)
Ayu: just near
Reporter:do you need to got off for a look?

Ayu;en…..in about 17 or 18 year old, my grandmother went to this hospital for sick.
At any time, Ayu’s grandmother always supports Ayu and protects her all along.
Ayu: at that time, I am in a loss and often in a daze to sit in this park.
Ayu: At the day, it was happen my debut album would be recorded. My first record. Before I leave, I told my grandmother that I had to leave for my debut album record and after finished it, I would come back at once. So waiting for me. At that time, my grandmother had been in a dizzy sleep and can’t eat any food, but just that moment, she actually cried.

Just in the morning of Ayu’s debut album record, her grandmother left her for ever.
Before Ayu came in the record room, she received this unlucky news
After that, Ayu begin his article tour.

<<poker-face>>

She held so many concerts in Fukuoka, but she always avoided to come back this park.
Now, with the power of camera, she came back here and faced a past Ayu……

( )

[csliu]

Thanks all friends could finish my translation and thank for one who make a Chinese translation from Japanese so that I could translate it to English from Chinese.
To be honest, some words should be translated still be leave in the interviews for translation reason but I think over 90% content has been translated. But I still hope to saw a better and full translation for this interview.
After I download the interview, I have watched it for three times. When I finished all those translation, I also feel so deeply ayu’s despair and decision. As a 25 year old girl, she has to face so many things and have to endure many pressures that on his body and spirit. She seems get so many reward and what she wanted but as what she said it isn’t the truth. May we really could reach Ayu’s heart through his lyric. Her way has to be continued and so many difficulties are waiting for her. I really wish she could be really free and easy even just in her spirit.


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[Edited by AHS Staff]
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