Ayu's mini "breakdown" during ASIA TOUR 2007

[tasking]

I just finished watching the documentary today and was quite confused by something. There's a part towards the end where Ayu's slow getting to the stage after putting her feathers on. Her staff are yelling at her that she should be on the stage "now!" but Ayu just sits there and breaks into tears before rushing off. Her reasoning for this is kind of unclear, as she says (and I'm quoting the subs here):

I was confused myself. When I put on the feathers, I felt that my heart broke into pieces. My heart broke suddenly and even I broke into tears. I felt unbearable as there are too many worries in me. That is an extremely scary feeling. Even though I am worried and uncomfortable, I can't voice it out! I am scared but I can't say that I am scared. So I told myself not to cry! I asked myself if I did it correctly or is it the right way to do it. But at the same time, I told myself, "This is not the time to think about these things." Suddenly I felt confused and despite that, I still need to go up on stage. Once I am up there, I can only sing with a smile. It is then when I get to see the staff members and I feel more comfortable. On that first day, I felt like doing something because of the band members and fans who love me.

Even with the subs I had no idea what was going on. What do you think she was worried about?

Feel free to move this into enquiries, but I think it fits in with overall discussion as an open-ended question rather than a specific one.

[Milox]

I dunno, I think she just couldn't do everything on time.

Hence why sometimes she sang surreal with the feathers on, and the version of surreal in the dvd is just the dress. But in the documentary she performed surreal with the whole outfit, so maybe it was too difficult to be on time and that's why they changed it?

[polka-dot-jewel]

She was probably really, really, really stressed out about the show, and was worried things would fall apart.

[keikeiaznqueen]

Yeah, I think it's stress. This kind of thing builds up, so since she couldn't express these feelings of being scared or unsure for a long time, maybe it just all came out during that part of the show.

[Deneb]

ayu should definitely relax sometimes but yea, it was probably due to stress

[lumieregrl]

It's stress...even I've experienced that. You just build up, and it comes out whether or not you want it to!

[alternarist]

i mean.. yeah those are my subs.

but we are all humans. we can cry.. for no reason.. for this case, the reason is somewhat unclear but she still managed to get rid of her tears and perform which was remarkable!

I dont think there is any special reason why she cried. she probably felt lost and very stressed..

[hiroshi_ben]

^yup~its actually very sad to see ayu in this way...she looks like shes in need of more people who will care for her

[otsukachieko]

aawww....
maybe she stressed...?
that's not good,,she was in the middle of the show.
really,i feel sad for her when i read what she said..
=(

[wenren93]

must be STRESS stressed her up. lol.
yeah, is better for her to cry out than say out when she's in stress .. that would be much better

[~Tsubasa~]

I think she was stressed...
I really hope she feels better now!!!!

[panda87]

gawsh, she must've been really stressed. i just want to give her a big warm hug...

[AyuHamasaki01]

I think it was the stress and that they couldn't put on all the feathers on time.
I believe that's the reason why they left the feathers out in the other SURREAL performances (at least in the DVD) and after SURREAL she went back backstage to pick up the feathers for the other songs.

[alternarist]

i just watched the DVD again and shall explain to you guys.

the reason as to why ayu cried is because it was the first performance. She wanted to put up a good show and yet she had many worries and uncertainties. All these worries came up to her mind but she had no avenue to express it out because the schedule was so tight (plus the staff kept yelling at her). She told herself it is not the time to think about those worries but they just dont go away. Moreover, when she is on stage, she can ONLY smile and sing. Under such circumstance, she cried.

And as for the reason why the feathers were left out for SURREAL in the later performances was because she felt that it was inappropriate. If you guys watch the documentary, there is a part where ayu told her staff to shorten the length of the video for Not Yet.

ayu only needa put on the dress (and not the feathers for SURREAL) and so she needed less time. She wanted to reduce the amount of time that she will NOT be on stage and hence she requested her staff to shorten the video for Not Yet.

Hope everything is clear for you guys!

[sitara]

just the stress level. and the fact that 10 assistents were yelling at her at the same time.
you cannot bring up the same level of energy every day, even if you try to.

[rakeru]

that must have been awful for her. she's so strong to be able to go back out there and give it her all. that's why we love her!

[extepan]

it's probably stage fright.

[terra]

She was stress and it was very hard to face

She thought that everything will goes wrong or blah blah blah....
Meanwhile the staff put her feathers...

Me, My friends and my sisters guess that it is because the costume went wrong somehow, she shouldn't wear the feathers in SURREAL, (If I recall first time she wore it but then it only went in AUDIENCE).

IMO SURREAL with feathers are strange indeed so that she decide to took it off during SURREAL, but the staff made a mistake. Thinking about her feathers, the time to show up had come so she felt that she was between a walltrap or somthing, with no where to run. It sad tho.

[Melrose]

She needs to relax and make a less hectic show. No one will care if she doesn't show up for 30 secs extra.

[Kikaru]

Stress. I see these breakdowns alot near the finals and stuff.